Will end up a trainwreck......

LC2010HIS

Ok. Please have patience boardsies....

This is about a recent relationship which, despite the break up being suggested by me, has left me very lost in myself. This is all put in order to give insight:


1) http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2056133930

2) http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2056149276


^^^^Here i stated the relationship was 2months.It was 6 weeks FYI:P

3)

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2056182454




The relationship lasted about 6 weeks and ive been left reeling. I just have no idea to pick myself up and stop obsessing over details
And please dont recommend councillors etc
And im actually am confident. Despite my meltdowns here. Its just where i vent.


But look....ive been very hurt over this. For a long time. And i just actually cannot believe guys just leave girls who they could possibly have a relationship with for a fumble with a randomer from the bar...
Why cant i just "get it"? WHy am i always the one blaming myself for having standards ?



I mean, i dont have the best track record with guys. And even being single i cant seem to reel interest! Im beginning to think is that guy ^^ all im worth? All im ever gonna get? I had a mad thought the other day that maybe i should of kept ignoring his behaviour because i am alone and burned once again. And the whole im still a virgin and unloved does bother me and im not gonna pretend it doesnt cause truly, it does. :(:(:(:(


Just so fed up here right now...........afraid im gonna end up alone and yeah dont remind me of how young i am etc, but maybe i want some hope? and i would like to feel desired and needed and loved......


just so so upset over that guy and how i was treated.....not fair...at all

Cheap Thrills!

Why don't you want to see a counsellor?

spinandscribble

I don't know how to put this without coming across as blunt and uncaring but I think it needs to be said just to stop this spiral.

it was only on for 6 weeks. The relationship seems to be over for longer then it was on...

I think you need to be tough on yourself, stop posting about it and tell yourself to cop on if you honestly don't think this thing runs deeper (ie. need counseling for other issues). I don't mean that in a bad way, just that there comes a time after a breakup that bothers you that you need to just go

"**** that, I'll meet someone miles better/makes me happier, someone who thinks the world of me and likewise, time to move on to that now"

By the sounds of it it doesn't look like you're missing out with this guy at all, not exactly the one that got away is he?

I know you're going through the leaving cert and you might be misdirecting your concerns about that and focusing on this ex.

Years ago, I might think about someone for longer than i should too and thats why I feel you should be tougher on yourself. Looking back I can see other things was going on in my life that made me focus on things like this and I get the feeling that's what you're up to.

Make some plans for the summer and look to the future.

LC2010HIS

spinandscribble wrote: »

I don't know how to put this without coming across as blunt but it was only on for 6 weeks. The relationship seems to be over for longer then it was on...

I think you need to be tough on yourself, stop posting about it and tell yourself to cop on if you honestly don't think this thing runs deeper (ie. need counseling). I don't mean that in a bad way, just that there comes a time after a breakup that bothers you that you need to just go

"**** that, I'll meet someone miles better/makes me happier, someone who thinks the world of me and likewise, time to move on to that now"

By the sounds of it it doesn't look like you're missing out with this guy at all, not exactly the one that got away is he?

I know you're going through the leaving cert and you might be misdirecting your concerns about that and focusing on this ex.

Make some plans for the summer and look to the future.

But thats exactly it! And your so right. The relationship wasnt that long. But it disturbs me that i didnt or dont have enough respect or dignity to recognise that! And maybe its because theres always a 7-8 mth drought inbetween guys. I mean, if i was havin flings and dating different guys, i wouldnt get hurt would i?

And i cant afford a councillor....i dunno, everytime i see that word i think "not me" :eek:

But I cant understand what has made me this way. I get into brief flings or relationships and end up heartbroken for about a year later till the next person :eek::eek::eek::eek: and its not like ive had sex to feel attached ...

Ugh im so sick of my stupid brain and personality for doing this to me....

Would u believe this: That girl he cheated with from the bar, comes into my work and i start getting flustered. And i know she has nothing on me. Shes your typical sloppy knacker (not being jealous,this is the truth....) and im classy and graceful, come from a respectable family and i should have a bit more confidence and be able to move on from all this..but oh no what happens? My heart falls, get that cold wash through my body and my face is burning up!!! And im not even in the wrong!!!

What the hell like ^^ and my mind was screaming "your better than them" i was so angry at myself. acting like a pile of nerves when ive done nothing wrong..........:(

spinandscribble

I wouldn't consider you better then her (tbh I find what you said about her and then yourself nauseating and nearly put me off replying). I don't see what's she's done wrong to deserve your harsh words when for all she knows your ex was single. Even if she was she has no responsibility to be kind/thoughtful to you, HE did.

Deep down this girl makes you think "he prefers her to me, maybe i'm less then her or she thinks x or y about me I can't take that" and thats why you get the cold sweats. He did not "pick her over you", he wanted to have sex, she was up for it, you weren't. This happens to many a girl, theres nothing unusual here.

just means he's not the guy for you....

edit: Seems you judge your worth on how a guy treats you. You say you stay broken hearted until the new guy hits the scene...you're going around placing your ego in their hands and waiting to be crushed. Whether its romantic or not, you can't wear your heart on your sleeve like that.

I believe I already told you this in a different thread but you should think about putting relationships on hold for awhile, until you have your head cleared and start to focus on why you need guys to validate you. You say in the Op you're worried about being a virgin and "unloved". Your worth as a person is not about how many men/women love you, its what you do with yourself and your actions. If you focus on that, you might find yourself less likely to have these spirals.

LegacyUser

OP, I'm glad that somewhere deep down you can recognise that this is not about the guy.

You're 17 or 18? Your hormones are raging, sex is still a mystery, you're incredibly jealous & you're mega obsessive & probably have self esteem problems.

Now... admit these feelings fully. Don't turn this on him, it has nothing to do with him. Own these feelings. He's not yours, but these feelings are. Everytime you wanna blame him for some outrage, take an emotionally reality check. Feel your feelings, don't rationalise, don't justify... and tell yourself that you are gonna let these feelings pass through you. Like magic, they will. They are only feelings.

Meantime, slow down. You will meet someone. You will feel these feelings again, and much more, for other men over the next 50 years. But if you learn to process your feelings now, you will have a better chance of coping with whatever is going on, and a better chance at handling relationships. Right now, your emotional need is overwhelming because you haven't learnt to handle feelings. Nothing scares people away like need. Sad but true.

Don't worry. I could've written a similar post to yours at about the same age. It gets easier and luckily, throughout life, there is a tap through which partners flow. Sometimes the tap is turned off & sometimes you get an annoying drip-drip torture system going on but other times, there is abundance. And with that analogy, its time to stop writing...

Chucky the tree

You and guys seem about as compatible as Superman and kryptonite. As the saying goes if you can't love yourself then how you expect someone else to love you. Desperation/neediness is one of the biggest turns off in someone and from your posts you seem so eager to get into a relationship that guys are probably very putt off by this. If I was you I'd just avoid guys for a while and learn to be happy single as until that happens I'm not sure you'll be happy in a relationship.

Denerick

LC2010HIS wrote: »

Would u believe this: That girl he cheated with from the bar, comes into my work and i start getting flustered. And i know she has nothing on me. Shes your typical sloppy knacker (not being jealous,this is the truth....) and im classy and graceful, come from a respectable family and i should have a bit more confidence and be able to move on from all this..but oh no what happens? My heart falls, get that cold wash through my body and my face is burning up!!! And im not even in the wrong!!!

Proof, if ever it was needed, that most people are the authors of their own destruction. (I mean that in the nicest possible way OP. But seriously take a look at the bolded text and tell me how you think that makes you look.)

flowerchild

Notice how you feel after interacting with or thinking about this guy, both long term and short term. Think about what you want to achieve, and why. Then make a conscious decision to either stop or keep going, knowing the potential risks. Understand your patterns and those you are interacting with. Cease the offensive labelling, both or yourself and others. It does not do you best justice. Remember that however long you think about or react to something is perfect for you. Just make it a conscious choice.

Taltos

OP

please go see your GP and explain how you have been feeling.
Go into as much detail as you can.
Hopefully they can refer you on to someone or a group that can help.

Let's recap though
1. Leaving Cert - this and only this is what you should be focusing on.
2. Ex - it was a 6 wk relationship which by the sounds of your 1st thread was always (ALWAYS) doomed.

I am unsure why you seem obsessed with raking yourself over the coals. Maybe it is a way to distract yourself from the stress of the LC. Maybe you at some level enjoy not letting go and allowing yourself to heal. However - having read all these threads and seen all the good advice you have previously received there is no magic bullet I can send you this time.

Please go see your GP and get the help you clearly need.
Best of luck. Seriously - call now and make an appt.

Firetrap

I don't know what it is that you think people can tell you this time around that they didn't the last few times. Either you enjoy wallowing in self-pity and want to be a martyr or there are deeper issues afoot in your life which need attending to. You decide. Honestly, if you're incapable of moving on from this at this stage, you really do need to seek professional help. If this is how you deal with the hiccups that life will throw at you, you're in for a bumpy ride.

booboo88

spinandscribble wrote: »

I wouldn't consider you better then her (tbh I find what you said about her and then yourself nauseating and nearly put me off replying). I don't see what's she's done wrong to deserve your harsh words when for all she knows your ex was single. Even if she was she has no responsibility to be kind/thoughtful to you, HE did.

Deep down this girl makes you think "he prefers her to me, maybe i'm less then her or she thinks x or y about me I can't take that" and thats why you get the cold sweats. He did not "pick her over you", he wanted to have sex, she was up for it, you weren't. This happens to many a girl, theres nothing unusual here.

just means he's not the guy for you....

edit: Seems you judge your worth on how a guy treats you. You say you stay broken hearted until the new guy hits the scene...you're going around placing your ego in their hands and waiting to be crushed. Whether its romantic or not, you can't wear your heart on your sleeve like that.

I believe I already told you this in a different thread but you should think about putting relationships on hold for awhile, until you have your head cleared and start to focus on why you need guys to validate you. You say in the Op you're worried about being a virgin and "unloved". Your worth as a person is not about how many men/women love you, its what you do with yourself and your actions. If you focus on that, you might find yourself less likely to have these spirals.

You may have just described me, last guy was a d**k but because he was into i put up with it. sorry for thread stealing. that was just wierd, im workin on me for a change, ive practically been in and out of relationships since i was 15. time for some me time

Zen65

Taltos wrote: »

Let's recap though
1. Leaving Cert - this and only this is what you should be focusing on.
2. Ex - it was a 6 wk relationship which by the sounds of your 1st thread was always (ALWAYS) doomed.

+1

Op,

Focus on your studies and stop allowing yourself be distracted by these issues. If you want things to change for the better it's up to you to get your own house in order. Posting here is not helping you, it's just serving to avoid taking responsibility for your own destiny. Pass your exams, get yourself into college (if that's still your aim) and make something of your life yourself. All the other stuff works out better when you do not dwell on it.

Be at peace,

Z

Novella

You're so young. It's not that you can't or don't "get it". Pretty much all of us have to go through this sort of stuff. I don't mean to come across as really blunt, but seriously, you just need to stop focusing so much on having a relationship.

Okay, you're sad 'cause your relationship broke up but I mean, it happens. It's part of life really and with time, it gets better. If you truly can't move on, then do see your GP.

Fluorescence

OP, I don't intend to be mean or cruel, but I think you need to cop on a bit and stop acting like a floundering child - tbh your threads come across kind of melodramatic and angst-ridden. It was a very brief "relationship" with a guy you were rather unsuitably matched with. It's over now. Who cares? Move on. You know why it needed to end so it's pretty much a case of just getting over it now! I mean really, what are you missing out on here? Sweet eff all, from the sounds of things.

For what it's worth, a few months between relationships is no huge gap. Stop trying to assess your worth on whether there's a love interest in your life or not, because ultimately if you're not comfortable being you you'll never be comfortable being you + 1. Ever. It might sound clichéd, but by God can I assure you that if you're resting all your hopes and dreams and your self-perception on some guy, you're going to get hurt time and time again. You need to grow up a bit and stand on your own two feet before you're ready to be involved romantically with other people.

As I said, I'm not trying to be mean here, I just want you to wake up a bit and start valuing yourself for who you are instead of for who you've managed to pull.

SirDelboy18

fluorescence wrote: »

OP, I don't intend to be mean or cruel, but I think you need to cop on a bit and stop acting like a floundering child - tbh your threads come across kind of melodramatic and angst-ridden. It was a very brief "relationship" with a guy you were rather unsuitably matched with. It's over now. Who cares? Move on. You know why it needed to end so it's pretty much a case of just getting over it now! I mean really, what are you missing out on here? Sweet eff all, from the sounds of things.

For what it's worth, a few months between relationships is no huge gap. Stop trying to assess your worth on whether there's a love interest in your life or not, because ultimately if you're not comfortable being you you'll never be comfortable being you + 1. Ever. It might sound clichéd, but by God can I assure you that if you're resting all your hopes and dreams and your self-perception on some guy, you're going to get hurt time and time again. You need to grow up a bit and stand on your own two feet before you're ready to be involved romantically with other people.

As I said, I'm not trying to be mean here, I just want you to wake up a bit and start valuing yourself for who you are instead of for who you've managed to pull.

Id thank that, the first paragraph in particular a million times if I could, very true.