Problem with Women

LegacyUser

I have a problem here and I feel like a real freak when I think about it Ill give you some info on the situation: (Im a Guy)

From about the age of 12 to 16 I was overweight and had an issue called Trichotillomania where I pulled off all my eyelashes seriously dark time in my life where I was a complete outcast in life and I was consistently bullied at school by lads and then slagged by girls who would talk about how ugly I was. Now around the age of 16 I started getting fit lost all the weight put on muscle and stoped at my eyelashes and let them grow back, while I didint notice any changes myself people started telling me how good looking I was and I got offers to do male modeling (which I have no interest in), now girls started to notice me and I have been told about different girls alot over the last few years who are interested in going out but I just cant... I dont really know why but Ive tried thinking about it but I cant for some reason trust girls or women even though I wouldn't know them. I would often find myself in a situation where Im completely attracted to a girl and I get signals off them but I just go cold I show little interest and dont say much its like its automatic, this is starting to get me down for once everything in life seems like its getting good but I just cant make that step with women, Like I can have women as friends but when it comes down to a intimate level I struggle to go there with them. (now Im 19)

sorry about the rant any advice would be great or it would be good to here from some one who may have gone threw something similar.

LegacyUser

JohnLDublin wrote: »

I have a problem here and I feel like a real freak when I think about it Ill give you some info on the situation: (Im a Guy)

From about the age of 12 to 16 I was overweight and had an issue called Trichotillomania where I pulled off all my eyelashes seriously dark time in my life where I was a complete outcast in life and I was consistently bullied at school by lads and then slagged by girls who would talk about how ugly I was. Now around the age of 16 I started getting fit lost all the weight put on muscle and stoped at my eyelashes and let them grow back, while I didint notice any changes myself people started telling me how good looking I was and I got offers to do male modeling (which I have no interest in), now girls started to notice me and I have been told about different girls alot over the last few years who are interested in going out but I just cant... I dont really know why but Ive tried thinking about it but I cant for some reason trust girls or women even though I wouldn't know them. I would often find myself in a situation where Im completely attracted to a girl and I get signals off them but I just go cold I show little interest and dont say much its like its automatic, this is starting to get me down for once everything in life seems like its getting good but I just cant make that step with women, Like I can have women as friends but when it comes down to a intimate level I struggle to go there with them. (now Im 19)

sorry about the rant any advice would be great or it would be good to here from some one who may have gone threw something similar.

This might sound like a curious suggestion, but if you feel awkward or vulnerable to females - whilst a potential relationship is based on whatever relationships are usually based on - then simply use sex as the basis of your relationship, and work from there.

At the end of the day, nature is such that, without the sexual aspect, relationships wouldn't exist.
But they can, without everything else.

This is just a suggestion, probably one of many that you'll get, and perhaps it will serve no more purpose than to give you perspective on your situation, but simply learn to be sexual around females, tune into that "wavelength", for want of a better way to put it, and use that as your relationship basis.

By this means, you can exclude any potential vulnerability or possible resentment or whatever else may be the case, from manifesting itself within the relationship, as your effectively avoiding genuine intimacy (which, upon re-reading your post, is exactly what you mention your having trouble with), yet the basis for a relationship to exist is still there.

from what you describe, that your an attractive good looking guy - your basically in an obviously advantageous position to adopt this approach - perhaps it applies to your situation, or perhaps not, but it's a potential option, or at least a means to gain greater perspective.

Eve_Dublin

Hi OP. I was bullied as a teenager for quite a few years and I carried around a lot of anger and distrust of people around for a very long time. Even now at the age of 30 years old, I find it ridiculously hard to let my guard down with men I like and I'm trying to figure out how to let that go. I only tried one session of counselling, mainly because I couldn't afford it and now I live in a different country where I probably couldn't describe my feelings in this second language. Once I get a bit more money, I'm going along anyway.

It's only in the last year or two that I don't base my own self worth on what other people think of me but up until then, my confidence was directly linked with how someone felt about me, so my confidence was up and down on a daily basis and that caused a lot of emotional strain on me. It was very stressful. I was overly sensitive to even the slightest attack on my personality and couldn't just take it on the chin.

If you can, I suggest you go to counselling now. Get it out of your system while you're still young so you won't grow up carrying around that weight for the rest of your life because you really don't have to. It's totally understandable why you feel the way you do. All these emotions seem too much for you to handle on your own and you need to learn the techniques to deal with them.

Good luck OP....I hope it all works out for you and well done for taking action to change things round so early in your life. Respect to you!