One Big Problem

LegacyUser

So I am 21 year old f, I have a good job, family friends etc but I think I might have a big problem with alcohol, I don't drink every night of the week or anything, I go out two to three times a week but when I do I really do not seem to be able to control myself.
Things just seem to be getting worse everytime I go out, I black out a lot and don't be able to remember anything, I come home with things that don't belong to me and also do be missing things, three times in a row now I have thrown up in my sleep, last time was the worse I woke up laying in it and I had thrown up all over the house which I do not remember, I don't remember how I got home etc.
I fear that if I keep this up I'm going to end up dead.
I know the obvious thing for me to do is to stop going out and stop drinking but I don't seem to be able to, I have tried but then I get into these moods were I can't control myself and I end up out, it's really scaring me....
My life seems to be completely out of my control at the moment.
I'm not sure if this is related to it but nowadays I just constantly feel 'out of it' like I cannot concentrate on anything and have been having small 'blackouts' during the day were I am just completely dazed and unable to do anything....
I'm not trying to make an excuses but I feel that this really got out of control a few weeks ago, I was raped by this guy I know and I never done anything or told anybody about it since then I just seemed to have completely changed as a person, constantly living in my own head and getting drunk, I really don't know what to do and I am too ashamed to talk to any friends or family about it...
I really don't know why I am writing on here, just hoping to find some advise or maybe just to get it out of me...
anyway thanks for reading

cantdecide

I'm a bit useless with these kinds of problems, being a t-totaller but your post almost broke my heart. Have you sought any other help? You must.

You're obviously trying to play things down by your language but it sounds like you're really set on a path of destruction. Please seek help.

Gunslinger92

If you've been raped you need to tell someone. If not a family member or friend, there is a rape crisis centre you can call

Good luck!

eddison

HI OP,

I'm so sorry to hear what has happened to you.

Ok you have changed, but this does not mean its permanent! What I mean is, underneath who you are now, is still you, and you cannot loose that, even if you change outwardly.

You were raped? If difficult to understand here with written words, but could you explain more about this please?

Elle Collins

The only person I'd be explaining anything about the rape to would be a trained counsellor OP.

http://www.drcc.ie/

eddison

Hi OP,

I agree with the above poster- counselling is the best option. But I assume you already know of these options? Maybe a counsellor is not available in your area? Or you do not have the means to get to one? or maybe you do not have the financial means? Or maybe you are simply not ready for this, and have asked for help here. It takes so much courage to tell a counsellor these things, especially if you do not know them previously.

I really don't know why I am writing on here, just hoping to find some advise or maybe just to get it out of me...

OP, if you are not ready to say more of your feeling on this, then please don't. But you will receive some wonderful help here, if you share your feelings.

LegacyUser

Hi OP here,
"You were raped? If difficult to understand here with written words, but could you explain more about this please? "

Yeah I was raped by a guy whom I really thought I could trust which makes it feel even more unbelievable to me, this happened a few weeks ago and I did contact the rape crisis centre but wasn't brave enough to actually go in when they advised me to do so.
I do realise that the best option would prob be counselling but I honestly am not brave enough to tell anybody about this face to face, I feel too ashamed of it all..
Thanks for all of your kind messages