Girlfriend was raped

ThisNoize

Delete this. Appalling comments.

weeginger

I'm so sorry this has happened. In my opinion the best thing u can do is to just be there, if she needs to be sad, angry, whatever she needs to do, just being there will make such a difference. One of the most difficult things she will have to deal with is the "what ifs", help her there too if you can and help her to come to the understanding that no matter what the circumstance this was not her fault.

Is there any specific areas you want advice with?

Of have you someone you can talk to like a close friend, there's a tough road ahead for you too.

ThisNoize

I've done nothing but create the scenario in my head an re-play it, and keep thinking 'what if'. She has no idea who it was, she was very drunk.

I wasn't there and i feel so helpless and guilty. I love her and of course I'll be there for her.

I don't feel half as bad as she does, and I feel like absolute ****ing poo.

LegacyUser

My heart goes out to both of you. You must be devastated. As a rape survivor I would urge your girlfriend to get some counselling and go to a support group the sooner the better. Be prepared for an irrational sense of shame, but if she has the guts to go to the guards and to talk to someone about it this is the first step to getting over this. I hope that she will get some justice. As her boyfriend you will have to be very patient with her. She will probably not want sex/intimacy for a while and may even try to push you away, but if you love her like you say you do then you will have to be her rock in this difficult time. She is lucky to have someone who cares about her to help her through it.

weeginger

It's a complete cliche - but the what ifs won't do either of you any good. I wish I had something more useful to say other than it does get easier over time.

LegacyUser

sorry, op, just saw your latest post. this is probably not what you want to hear right now, but you should be prepared. if she was very drunk at the time there is little chance of the guards bringing the perpetrator to justice. disgraceful but a sad truth in this country.

Contessa Raven

Hi OP,

I know this must be devastating for both of you. I second what's already been said. Just be there for her. She'll go through a range of emotions and she'll be very upset alot of the time but it's important to reassure her that this isn't her fault. I don't know if she would be open to it but maybe ask her to get in touch with the Rape Crisis Centre. She may not be ready to take that step yet but let her know that it's an option for now or in the future.

You don't say where your location is but here is the website for the Dublin Rape Crisis Centre.

http://www.drcc.ie/

You can find the info of other centres around the country from Google.

Best of luck OP. Thinking of you both.

Be there for her and dont let her start thinking it was her fault or anything.
Counselling will be a must I reckon

Thoughts are with ye op

ThisNoize

The hospital told her that she didn't get raped at all. Some scumbag just came up to her while she was listening to the call of nature.. outside. Probably messed around.

She was fairly drunk and couldn't remember so she was scared.

Helps a little, not much though. They gave her the pill so could they be telling her what she wants to know?

Garda won't do F.A and I'm not surprised.

ThisNoize

ThisNoize wrote: »

The hospital told her that she didn't get raped at all. Some scumbag just came up to her while she was listening to the call of nature.. outside. Probably messed around.

She was fairly drunk and couldn't remember so she was scared.

Helps a little, not much though. They gave her the pill so could they be telling her what she wants to know?

Garda won't do F.A and I'm not surprised.

I severely doubt the hospital would be telling your girlfriend she didn't get raped when she actually did. At what stage did they give her the pill; was it at the beginning or when they told her she wasn't raped? Apologies for my ignorance with this matter.

ThisNoize

Deleted User wrote: »

I severely doubt the hospital would be telling your girlfriend she didn't get raped when she actually did. At what stage did they give her the pill; was it at the beginning or when they told her she wasn't raped? Apologies for my ignorance with this matter.

Really don't know. Will see her later and update you.

Kimia

Bloody hell OP, this might not be a popular opinion but it's fairly shocking that your girlfriend accused someone of rape when it didn't happen because she was drunk and scared. That's just unbelievable. I'm sorry that she was scared, but she could have ruined someone's life over this. What do you mean they probably messed around? I'm shaking my head at this - again I'm really sorry about whatever happened to your girlfriend but this is part of the reason why genuine rape victims don't get listened to if they are drunk. False accusations are very, very serious.

She needs to take a long look at her drinking. Jesus. :eek:

LegacyUser

ThisNoize wrote: »

She was nearly raped. 2 of my friends ran over after they heard her screaming.
The man legged it to the end of the road, where a car picked him up and they were gone. If they hadn't of been there, the worst would of happened.

I was nowhere near her when she rang me.

My girlfriend doesn't remember every detail but she would never just scream rape! She said she remembers him breathing on her neck.
She probably knows everything that happened, but she won't tell me because she knows how I will feel. That's how nice of a person she is.
She probably feels guilty, or dirty or I DON'T KNOW!!


I didn't sleep last night.

Every time I close my eyes, my sick imagination conjures up what happened/could of happened. I really don't know what to think. I'm depressed.
Ssome sick bastard got away with what he did to my love, if 'technically' it happened or not. Being drunk does NOT justify what happened.

You're basically calling my girlfriend an attention seeker, and claiming that she might have a drinking problem, and/or a liar.
Your comments are appalling.

I don't think that is what Kimia is saying at all.
From looking at your last post, it is possible that it could be misread as 'she was peeing when some guy came over. they might have fooled around, but she was drunk and didn't remember.'
It sounded a little like she fooled around with someone drunkenly, but was so drunk she couldn't remember exactly what happened, so said it was rape.
Crying rape when there is no rape is a very dangerous thing. (I'm not saying your girlfriend did this). That's all Kimia was trying to say.

I've no doubt your poor girlfriend is traumatised, regardless of what happened. She was assaulted by someone, rape or not, and that is a horrid thing to happen.
The only thing you can do, is be there for her. Comfort her now, and try to be understanding if it has any knock on effects in the future.