Sex fizzling after not so long :-(

LegacyUser

Hey,

Ill be quick I would just really like some opinions here as I really don't know if im being silly or not.

So I have been with my OH for just over a year, in the most part it has been amazing but obviously there have been quarrels. Everyone has them I guess.

Recently, well, actually, for the last 5-6 months there have been serious barren spells in regard to the amourous side of our relationship.We might go through spells of upto a month with nada...
Now we have a
mazing sex... Well im pretty sure she enjoys it most of the time f you get me...

Thing is this seems to be getting more regular recently, like once in the last 5 weeks!!
Now we were living a fair distance apart so onl really got the chance at weekends. but even then there coud be two wkds in a row with zero. Now we are able to see eachother more regularily and it just seems to have gotten worse!

I have come to the point where I have nearly quit trying to instigate it as im sick of getting shot down... and the comments which insinuate that Im lucky to get some, I would think we were both lucky.

Now I will say that there is usually an excuse, as in shes uppset about something, or stressed etc. but, I don't know.

Im not experienced in LTR's, I know the sex life fizzles out somewhat, but this seems excessive to me.

Would appreciate any thoughts!!!
Thanks for reading!

i-digress

I agree that doesn't seem like very often, but maybe it's down to the fact that you don't see each other that often? Instead of having sex spontaneously when you're both in the mood, she may feel under pressure to have sex when she's not feeling up for it. That pressure is unsexy...

If that's the case, maybe foreplay with no need to take it further may help? If she doesn't feel under pressure, she may feel more up for it, if you get me.

aidan24326

i-digress wrote: »

I agree that doesn't seem like very often, but maybe it's down to the fact that you don't see each other that often? Instead of having sex spontaneously when you're both in the mood, she may feel under pressure to have sex when she's not feeling up for it. That pressure is unsexy...

If that's the case, maybe foreplay with no need to take it further may help? If she doesn't feel under pressure, she may feel more up for it, if you get me.

What you say about her maybe feeling pressured etc is all very possible but why would she imply that he's 'lucky to get some'? That's a terrible attitude to have.

And OP, yes the sex can and will slow down a little bit from those early days when you're tearing each other's clothes off but your sex life has all but stopped. If you're going weeks without sex and she's still not interested that suggests a problem, she should be wanting to drag you off to bed by that stage.

Either she's gone off you or there's some other underlying problem that's causing her lack of interest, but I think you really need to talk to her about this. The excuses are just that: excuses. For some reason she has lost interest in having sex with you and you need to find out why.

LegacyUser

Thank you for the replies.
I know what is meant re. the pressure aspect, she has said herself that if she feels under pressure she wont be able to.
But then it leaves me in a quandry, I don't want to put pressure on obviously, but it seems if I don't how woould I get any, and when I don't she says well its not like you have been trying... Recently I haven't been, quite honestly I'm sick of been shot down, I don't think its meant to be like that!
She has mentioned it a couple times inm last couple of weeks, how I haven't been getting any loving, and she's sorry etc. not in the mood, things going on. If this was just a one time period of time I wouldn't be asking for advice. It seems we go from maybe a weekend where we have loads of fun, to 2-3 even 4 weeks with nada... and this is reaccuring for 6 or so months now!

I have said it to her, and infairness she said that I should never think that it has anything to do with me, that she still fancies me etc. It s just, i fear that if this is the way it's going to be forever, iM unsure whether we are going to make it, and that petrifies me as I love her deeply.

Thanks again for the replies!

aidan24326

op24 wrote: »

Thank you for the replies.
I know what is meant re. the pressure aspect, she has said herself that if she feels under pressure she wont be able to.
But then it leaves me in a quandry, I don't want to put pressure on obviously, but it seems if I don't how woould I get any, and when I don't she says well its not like you have been trying... Recently I haven't been, quite honestly I'm sick of been shot down, I don't think its meant to be like that!

It certainly isn't.

You shouldn't have to feel as though you're practically begging for sex, that's not at all how it's supposed to be. In your case your sex life has dwindled to the point that you scarcely have one, and for a young couple in a loving relationship that's not normal.

You have to consider the possibility that your sex drives/needs are not compatible, and that she appears unwilling to compromise on this. Everything is happening on her terms here, and I think at some point you're going to have to make her see that this is potentially a deal-breaker unless something changes.

LegacyUser

op as a girl ive been there with an ex and it was a disaster. I wen through a phase of feeling unattractive and he amplified those feelings by constantly 'hopping' on me. sometimes i just went through the motions just to save an argument but i'd feel awful afterwards and i resented him for putting me in that position. He asked all the same questions is it me, why dont you wantme, has our sex life fizzled out already??? No it hadn't but our romance life had. We had zero romance and i started to feel unsexy and this added up to my losing interest in sex. As time went on he would get more proactive with the sex pestering until it was too much for me. Pressure is a huge turn off to a woman and knowing that the pressure is present in the relationship will be getting to her. Forget about sex for a little while and start with basics, romance, letting her know how much you care for her, and find her beautiful and see where that takes you.

LegacyUser

I feel for you OP , I am in the exact same position as you, sex life dwindling away!:( except I am a girl!and its the other way around. He is too tired, too stressed, too sore from his job etc etc. I also have stopped trying because I feel rejected and unwanted. I have done everything I can but it seems he's more interested in playing his xbox than playing with me !! I live with my other half but he is away alot and we are sleeping together twice a month the last 3 months...I fear I am coming to breaking point and that scares me alot.