Anniversary

ChewChew

So I've got my Dad's anniversary coming up next week. I can deal with birthdays and christmas and fathers day and all that but just this time of year for me is impossible! arrgghh!!! I wish it was Wednesday so it was all over and done with

Owen

Know the feeling. It's my Dad's 20th anniversary today. He died when I was 12, and he was 51 - and I normally mumble through each year without a bother, this year's affected me though for some reason.

Hope your day isn't too bad OP!

ChewChew

PaintDoctor wrote: »

Know the feeling. It's my Dad's 20th anniversary today. He died when I was 12, and he was 51 - and I normally mumble through each year without a bother, this year's affected me though for some reason.

Hope your day isn't too bad OP!

Sorry to hear that PaintDoctor. I suppose 20 years is a big one isn't it. And I suppose 20 years on, it's not a whole lot easier either, just more managable.

My day was Tuesday. Have to be honest and say it was an absolute mare. It was his 6th year. Dad died when he was 50.. I was 21.

Hope you're doing ok though. It's a tough old day and just gets you ready for another year without him!

stupidusername

it's funny how you think about them all the time, and yet it's still such a big deal when the anniversary comes round.

my mams 2nd is coming up soon. been thinking about it a lot lately. dunno whether or not to go home for it. in a way i don't want to be there.but maybe i should be. cant believe it's been 2 years. i'm kinda still in shock.

jos28

Chewchew, so sorry that you lost your Dad at such a young age. I was twice your age when my Dad died and I was devastated. When someone very close dies you think about them every day, they are always in your thoughts so why should the anniversary day be any worse ? It's not as if you don't miss them every other day. Anniversaries just seem to make it all so real, its a definite marker that they are not coming back and it makes you realise how much you have missed out. All the things that have happened throughout the year that you cannot share with them. Life is carrying on and you can't tell them how things are going. When Dad died, myself and my sister decided to try and make the anniversary a positive day. The week before he died (unexpectedly) myself and my sis had been shopping in town, we bought Dad a couple of bits and called in to him on our way home. He was delighted to see his girls enjoying each others company and having a good day out. So we made a conscious decision to mark his anniversary with something positive. So we go into town, do a bit of shopping, have dinner and raise a glass to the most incredible man in our lives.

Doogieboogie

jos28 wrote: »

Chewchew, so sorry that you lost your Dad at such a young age. I was twice your age when my Dad died and I was devastated. When someone very close dies you think about them every day, they are always in your thoughts so why should the anniversary day be any worse ? It's not as if you don't miss them every other day. Anniversaries just seem to make it all so real, its a definite marker that they are not coming back and it makes you realise how much you have missed out. All the things that have happened throughout the year that you cannot share with them. Life is carrying on and you can't tell them how things are going. When Dad died, myself and my sister decided to try and make the anniversary a positive day. The week before he died (unexpectedly) myself and my sis had been shopping in town, we bought Dad a couple of bits and called in to him on our way home. He was delighted to see his girls enjoying each others company and having a good day out. So we made a conscious decision to mark his anniversary with something positive. So we go into town, do a bit of shopping, have dinner and raise a glass to the most incredible man in our lives.

^^^ I couldn't agree more. My husband's first anniversary was a few weeks ago, and approaching the day, I was a wreck. I was dreading it, I didn't want to have to deal with it at all. Then it suddenly struck me - I'm under no ''bereavement contract''...there's no rule book, anywhere that says I must behave in a particular way on a particular day. The day Ciarán died was the worst of my life, I relive the horror of it over and over. Why should I mark or celebrate the worst day of my life? Why should I attach special significance to the day a fit and healthy 38 year old man dropped dead, and the day my life went to sh1t? I don't miss him any more yesterday than I do today, or will tomorrow. So I made a decision. I will not celebrate, mark or commemerate the day he died. I will not make that day more important than his birthday, our wedding anniversary - they are the days I will mark. Once I made the decision, I literally felt a weight lifting. The dread and ill feeling in the pit of my stomach whenever anyone asked me, ''So what are you doing for the anniversary?'' disappeared. Whenever anyone did ask, they were met with what I've just said above. It got some funny looks and a few tuts of disapproval, but screw it. Whether or not I'm grieving the way someone else thinks I should is something I don't care about. Walk a mile in my shoes before you judge.

Tomorrow will be a tough day, there's no doubt about it. But try not to dwell on it. Think of how you loved your dad, and think of how he loved you; try to remember some good times, or funny memories, spend the day with friends or loved ones. You will never forget your Dad, but there's no rule that says you have to remember him even more on a particular day. I hope the day is kind to you.

Edited to add: just saw that it was last Tuesday, duh, sorry! Hope you got through it alright xx

jos28

Doogie,
So sorry to hear that your lost your husband whom you obviously loved so much. I cannot imagine losing the one that you planned to grow old with at the age of 38 ! I honestly admire your courage and imagine from the way your speak about Ciaran that he would approve of your decisions. Follow your own instincts, do what makes you feel better and most of all be kind to yourself.

Rubberlegs

jos28 wrote: »

Chewchew, so sorry that you lost your Dad at such a young age. I was twice your age when my Dad died and I was devastated. When someone very close dies you think about them every day, they are always in your thoughts so why should the anniversary day be any worse ? It's not as if you don't miss them every other day. Anniversaries just seem to make it all so real, its a definite marker that they are not coming back and it makes you realise how much you have missed out. All the things that have happened throughout the year that you cannot share with them. Life is carrying on and you can't tell them how things are going. When Dad died, myself and my sister decided to try and make the anniversary a positive day. The week before he died (unexpectedly) myself and my sis had been shopping in town, we bought Dad a couple of bits and called in to him on our way home. He was delighted to see his girls enjoying each others company and having a good day out. So we made a conscious decision to mark his anniversary with something positive. So we go into town, do a bit of shopping, have dinner and raise a glass to the most incredible man in our lives.

Glad you got through your day OK Chewchew:). Jos28, I love your post, its so positive and has given me some inspiration. I'm still in the very early days yet having lost my Dad after a very unexpected short illness 4 months ago. Christmas, and particularly moving into a new year without him was very tough. St Patrick's Day was hard as Dad loved it, I was standing on my own at our local parade with my eyes full of tears. Music was blaring out and all I could think was please don't play any Luke Kelly or I'll be on the floor:(. God I wished I'd brought my shades ! I'm conscious of both Father's Day and his birthday in June, not to mention his 1st anniversary. But I'm going to get onto my sister now, maybe she can get some time off work, and we'll steal your idea:p. Your Dad sounds like mine, he'd be pure delighted to see his two girls spending time together:)

jos28

73Cat wrote: »

Glad you got through your day OK Chewchew:). Jos28, I love your post, its so positive and has given me some inspiration. I'm still in the very early days yet having lost my Dad after a very unexpected short illness 4 months ago. Christmas, and particularly moving into a new year without him was very tough. St Patrick's Day was hard as Dad loved it, I was standing on my own at our local parade with my eyes full of tears. Music was blaring out and all I could think was please don't play any Luke Kelly or I'll be on the floor:(. God I wished I'd brought my shades ! I'm conscious of both Father's Day and his birthday in June, not to mention his 1st anniversary. But I'm going to get onto my sister now, maybe she can get some time off work, and we'll steal your idea:p. Your Dad sounds like mine, he'd be pure delighted to see his two girls spending time together:)

So sorry to hear about your Dad. It must be so raw at this early stage. Trust me when I say that the awful gut wrenching pain will go away, but not yet. All of the days like Fathers day, birthdays etc are very tough for the first ones. When you get them out of the way it does get easier. You eventually get to a stage where you are just so grateful that they were YOURS and nothing can take that away from you. I still shed a little tear for my Dad, especially when your hear his favourite music. Just take it one day at a time at the moment and remember if you are having a bad day that it will pass. Have a great day with your sister and enjoy a few laughs just as your Dad would want.

Rubberlegs

Thanks jos28:). Very raw right now, your right. Bad days and not so bad days, and the days where your still in pure disbelief. But yeah, I get what your saying, I feel intensely proud he was my Dad, and in awe at how brave he was with all that came his way. Nothing will ever take that away. I look forward to a time when it gets that bit easier to just remember him as he was when in full health, and to think of him with a smile. I'm very sorry you lost your Dad too, and for all the other posters losses too. I used to lurk here when Dad was ill, knowing that one day I'd be contributing to the forum. Its good to know I'm not alone in how I feel.