Possible Depression?

LegacyUser

Basically, I have felt emotionaly flatlined for the better part of 5 years now. It seems to be getting worse now, where I barely leave the house unless I need to. I am in final year in a demanding 5 year course and I have not showed up for most of this year. Bombed several exams recently yet I don't seem too phased about it. My paranoia and upbringing leads to deep feelings of distrust, and I actually can't see myself going to a regular doctor to be diagnosed. The methods employed do not seem very foolproof beyond asking people trivial questions.

I want to improve my situation, but I feel such insecurity and distrust in people, that I cannot bring myself to seek out some advice. I don't want anything like this going on record, so I am starting to think toughing this out on my own not matter how bad, might be a better option. My concentration has gone to the dogs too. There is an issue eating me up inside to the point of self hatred. It's not good, and I don't think I can even mention it to anybody. It's been affecting me for the last year now. It's not good.

Starting to get a bit scared of how this is affecting me. I have missed many deadlines, yet I feel I am 100% responsible and that no one else really cares either way. I don't condone suicide, but I honestly feel like not waking up sometimes. Sorry for the rant, but I am at wits end with this silly teenage crap.

LegacyUser

You need to go see a counselor, what you just explained sound like depression but us people on the internet complete strangers cant make a diagnoses for you, trust me getting some help mite be the best thing you do, and help you clear your head.

RuthieC

You sound like you're going through hell right now. I'm sorry to hear that. You know there is something wrong, so at least you've stopped ignoring it. And I'd imagine things are getting worse now, because you've faced up to the fact that everything isn't ok... why is it that things often get worse before they get better!

What do you mean you don't want this going down on your record? Life gets overwhelming at times and there is absolutely no shame in that. If you don't want to talk to your GP, cause you feel it'll go down on record, then go to a therapist. You won't even have to give your full name if you don't want, so there's no record there.

There are small things that you could do to help yourself. If you listen to music, check what you're listening to. Is it all melancholic? If so, as an experiment make a playlist of your most upbeat songs and only listen to that. It's amazing how much it can lift your mood... especially first thing in the morning. Also, get out and walk about a bit. Getting the fresh air on your face and the time to yourself will clear your head a bit. Also, do you keep a journal? Sounds a little 14-year-old American teen and all, but putting your thoughts down on paper can be really therapeutic, especially if you don't feel you can talk to anybody. Let the paper be your shoulder to lean on. Do it every morning and every evening, in a way of clearing out the clog from your head.

I hope these suggestions help. I've been in that hell myself, and it took time getting out of it. Be good to yourself. Stop blaming yourself for missing lectures etc, you'll get there when you can. You're going through a really tough phase. Before you reprimand yourself for not doing college work, think of how you would talk to a friend going through something similar. Would you tell them off? Or would you tell them to go easy on themselves? It's time to be your own best friend.

I hope you start to feel better soon x