Should I be angry?

LegacyUser

My bf of 15 years finally proposed and I'm delighted. It was a complete shock to me so we organised some quick drinks about 3 weeks ago on the day at about 4pm. All of my friends except 1, who I've known all of my life (I'm 32) and who I had always wanted to have as my chief bridesmaid made it in. I got a call from her about 2 weeks later saying sorry that she couldn't make it in but she ended up going to a house party that night and stayed there all evening. She still hasn't even met up with me to congratulate me in person.


I feel, that getting engaged is one of those monumental moments in your life where I can, unless you have something serious going on their life, expect my friends & family to join me in celebrating. I'm really angry with my friend that I got blown off for some house party. It's really has me broken up tbh, nearly at the stage where I don't want this person at my wedding.

ash23

You organised some "quick drinks" on the day and you're annoyed that she didn't drop everything and dash to your side because you decided she should?

Perhaps she had planned to be at the house party and was expected to stay or whatever.
You can't expect people to come running at short notice. If you arranged something for a week later and she blew you off I'd say you might have a right to be annoyed.
Have you asked her to meet you since.

Or are you expecting her to arrange it all simply because you now have a rock on your finger?

Being engaged doesn't mean much to anyone but you and your fianceé.
It doesn't mean the world now revolves around you and that all your friends should be qing up to congratulate you.

I get that you've waited a long time for this and it means a lot to you, but don't chuck away a good friendship simply because your mate isn't as excited as you are about something that actually doesn't affect her.
And for the love of god, don't go all bridezilla on her and expect all talk to be weddings and colour schemes........

Fittle

I have to say that I completely agree with ash23 here.

Your engagement really means little to anyone other than you and your fiancee. Yes, it's a time to celebrate etc, but I don't think you should have expected this friend to drop everything that day and run to your side.

Have you thought that perhaps she might be finding it difficult to congratulate you? (Is she single perhaps, or does she have a bf who hasn't yet proposed?) Does she like your fiancee? Or does she perhaps feel that after 15yrs, it's about time that that it's not the big deal you think it is (not a big deal for her, I mean).

It's entirely up to you but I certainly wouldn't be losing a friendship over something like this.

metrovelvet

No one is going to give a **** about your wedding 25% of what you do. That's how it works.

ah hang on a minute, her friend didnt tell explain her absense until TWO weeks later, if she is a really good friend she should have been in touch with her way sooner than that to explain the no show. If my really good friend got engaged tomorrow I would be very happy for her and congratulate her - because thats what true friends do, the OP hasnt implied that she is a bridezilla at all, fair enough it was very short notice for the celebration drink, i think she is more disappointed about the actions of her friend after the event, its a bit harsh to persume that the OP thinks the world revolves around her now that she is engaged - its a happy event in a persons life for God sake, by the way, Congrats OP!

deisemum

I don't think you've a right to be angry with your friend because she didn't drop everything and come running to you.

She already had something on and it would have been very rude of her to have dropped that and come running to you as such short notice.

If this is what you base friendships on then who needs enemies.

ash23

I got the impression the OP had been congratulated but just not in person by said friend

She still hasn't even met up with me to congratulate me in person.

Also, it depends on how often said friend is usually in contact or calls etc.

OP doesn't seem bothered about the 2 weeks, just that the friend blew her off for what was (in the OPs eyes) some house party instead of the engagement party and that the friend hasn't congratulated her in person.

Tbh, it sounds like they've known each other for years but aren't actually very close friends.
Maybe OP could clarify.

Azureus

It really depends on how much you know her. You say that you would have thought of her as chief bridesmaid etc, so to go 2 weeks without talking to somebody that close in your life seems strange (to me anyway, i would be in touch with my best friends at least weekly, but then again maybe that's just me).
I dont think its a big deal that she didnt show up to your engagement drinks. You organised them THAT day, at around 4pm, so late enough in the day aswell. Did your friend text/call in her congratulations when she found out? Or did she wait for 2 weeks to congratulate you? It really does depends on this.

I'd expect my friends to at least feign excitement for me if I got engaged, but I dont think its reasonable to expect her to drop everything. Especially after such a long relationship-it might be a massive step for you two, but to your friends you were probably already practically married anyway.

Congrats on the engagement btw

mood

Did people even know it was an engagement party?

Cheap Thrills!

Hi OP,

Don't be too hard on her. As the others said she had something on.

Also, I've been to probably 50 weddings and associated hens/whatever parties/lunches etc had to be gone to in association with them. They're pleasant enough but in the main I'd rather be doing something else!

That's no reflection on the person throwing the party but once you've said 'great, congratulations' and ooh-ed and aah-ed at the ring there's nothing much else to say.

When I think about the time/money and effort I've made over the years going to all of these in order to make it nice for the other person I half wish I hadn't bothered. I could have had plenty of holidays and nice things myself instead. After the person gets married you never see them again anyway.

The point I'm making is people do these things for other people. Your engagement seems huge and exiting to you. But to others it's just more blah!!

Years ago people did nothing for engagements. Now there has to be a party. A hen do used to be a few drinks/meal and then a local club, now its a long weekend in Madrid, a wedding was a day out, now it's a 4 day festival somewhere ...people inwardly groan at these things. It's not personal.

Be careful about turning bridezilla!!!