New relashionship and pregnant!!!!!

precise

Hi, Im 27 and ive been seeing someone about 2 months now, and found out im a few weeks pregnant, told him the other day and although he was very calm and understanding about the whole thing, he says he wants to come round and have a "chat" 2moro.
The thoughts of this frightens the life out of me. i have already got it stuck in my head that im goin to be doing this alone, and he'll dump me 2moro. he is a nice guy but times like this can prove otherwise.
and although i am strong enough to do it alone, i just cant bear the thoughts of him saying it to me.
i already have an 8 year old girl from a long term ex and although i would love to have more kids in the future, i would have never thought it would be like this.
he asked me was i keeping the baby and as im very against abortions i said yes, but he didnt know. i knowing its going to be one of the toughest things im going to do, and oh to break it all to the family, scares me. they have been very supportive over the years but just the shame of not being careful enough at my age!!!
just seeing if there is anyone on this with the same similar situation, im all over the place and dont know what im going to do!!!

IrishEyes19

I can understand him being surprised and uncertain about this, but if he dumps you because you are pregnant and all else was fine in the relationship before this, well then he's an absolute waster in my opinion. It takes two to tango, and he's just as much responsible for the life created just as much as you are. I hope everything goes well for you. best of luck

Overheal

http://www.positiveoptions.ie/

Katgurl

First of all congratulations op!!!

Secondly, I completely understand your fear of him saying he doesn't want it. I faced similar dilemma when I was in my 20s and I remember waiting for my boyfriend feeling sick to the stomach. It's crazy but once you have a life inside you I think your instincts kick in to protect and the thought of the two of you being rejected is too much to bear. Try to stay rational though as he is only being told about it and he might take longer to fully absorb it. So be patient.

You have made the decision that you can do it on your own if necessary so that is good. And you are going in with your eyes open. I'm sure he will be there for you in some shape or form and it's not against realms of possibility that it will all work out and you'll stay together longterm.

As for your family and the shame over the accident - you're not the first, you certainly won't be the last. It was a large dose of luck too. So give yourself a break. They will be there for you. Perhaps you could start with one member who is likely to take news well and ask him or her to help you tell others?

You will be fine op and at the moment you are all a spin because the future looks daunting but once you start talking to people who matter it'll all become a little less scary.

Best of luck.

Wompa1

Not to be negative on this or anything but how many weeks pregnant are you? Could this be pregnant by somebody else? If so, personally I could forgive a guy for bolting in that situation but maybe others would think that's a bit harsh

precise

thanks so much for the positive comments, your words really helped me there. were only together about 2 months and i just know that he wont wont to keep it, he loves travelling and to him it would be a disadvantage, i asked him did he ever think of having kids in the future and he said he does, hes in his 30's and has done alot in his life so far, it will certainly not be the end and i do respect if he wants to still pursue his life adventures!! but as you said katgurl it does take 2 to tango, i never dreamed of having a child like this but by no means will i take a life because of our mistake, i know i would suffer severe guilt and depression as to what i done.
i just hope that he could be a man and step up to the plate.
i couldnt forgive a him if he left, at the end of the day hes not a child, he knows about the birds and the bees, and no wompa1 it is his, i have not slept with anyone else but him!! im 3-4 weeks pregnant and thats that. its done, i will do this on my own despite the embarrassment, i'll find the strength from somewhere.

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

metrovelvet

Ok this might be jumping the gun, but no doubt his head will spin. Do not take the first reaction seriously. It is the shock talking, and the shock will be there for a while.

While its important you are supportive of each other, I think a line should be drawn before it gets out of hand as to what constitutes support in that neither of you should be each others dumping grounds. In other words get counselling individually so that the **** doesnt contaminate how you relate to each other during this challenging time. Do this early.

You are embarking on a physically and emotionally demanding time in your life. You are making a whole new person and that demands energy. Remember everything you feel the baby will feel too so remove yourself from stressful encounters where cortisol will be pumping through your veins. You will have a happier baby for it too.

He should also know that if he cant be supportive the least he can do is not make himself a nuisance.

I say all of this from the perspective of mistakes I made myself. Remember your priority is to your health and your baby's health too and be good to yourself. And lastly, congratulations.

i-digress

sunflower27 wrote: »

Really admire you, OP. All the best to you

+1 You seem like a really strong person.

But also, I second the 'don't take his first reaction too seriously' tack. Being a parent is a huge responsibility, it would be worse if he took that too lightly. Being responsible for caring and nurturing for another little person is huge, and might take a while to digest.

Best of luck

Miss Fluff

You've had a big shock OP so take more time to digest this yourself before telling your family and wider circle of friends. People who love you and care for you will want to help you. The guy you have been seeing has also had a massive shock so his first reaction may or not be his definitive one. You have done this before and you will do it again, right now concentrate on staying calm and looking after yourself as best you can so as not to upset the little 'un growing inside you. You will be fine.

Elle Collins

What is his situation Precise? How old is he, has he kids already etc? This could have a big bearing on how he is likely to take all this.

Acoshla

Elle Collins wrote: »

What is his situation Precise? How old is he, has he kids already etc? This could have a big bearing on how he is likely to take all this.

OP answered that in second post:

precise wrote: »

i asked him did he ever think of having kids in the future and he said he does, hes in his 30's

Elle Collins

Oh sorry, I missed that.

Well OP, I know it's far from ideal but I think it could be a lot worse. At least he's not got three kids already from an ex-wife who's never done screaming down the phone! I know one woman in that situation.

You can't get into anyone elses head and do their thinking for them. He'll think what he'll think anyway, so there's really no point stressing yourself out over that. Don't forget stress wont benefit the baby either

yungwan

You seem like a very strong woman and I want to wish you all the best with your baby and first child.

I went through a similar situation in my late teens and got through it. Yes it was difficult, but it has helped to make me a stronger person.

Unfortunately we live in a society where some men still afford the benefit of "Taking it badly" and fleeing, when it clearly takes two to tango. And quite often they take a long time to come around to the idea of being a parent. Its not fair I know, but thankfully women are stronger than this. I never regretted having my son so young and was lucky to have a supportive family around me. I am now very happy and engaged to another man, and my sons father finally spends enough time with his son. Everything works out in the end and it happens for a reason.

You have already decided to keep this baby and must get into the frame of mind that you are doing it alone. You are strong enough to do this. The babys father may or may not come around to the idea of being a father, but you can be strong enough to be a great parent on your own.
And you never know, he might surprise you!

Your family will be shocked at first but they will no doubt be supportive once they get used to the idea.

Best of luck.

MsHolloway

precise wrote: »

but just the shame of not being careful enough at my age!!!

Hi op, please dont be so tough on yourself, you can be using all the precautions available and it can still happen. No form of contraception is 100%. The most important thing is how you're dealing with it now, and personally I think you should be very proud of yourself. I really admire you, you seem to be a very strong person.

precise wrote: »

its done, i will do this on my own despite the embarrassment, i'll find the strength from somewhere.

That you will, hun! The strength is there don't you worry about that. And please don't feel embarrassed, you have nothing to be embarrassed about.

As for the father, he is by no means a youngster so hopefully he will step up to the plate. Like others have said, it takes two to tango here and if someone is prepared to have sex, then they should be prepared to take the possible responsibilities and consequences that come with it.

Don't worry about your family either, they sound very supportive. They may be surprised at first but they will support you through this, that I dont doubt.

I wish you all the best, op!
And Congratulations