socially isolated

LegacyUser

Does anyone feel life is too hard. I am 28 year old woman, i got no friends, not much of a family, no, moeny, no job. I am very socially isolated I am not the type of person who is very independant. I live alone in a bedsit, I have grown to hate dublin, I lost some faith in humanity when I moved to dublin. I just feel like life is too hard to live anyone i have got no one. I know there is always people a lot worse and I have a lot more than them

LegacyUser

I think I get judged too because I am Irish and I woman living on my own and there wouldn't be hardly any one in my situation. In generally Irish people are connected with their families and a lot of them travel back to their home where their parents are most weekends

Elle Collins

Hi OP. Look, there are two types of lonely. There is the good kind and the bad kind. It may feel difficult to appreciate, since neither type of lonely feels nice, but you're dealing with the good kind. That is the case because you're lonely because you are socially isolated, as you say. There is nothing to stop you taking steps to reverse this.

The other type of lonely, the one you're lucky not to be experiencing, is the one we feel when we've just lost a loved one to death or to the end of a substantial life relationship. When you feel that other varient of lonely, all the people in the world will not take your hurt away.

I'm sorry if I'm coming across as a bit tough on you, but you need to take your life in your hands and work your way out of the circumstances that are causing your lonely feelings, and maybe realising that you actually have that option, which a lot of other people do not, might be a good place to start.

Best of luck to you.

LegacyUser

Paulo Eli wrote: »

If you don't mind my asking, being a woman, do you not get approached by the opposite sex at all?

Do you go on dates ever?

You say you have a pretty isolated lifestyle, but even taking a walk through town or going for a coffee or something, do you ever pick up on signals of interest from guys etc?

Perhaps if you think about it, this may be a good place to start - but I'm obviously not aware of your entire situation, so perhaps this may or may not be applicable to you, but hope it's of some help.

I wouldn't go on dates, there is not much of a variety of people in Dublin that interest me. Most men just want to sleep with women, few men have respect for women and would have the same respect they have for their own sister/mother. I don't have faith to meet someone at this stage. Its very rare to find a gentleman. Thank you thoughts on it though. I wouldn't walk around town either, I don't like crowds and It just makes me lonier seeing people with their friends and family. Anyways I will live could be worse, Thank you

LegacyUser

Elle Collins wrote: »

Hi OP. Look, there are two types of lonely. There is the good kind and the bad kind. It may feel difficult to appreciate, since neither type of lonely feels nice, but you're dealing with the good kind. That is the case because you're lonely because you are socially isolated, as you say. There is nothing to stop you taking steps to reverse this.

The other type of lonely, the one you're lucky not to be experiencing, is the one we feel when we've just lost a loved one to death or to the end of a substantial life relationship. When you feel that other varient of lonely, all the people in the world will not take your hurt away.

I'm sorry if I'm coming across as a bit tough on you, but you need to take your life in your hands and work your way out of the circumstances that are causing your lonely feelings, and maybe realising that you actually have that option, which a lot of other people do not, might be a good place to start.

Best of luck to you.

You are coming across as tough I do really know what its like to have lost a loved one, I have lost a parent.

Nolanger

If you live in Dublin go to your local library.

LegacyUser

alone_lonely1 wrote: »

there is not much of a variety of people in Dublin that interest me. Most men just want to sleep with women, few men have respect for women and would have the same respect they have for their own sister/mother.

Socially isolated because of the circumstances you find yourself, or because of view you've taken of people in general and men in particular?

Sweeping generalisations won't help. Generally, if you want to see the worst in people, you will. If you show the world disinterest, distrust and disrespect, you usually get the same back. Start with how you feel and behave, see where that takes you.

MIN2511

OP, stop moaning and do something about your situation.
You and only you can help yourself...
You're not going to meet anyone in your flat; the internet is brilliant but it wouldn't do anything to help your situation...

Start going for walks, go to the local library, local anything; offer help, you say you're unemployed - go to your local charity shop and offer help...

There are so many things to do in Dublin; loads of free activities, bring a packed lunch with you...

Build on an interest you have, sewing, knitting, drawing, anything...

MIN2511

OP, stop moaning and do something about your situation.
You and only you can help yourself...
You're not going to meet anyone in your flat; the internet is brilliant but it wouldn't do anything to help your situation...

Start going for walks, go to the local library, local anything; offer help, you say you're unemployed - go to your local charity shop and offer help...

There are so many things to do in Dublin; loads of free activities, bring a packed lunch with you...

Build on an interest you have, sewing, knitting, drawing, anything...

Sonics2k

alone_lonely1 wrote: »

Does anyone feel life is too hard. I am 28 year old woman, i got no friends, not much of a family, no, moeny, no job. I am very socially isolated I am not the type of person who is very independant. I live alone in a bedsit, I have grown to hate dublin, I lost some faith in humanity when I moved to dublin. I just feel like life is too hard to live anyone i have got no one. I know there is always people a lot worse and I have a lot more than them

Move out of Dublin.

For one the rent will be cheaper, so you'll be able to do more.
Get a job, failing that do some Volunteer work and you'll be amazed how much better you'll start to feel about yourself.
You may even meet some new people and change your perspective on life.

Roselm

Nolanger wrote: »

If you live in Dublin go to your local library.

I agree.

My library always has interesting free courses on where you might find like minded people in a non threatening environment.

You could start your own group if there wasn't anything that interested you!

Elle Collins

alone_lonely1 wrote: »

You are coming across as tough I do really know what its like to have lost a loved one, I have lost a parent.

I'm sorry if you felt I was too harsh. I didn't want to say anything hurtful, I just wanted to impress upon you that this is a situation you can do something to change.

You said some things in your OP that indicated to me that you might possibly be suffering from an episode of depression. ("I just feel like life is too hard to live" ect) I wonder would you consider talking to your doctor about this? Obviously I'm not qualified to judge but he or she will be and if these feelings are caused or amplified by depression there'd be something that could be done about that medically.

ManOfMystery

alone_lonely1 wrote: »

I wouldn't go on dates, there is not much of a variety of people in Dublin that interest me. Most men just want to sleep with women, few men have respect for women and would have the same respect they have for their own sister/mother. I don't have faith to meet someone at this stage. Its very rare to find a gentleman. Thank you thoughts on it though. I wouldn't walk around town either, I don't like crowds and It just makes me lonier seeing people with their friends and family. Anyways I will live could be worse, Thank you

I'm sorry OP, but I expect you are going to get some comments here which you don't like.

You won't go on dates - but then say you're isolated and lonely.

You won't even walk around town - but then say you're isolated and lonely.

YOU alone are in charge of your life. This isn't the movies where some handsome rich guy will suddenly knock on your door by accident, discover you and instantly fall in love with you.

If you want something in life, you have to make it happen.

First off, are you actively job seeking? A job in itself will do wonders for you because it will force you to get out and about. You'll meet new people in your job, perhaps make new friends, and you'll likely encounter others through them. And there are the social aspects of a job too, such as the odd night out or weekend away.

With regards to dating, you're doing a huge amount of generalising. It never ceases to surprise me how people can have a few bad experiences with unfaithful exes or whatever, and then decree that all men/women are cheaters and they have no faith in them. There are currently around 7 billion people on this planet, so just because a microscopic portion of them treated you badly, don't tar the rest with the same brush. You have to give people a chance - there's someone out there for everyone, but unless you actually get out 'there', you'll never meet them.

What about getting into a club of some sort, or hobbies? Again, this is an avenue which can open many doors for you.

Life is full of opportunities; you just have to be ready to seize them when they appear. Locking yourself away in a bedsit will not do that.

solovely

OP, read back on your posts from an outside perspective....what advice would you give yourself? Probably something very similar to what everybody here has been saying.

Sounds like you have self-esteem/ social issues....have you thought about seeing someone for these?

I do agree with other posters though that the control lies strictly with you.

God, Dublin is such an amazing city to be single and 28 in!! I know friends living down the country or in cities in other countries and they don't have half the great lifestyle opportunities we do in Dublin. Small city, yet tonnes going on, for every and any interest you might have. People are still friendly and outgoing, genuinely interested in others. You are in such a lucky position yet all you can see is the negative.

Are there people in work that you make an effort to talk to? Do you ever initiate social outings? Even if you don't like crowds, there is so much else you can suggest - walks along Sandymount in the evenings, quiet cinema night/ Saturday morning, join clubs, go to the mountains for a hike, have a dinner party, volunteer (believe me, places are crying out for volunteers these days!)....so much on, so many ways to get yourself out of your bedsit....

Speaking of which....why on earth are you living alone in a bedsit at 28???

It really looks to me (and I have known plenty of people like this) that you get some sort of enjoyment of feeling sorry for yourself and living a solitary existence, as really and truly there is nothing (unelss you have personal issues that you need professional help for) in stopping yourself from getting out there and enjoying the amazing life opportunities that are in your path.

SlimCi

Hi there, I think you are socially isolated because you choose to be. Whatever has disillusioned you about people is not a healthy or right frame of mind to be in. I think you need to restore your faith in humanity and the goodness of people. I would suggest that you might join a group that distributes food etc to people living rough in Dublin, it might restore your faith in people etc. Just also wondering if you have a negative self image or what experience has so coloured your view of life. There are lots of good people out there but you have to find them, they won't knock down your door.....

santana75

solovely wrote: »

Speaking of which....why on earth are you living alone in a bedsit at 28???

What? Thats very judgemental. So what if the OP is living in a bedsit. What difference does that make to anything?

LegacyUser

Sonics2k wrote: »

Move out of Dublin.

For one the rent will be cheaper, so you'll be able to do more.
Get a job, failing that do some Volunteer work and you'll be amazed how much better you'll start to feel about yourself.
You may even meet some new people and change your perspective on life.

Well this is the third address i have been living in in dublin, It too hard to move, I don't have drive and have a car, when I moved here from the other place I was living in,It was very hard I moved with a taxi there was no one to help me the though of moving is too much but thanks anyways for writing. Yea i do some voluntary work, its something anyways

LegacyUser

SlimCi wrote: »

Hi there, I think you are socially isolated because you choose to be. Whatever has disillusioned you about people is not a healthy or right frame of mind to be in. I think you need to restore your faith in humanity and the goodness of people. I would suggest that you might join a group that distributes food etc to people living rough in Dublin, it might restore your faith in people etc. Just also wondering if you have a negative self image or what experience has so coloured your view of life. There are lots of good people out there but you have to find them, they won't knock down your door.....

thank you, thats a good idea to work for people who are homeless. I know there are some good people out there

solovely

santana75 wrote: »

What? Thats very judgemental. So what if the OP is living in a bedsit. What difference does that make to anything?

The OP claims to feel alone and lonely and not converse with people regularly, so I think choosing to live alone has a lot of relevance. I don't see how me stating that is judgemental?! Lots of people choose to live alone because they have the confidence and self worth to do so without feeling lonely or isolated, and fair play to them, but obviously the OP is not one of these people, so would she not feel less isolated in a house with other people?
Seems like common sense to me rather than "being judgemental"?!?!