Whats wrong with me

gayguy2009

Lately I have been feeling so unattractive and miserable. I don't know why. People tell me I'm extremely good looking but I just don't feel attractive. Every time I'm out in a club and I see a guy, I always think I can never get a guy like that, he has bigger muscles than me, he's too good for me. I've been trying so hard at the gym the last few weeks to build my confidence as well as improve my health etc. I only see myself as a scrawny piece of **** when I look in the mirror. Even when I look at pictures in nights out I think I look awful. Its really getting me down and I dunno what to do

Aishae

you mentioned confidence - it could be part of the problem - but the root of it may be more to do with body image, self esteem and self worth. is there any friend you can talk to? or you may prefer to talk to someone who doesnt know you?


maybe try to work out exactly what you're feeling - what sets you off feeling this way - if certain times or occurances in your life have contributed. a bit like a diary. as the very act of figuring things out and understanding what the problem is can sometimes help a little.

Taltos

OP - not everyone likes big muscles. For some it could be the face, or their sense of humour - or even their empathy.

Maybe stop trying to be something you are not. Don't get me wrong - going to the gym and getting fit is a great thing to do. Being healthy has many rewards. Maybe instead try to figure out what it is you have to offer? What makes you different? Trust me - there is something, though you may never be able to see it.

I do think the previous poster hit this right on for you - your problem is maybe not one of being muscley etc - but may be more just down to your self-confidence. A little big of swagger (not too much) really does go a long way. When you start to believe in yourself others will too. So maybe instead go out and find some other activity or sport or group thing that you always wondered about and just have fun doing that. Once you find something that really makes you happy your confidence will follow quickly behind - provided that you stop doubting yourself.

In the meantime - you can start small. Every day and every time you think of it do the following.
1. Smile - even if you are not that happy to begin with - when you smile you fool your brain into releasing endorfins. Added to that people are much more attracted to someone smiling than someone frowning all the time.
2. Your phrase - pick one - something simple - and say it to yourself every so often during the day. "I am happy" / "I have loads to offer" / "I am confident" / "I am a catch" - these are just examples, but whatever it is it has to be upbeat and DON'T fall into the trap of starting a discussion in your head about your phrase when you say it - if you start and you catch yourself repeat the phrase... Mine for example is "I am calm and am a positive person..."
3. Ask folk how they are or say hi. When asked in return - "really good thanks" / something else positive. I keep failing on this one "not bad" - does NOT cut it, but seems to be hardwired into me.

So cut yourself some slack, find something you like. Find your positive and then highlight it . Change how others view you and in the process change how you view yourself. I think you will be nicely surprised when you finally see that your sensitivity and caring will make someome feel really special someday soon.

selfobsessed

If people are telling you that you are good looking then they are not doing it for the good of their health, so it's more than likely true.

I am a 20 year old gay guy, not much older than yourself, would be regarded as skinny and I honestly could not give a damn about having muscles because I don't find them attractive on guys at all. Infact a muscly guy turns me off, the skinny ones stand out to me infact, and if your 'extremely' good looking, then you have nothing to worry about.

We all go through low confidence patches, I had days where I felt I wasn't attractive despite the guys and the girls lining up for me. Just smile, hold your shouldrs back, head up and look confident like what Enda Kenny does

gayguy2009

thanks very much guys! i'll try what you said, feeling little more confident already