Has anybody here ever being effected by suicide?

letsbehonest

I was thinking earlier on today about how my brother attempted suicide back in October 2010. It was a dark time for my parents but luckily he survived it and he is okay now. I am an 18 year old guy and my parents hid this from me for weeks because they were afraid of anybody finding out because it was such a taboo subject and then I began to think of all the other people out there who has being effected by this. Either by a friend/family member attempting suicide or by them actually committing the act? How did it effect you?

Sharpshooter

OP, I have moved your thread to what I think is the correct forum.

I hope you get replies that will help you.:)

Overheal

No I haven't OP but that sounds rough. In prelude to those that will come on here and share their experiences I'd like to say I'm sorry this happened to your family, and to your brother: that he felt that his life was in such despair that the only option available was suicide.

What do you know about his situation? Why exactly did he feel it was the only way out? Or, perhaps, who was he acting out toward? How has his relationship been with your parents before and after?

That can't be easy on you either, by any means. How are you after all of this?

amybabes

Absolutely.

Completely affected every part of my life.
Only started to deal with it 5 years later (last year)

L.O.F.T

Hi OP. Your not on your own and its a difficult course your on. I lost my cousin on St Stephens day just gone and last week my friend to suicide. Both men who were healthy, bloody good at their job's and with young family's, both in their late thirty's. I spoke to both only days before each passed away and both were in top form, I mean really good spirits. They both had lots of work on, one was a mechanic and the other a plumber, holidays planned and all appeared from the outside as rosey. For me when I found out it was like no words could come out of my mouth, its like your brain can't accept that what has happen has, its hard to explain. I don't know what happened in the days after I spoke with them, I never got to ask was everything ok, like was everything really ok? If I did they might have said ''no its not ok'' or maybe they would have said ''feck off'' in the usual banter / macho way we had with dealing with all things in life? Its the questions both left unanswered. The family's they both have left behind that are so devastated and distraught is beyond words. I feel that I was so wrapped up in my life and my family that I might have seen some signs? if I had paid attention or gone for a pint or called over for a coffee or just rang and asked how are things?? The thing that really hurts is that for both my cousin and friend things got so bad that there was no other option for them and that makes me sad to think of them both helpless, alone and with no one to turn to. I have great memories of them but the fight in my mind between those good times and their last few hours is Shi*e. I miss them both very much.
You can do allot of good and have a second chance with your brother. Spend time with him, do stuff!!! anything just to be in his company. I wish I could text my cousin and friend and ask them do they need a packet of biscuits in the shop because I'm coming up for a cup of tea and going to shoot the breeze for an hour.
Life is short, second chances are rare and your time in someone's company is more powerful and important than you will ever know. Speak your mind and be honest with your feeling's and make sure your brother always knows he can lean on you for anything.

LegacyUser

Yes I have had to deal with an immediate family member committing suicide and it was hidden from me and other family members as i was only 14 at the time and it was thought to be the best option...not the greatest idea they ever had as i found out other ways(not fun when your 14 for everyone else in your class to know something about your life that you dont know)... it effects everything i do. i am know in my town as someone who's family member committed suicide and it has made me a quiet shy person as i am afraid people are talking about me it affects my relationships with friends and family and it happened over 10 years ago. it and otherthings that have happened to me affected my trust in others and so i dont speak to many people about my problems or when i get upset about the past. took me years to start dealing with it...but it is something that has made me who i am today. hopefully i am a stronger person for it. a few weeks ago i had to deal with another immedate family member attempt suicide brought all those feelings right back i couldnt stop crying for days. they seem ok now but i feel that they will attempt it again and may be successful the next time. depression is a very serious illness sometimes i feel depressed but could never do such a thing to my family as i feel like i couldnt hurt them and leave them upset but you never knows what goes on or what was goin on in someones head at the time. I always wonder if there was something i could have done to prevent it. but thats something ill never know the answer to.

Sharpshooter

I've had two people in my life that committed suicide OP.

Not family members, but a workmate and a friend.

I saw no outward sign of what they planned to do, how could I?

They had it all worked out, and both of them cut their lives short by lying across the railway tracks.

They didn't know each other and there was a few years gap between each decision, but the fallout was horrendous.

My friend had seperated from his wife, she had decided to move on and took the children with her.

There were times he thought she would keep them apart indefinitly.

Without going into too much detail, he was allowed to take them on holiday to Disneyland for two weeks and he gave them the best holiday ever.

He dropped them back to their mam when the holiday was over, and sorted out his affairs.

Soon after,he then walked to a Dart station late at night and lay down on the tracks and waited for the train.

Only he knows what was in his mind, there was no note.

I'm sure his two children will always remember the holiday, but he did wrong by thinking he was doing right imo.

It was his way of giving something to them, a memory of times shared, and I can see that he thought he was doing something nice for them as he obviously had planned to do what he did.

His death still effects me to this day, as he seemed so up in himself and was raving about the holiday and the time spent with his kids just a few days before his suicide.

Suicide leaves many ripples that reach out to all that knew the person and we all wonder what we could have done to prevent it had we known how he was feeling.

I wish he had talked to someone close, you know just spilled his guts, we might have been able to help him.

Fight_Night

I have attempted(and failed miserably) suicide and my parents were the exact same when they found out, told me not to tell anyone and haven't told any of my brothers or sisters. I'm getting counselling now but its not helping much. Relationship with my mom hasn't been the same since. My dad is a bit more understanding but I can't tell if thats genuine or not.

neaideabh

I lost one of my best friends to suicide on New years day a year ago. To this day it doesn't seem real. I keep expecting to see him! He rang me the night before to see what I was at, and I told him where I was and to come in. He said he'll try. He never came in and thought nothing off it. I had no credit to ring him.

We were friends from childhood and always remained in contact whether it was a month or 2 apart. But he and his girlfriend broke up so had actually being meeting up with him more in the last few months of his short life. I am grateful for that. I know I shouldn't but every now again I feel guilty for not having credit and ringing him to make him come into me in town, and he'd be still here today.

The circumstances surrounding his death were purely primitive?... After being on the beer all day he called into his girlfriends and they had a row. He was drunk and took his own life in his sister's house which was down the road! Writing this here annoys me! He was an extremely happy and content lad! He cracked because off emotions that were amplified because of Alcohal. What he did, he would never EVER consider or contemplate! It was a moment in time that should not have happened!

From losing my friend it has made one thing clear to me.... One minute you are here, the next minute, you're gone! It is very simple! But one thing for sure is that the pain, suffering and anguish it brings to many people is huge.

For me, I am angry at my friend for doing it... I feel guilty... I miss him greatly and I still can't believe he is gone. I keep expecting him to walk around the corner someday! I think about him most days.

amybabes

Mate,
There's not many of us who have posted in this forum that could say that they don't feel guilty for some reason or another,

For me - i feel i lost 2 good chances to find out what was troubling my cousin. For which I still find hard to forgive myself. The signs were there, I just never read them. I was too caught up in trivial things.

I also feel the overwhelming guilt and sadness of the last time i saw my cousin before he killed himself. It was the Easter bank holiday sunday 2005, he was in my kitchen talking to my mum, i was running around getting ready to go out. I don't even think i took the time to say hello to him/acknowledge his presence even though i heard his voice and ran past him on my way out the door. It's a pretty hard thing to get over/forgive yourself for knowing that that was his coming to say goodbye to us (he had it planned with a while) and i couldn't spare him a minute of my time.

Holding it all in, guilt and sadness, actually affected my health - i suffer from anxiety and mild depression myself since his death, and IBS. I went to a healer who laid her hands over me and without knowing any of my history told me that i was holding in grief and guilt in my stomach and it was affecting my digestive problems. The IBS dates to the night of his removal to the church, still prevalent 6 years on but much less so since I've started seeing a counsellor.

I hope you find some peace with the guilt you feel. It's a horrible thing to live with.

light at end of the tunnel

yeah i lost a family member last summer. its so difficult to get on. i was hte last to see her apart from her children and husband. i feell so so guilty i know there is nothing i could have done. but at the same time i could have told her loads of stuff. i knew she wasnt well but not to the extent of her taking her own life.

god help everyone who has been affected from suicide. i could get over someone who had died from a more natural cause, but to leave there house with them perfectly healthy and to wake up and hear they have taken their own life is heart breaking.

Fart

I lost a good friend in August. To put it bluntly, it sucks. I was sad... heck I still am but it's knowing that I knew the guy that makes me feel better inside. It has given me a better outlook on life too.

It sounds like I'm working off his death or whatever, but I'm not. It's not a nice thing to go through.

Sharing memories of him with those affected helps.

C-J

My sisters boyfriend committed suicide after a row 7 years ago. She will forever have this grief and guilt hanging on her shoulders, and she is a shadow of her former self. It just goes to show that suicide has a ripple effect and affects so many others apart from the direct family. I can say it's a part of my life and has shaped me and my way of thinking. Though it's a desperation that nobody can understand, it's also a selfish act. The person who does it is at peace but it shatters lives homes and communities.

LegacyUser

can i say it is so not a selfish act. i lost my sister to suicide and yes it breaks our hearts and her childrens etc. She was in turmoil. her mind was gone into overdrive. i never thought for one second she would do it, she put on such a show. but im telling you she is at peace. yes it left us in bits. but she could see no other choice because if i thought for one second she could. she wouldtn be where she is now.

more needs to be done for mental health hospitals and their patients.

kingelmo

Can someone answer me why suicide is such a taboo subject????????

My dad committed suicide when i was 2 years old, i only found out when i was 15 what really happened up untill then i was told it was natural causes he died of!!

My mother was left caring for 4 small kids all under the age of 10 when he died..

I the youngest was brought up my my 10 year old sister because my mother had to go out working after he died!!

It kills me everyday growing up with out a dad, I currently only have ONE photo of him and i together!!

But what really beats me up inside is that non of my family will talk about him!! NO- ONE!!! Im obviously cusious i obviously met the man but i was so small when he died i cant remember him.. There is only one photo to look at!!

No one will tell me anything about him.. Its the simplist questions i want answers to.. I have asked my mother and my siblings numours time to talk about it and they just say 'drop it', or 'some other time'.. but some other time has dragged on for years..

I started talking once with my sister and we got about 5min into the convo and she started crying and left.. i know its a touchie subject but why does it need to be!!

And like everything, everyone treats it as a taboo subject but its not its real life, effecting real life people so why cant people talk about it!!

Other diseases and illnesses are talked about everyday yet this is swept under the carpet!!

( i think im done with my rant now )

Eve_Dublin

Just got the terrible news today from home that my friend's younger brother killed himself over the weekend. I'm sitting here trying to make sense of it. I've never met a nicer, sounder, kinder fella in all my life. Sincerely. Sound beyond words. It really is a case of him being the last person you'd expect to do this. His poor family. He had a little girl as well. Jesus. It's like some terrible nightmare. Just sitting here asking myself why and why the hell does it happen so often in Ireland. Why do people do this and how could they believe there's nothing that could be done?

The world will be that little bit darker without him. He was one of the loveliest humans I've ever met. RIP.

kerryman12

Unfortunately I have twice, in both cases the last person you would think of. Just goes to prove you never know what is going on with someone else.

I never know what to do or say in this situation, just say a prayer for all involved - if that is your bag and try to keep trucking.

The one think I can say is that IMO dwelling on it for too long is not a good idea.

RIP.

Reamer Fanny

kingelmo wrote: »

Can someone answer me why suicide is such a taboo subject????????

My dad committed suicide when i was 2 years old, i only found out when i was 15 what really happened up untill then i was told it was natural causes he died of!!

My mother was left caring for 4 small kids all under the age of 10 when he died..

I the youngest was brought up my my 10 year old sister because my mother had to go out working after he died!!

It kills me everyday growing up with out a dad, I currently only have ONE photo of him and i together!!

But what really beats me up inside is that non of my family will talk about him!! NO- ONE!!! Im obviously cusious i obviously met the man but i was so small when he died i cant remember him.. There is only one photo to look at!!

No one will tell me anything about him.. Its the simplist questions i want answers to.. I have asked my mother and my siblings numours time to talk about it and they just say 'drop it', or 'some other time'.. but some other time has dragged on for years..

I started talking once with my sister and we got about 5min into the convo and she started crying and left.. i know its a touchie subject but why does it need to be!!

And like everything, everyone treats it as a taboo subject but its not its real life, effecting real life people so why cant people talk about it!!

Other diseases and illnesses are talked about everyday yet this is swept under the carpet!!

( i think im done with my rant now )

I think the grief is so overwhelming that people don't want to keep opening wounds by talking about so it's buried at the back of their minds(but not forgotten). I have experienced this first hand and I won't go into details on a public forum, I think suicide is a disgusting, selfish act which you are never prepared for and the aftermath for those around the victim is pure devastation so people have different ways of dealing with it, some bottle it up, some talk about it.

LegacyUser

Logged out to answer this one - I attempted suicide when I was 21. Some could say it was a selfish act, or there are ways out of your problems, etc, but for me, at that time, I couldn't see any other way out - and trust me, I tried.

The response to my attempt was nothing short of horrific. I woke up in intensive care, and was greeted sourly by a nurse over my bed calling me a ''stupid, selfish girl''. A few family members were there, and they repeated the same sentiments. My mother slapped me, my father called me an ignorant b***h. (I should say, for the record, that my family are normally mild mannered folk) My older sister banged on at length about how she and her husband had had to take time off work to come and sort this ''situation'' out. The ''counsellor'' that I was assigned drearily spent no more than 10 minutes talking to me, during which time she just accused me of having a high blood alcohol level (I had drank quite a bit to steady my nerves for the act of taking pills) and told me that I was a stupid drunk. I was told to attend a counselling session - the counselling session turned out to be an idiot occupational therapist and her student, who offered me cartoon pictures of ''Annie Aggressive'' and ''Arnie Assertive'' and told me to go home and draw my own Annie and Arnie. I didn't return.

After all of this, my friends told me in no uncertain terms that what I'd done was selfish and disgusting. My aunt took it upon herself to phone my job and tell them that I had been ill with food poisoning, and told me not to make a liar out of her by telling them the truth.

At no point during any of this did anyone ask me if I was okay. At no point during any of this, did anybody appear to care that I was so low, and so sad that suicide seemed to me to be my only option. I carried the pain and rage of the response to my suicide attempt with me for years, I still do now - the only thing that stopped me from trying again in the early days was the fear that I wouldn't succeed and that I'd have to go through all of this again.

I know suicide does devastate lives. I know that for those left behind, the pain and guilt is unfathomable. However, please try to remember that for those who commit suicide, their illness and their state of mind convinces them that there is no other way. Rational thinking people don't commit suicide for a reason - people that do are too sick to think clearly, and shouldn't be thought of as selfish.

As for the fact that people who commit suicide appear calm and happy beforehand, that is apparently down to the fact that they have settled on their plan - the fact that they have come up with a way out is something that relaxes them, so they often appear happier in the days leading up to the suicide than they have been before.

marymcg

goingderegforthisone wrote: »

I know suicide does devastate lives. I know that for those left behind, the pain and guilt is unfathomable. However, please try to remember that for those who commit suicide, their illness and their state of mind convinces them that there is no other way. Rational thinking people don't commit suicide for a reason - people that do are too sick to think clearly, and shouldn't be thought of as selfish.

I am so sorry for what you had to go through, goingderegforthisone. You are telling the truth when you say the pain and guilt left behind is unfathomable. We lost our 15 yr old daughter a month ago and the world seems so unreal and nightmareish. It has completely changed our lives and the way we think. She was a very rational beautiful intelligent young woman and she wasn't selfish. We believe she was just not thinking clearly in that moment.

dub45

marymcg wrote: »

I am so sorry for what you had to go through, goingderegforthisone. You are telling the truth when you say the pain and guilt left behind is unfathomable. We lost our 15 yr old daughter a month ago and the world seems so unreal and nightmareish. It has completely changed our lives and the way we think. She was a very rational beautiful intelligent young woman and she wasn't selfish. We believe she was just not thinking clearly in that moment.

My deepest sympathies to you on your loss marymcg. Over the years two very good friends of mine have been lost to suicide and only recently I heard of a further loss of a lad I used to work with.

I agree with you when you say about not thinking clearly in the moment. I have read many interviews with people who tried to commit suicide and the very sad and common feature was that they genuinely believed at the time that they would be making things better for their friends and famiiy by taking that course of action.

It is very sad to think of a person reaching such a state of mind.

kingelmo

justryan wrote: »

I think the grief is so overwhelming that people don't want to keep opening wounds by talking about so it's buried at the back of their minds(but not forgotten). I have experienced this first hand and I won't go into details on a public forum, I think suicide is a disgusting, selfish act which you are never prepared for and the aftermath for those around the victim is pure devastation so people have different ways of dealing with it, some bottle it up, some talk about it.

Thanks justryan

ennis81

To all who have lost a loved one or friend to sucide my sincere sympaties xxx
And to all of those who have attempted sucide and didn't recieve proper support my heart goes to you xxx

My sister attempted sucide again recently, I have tried to help her so much over the years nothing seems to get through to her. I don't know what to do anymore its been an endless cycle of drink drugs and sucide attempts for years, I can't cope with this situation anymore, it has effected me so much I think i'm depressed now myself , it has destroyed us all.
The mental health system in this feckin country is a joke

kingelmo

ennis81 wrote: »

To all who have lost a loved one or friend to sucide my sincere sympaties xxx
And to all of those who have attempted sucide and didn't recieve proper support my heart goes to you xxx

My sister attempted sucide again recently, I have tried to help her so much over the years nothing seems to get through to her. I don't know what to do anymore its been an endless cycle of drink drugs and sucide attempts for years, I can't cope with this situation anymore, it has effected me so much I think i'm depressed now myself , it has destroyed us all.
The mental health system in this feckin country is a joke

Here here, well said.

Sorry to hear about your sister ennis81, and i really hope she gets the help she needs. My heart truely goes out to you and yours, its not one bit easy to deal with, infact its horrible. I know its an awful situation to be in and iv been there but sometimes you need to take a step back and leave a professional to take over as you get so wound up in it yourself that you'd nearly believe that its you that needs help!!

I really hope someone in the health system or any profession comes through for your sister and your family. Its an awful and a heart gripping time and no one should go through it.

My taughts are with you

ennis81

Kingelmo,

Thank u for the support and kind words;)

goingderegforthisone

goingderegforthisone wrote: »

The response to my attempt was nothing short of horrific.

I had to reply and say how heartbroken I was at reading your post. You poor thing. I simply can't imagine going through that and that reaction from your family.
I hope you are doing much better now.

LegacyUser

Thank you, bluewolf and Mary - I'm doing much better now, thankfully. I'm in my 30's now, the depression that led to my attempt unfortunately never went away, but I'm treating it and living with it. I've been through lots of ups and downs since, bereavement, relationship and family breakdowns, money problems etc - I can't say I've never thought of suicide again, because I have, but it's an idea that pops into my head and pops back out again.

Ennis - I agree wholeheartedly. The overwhelming attitude from all the healthcare ''professionals'' I met, in the hospital and afterwards, was that I was a stupid wee girlie who was looking for attention and wasting their time. I dread to think how many other suicide attempts were treated similarly, only for those people to go on and actually commit suicide - perhaps if they had been taken seriously first time round and got the proper help and support they needed they might not have gone ahead. I know the system is way overstretched, but in my case, it wasn't the system that was at fault - I was seen by a psychologist beforeI left the hospital (for all of ten minutes) but she was mean-spirited and accusatory, and she conducted said meeting in a disused room near my ward, with me leaning on a table as there was no chair. While the system may have been stretched, it would have cost nothing for her to be supportive and kind, even if it was only for 10 mins.

LegacyUser

Lost my father to suicide... to this day I think it was an accident he actually done it and was trying to scare me and my mum. could tell by the way we found him.. he always made empty threats.. 5 years later im starting to forgive him..

LegacyUser

I lost my best friend to suicide 2 weeks ago. I will never think of him as selfish, I will never be angry at him. I know how much he loved us all and he knew how much we loved him but for him it just was not enough to get him through his mental torture.

I just cant stop thinking, no matter how much pain I am in at his death, what he must have been feeling was alot lot lot worse and that for me is the hardest part. Not my pain, but the thought of his pain.

If anyone ever says to me that those who choose suicide are selfish, I may actually punch them in the face.

marymcg

So sorry to hear that, zaqaz

If anyone ever says to me that those who choose suicide are selfish, I may actually punch them in the face.

I can easily agree with you there. I don't believe anyone that dies by suicide is selfish in my experience but I do believe that they couldn't see any other way out of their situation.