Tough decision but the right one, only time will tell.

LegacyUser

A girl who i was seen for over a year and hurt me in the end has come back into my life all of a sudden. Why i wasn't sure and to be honest i tried very hard to ignore her. I was crazy about her and i was in love with her but i left it too late in telling her how i felt and i didn't exactly treat her well towards the end with stupiud arguments and ignoring her. She broke the news and it crushed me, broke me in two and took me months to be able to move on. I cried over it, it hurt, she hurt me that much but it made me relaise how much i was in love with her but a little too late. She tried getting in touch with me but ignored me her advances. She texted my friend looking for my number and he gave it her. We started exchanging text messages, a few e-mails. I told her i was great, super which i am and she apologised for the way she hurt but that she thinks she has a made a mistake and wants desperately to come to ireland to see me. I was so shocked at hearing this i felt like i couldn't breed, catch my breath. I had to think about it. I still care about her and think about her every other day i told her in the end i couldn't trust her after everything and that she doesn't know how hurt i was. I bottled it all up inside from friends, work colleagues to family. She hurt me too much that i promised i would never let it happen again. I told her that as much as i care about her and love her i couldn't trust her and i couldn't see it working out long term like i once could, who knows maybe i'm making a massive mistake. She was crushed and wasn't expecting that answer. I've since gotten a few e-mails and texts messages which i have ignored.

I proud of myself for been so strong.

I just don't want to look back at my life regretting this decision

peekyboo

So OP let me get this straight - you were in love with this girl but treated her badly and ignored her so she decided she wasn't putting up with this BS and ended it. Then you got hurt and somehow this is her fault?? What exactly did she do wrong? And what age are you if you don't mind me asking?

cantdecide

+1

Did she deserve this treatment? I mean was it retaliatory somehow? Did you randomly begin mis-treating this girl for no reason and she dumped you?

LegacyUser

If this girl has hurt you so badly in the past, what reason do you have to believe anything's changed? No matter how much somebody might want to change we are all essentially products of our own personalities

flowerchild

You need to work out what result you want. And take the risk of being honest with her, which might feel hard if it is not what you ordinarily do.

Becoming vulnerable is tricky, but it holds the possibility of either a good relationship with someone that you cared about, or at the very least, more of a sense of resolution between you.

Go on, bring out your feminine side

Wompa1

I didn't get your story either...I'm assuming maybe you guys were arguing and it was a case that you felt or at least she made you feel it was your problem that was causing the arguments?...

Then she cheated on you? and created a very bad break up? Or maybe just moved on very quick and was very spiteful about it?..or I'm completely wrong

FoxT

OP, I am 47 now, and married, but still remember vividly the intense feelings I had for certain girls when I was younger (including my wife, of course). I can understand how you felt crushed & vulnerable, and how you would not want to be that vulnerable to somebody again. But, In the long run, the only valuable relationships you will have will be with those to whom you allow yourself to become somewhat vulnerable.
It sounds like this girl has been hurt by your actions, too. Maybe you both have the potential to have something good together. There is only one way to find out.Give it a try. Contact her, explain how you felt, & why you acted the way you did. Talk it through & see if you have a way forward together. If you do, great, if not, that's OK too - at least you wont spend years wondering...

-FoxT

eddison

Personally I think you are foolish. This kind of relationship only comes along once or twice in your life. Ok you said you stayed strong?

Would it not be braver to go into this relationship, knowing you could be hurt again? that is being strong my friend, but can you do it?

If you cannot keep your head, and keep your self respect, and feel you will loose yourself in the relationship, and loose your dignity, then you should NOT go into the relationship.
In other words if you are weak willed.
But if you can keep your head, as a man, with pride, and self respect- always, you should consider going into the relationship.
Its about self control dog, and keeping a grip on yourself. Never let a partner be in control of you, that is fatal.

LegacyUser

peekyboo wrote: »

So OP let me get this straight - you were in love with this girl but treated her badly and ignored her so she decided she wasn't putting up with this BS and ended it. Then you got hurt and somehow this is her fault?? What exactly did she do wrong? And what age are you if you don't mind me asking?

What i ment is that i took it her for granted and started to take my eye of the ball in regards her towards the end. Maybe saying treating her badly was wrong explanation. It was just little things like silly arguments and not calling her when i had arranged too. In the end she finished it and said she no longer felt the same but i kinda saw it coming in once sense between us because she was quite distant but i wasn't honest enough with her. Even though i say i saw it coming at the time it still hurt like hell because she knew how much i liked her and what i thought about her and us. Now she has come back into my life saying she has a made a mistake but i'm not willing to take a risk again, it comes down to trust for me in the end and she hurt me too much at the time. I've not met anyone else but i have moved on and i am happy with myself once again.

dearg lady

Rightdecision wrote: »

What i ment is that i took it her for granted and started to take my eye of the ball in regards her towards the end. Maybe saying treating her badly was wrong explanation. It was just little things like silly arguments and not calling her when i had arranged too. In the end she finished it and said she no longer felt the same but i kinda saw it coming in once sense between us because she was quite distant but i wasn't honest enough with her. Even though i say i saw it coming at the time it still hurt like hell because she knew how much i liked her and what i thought about her and us. Now she has come back into my life saying she has a made a mistake but i'm not willing to take a risk again, it comes down to trust for me in the end and she hurt me too much at the time. I've not met anyone else but i have moved on and i am happy with myself once again.

I can't quite understand the big issue, seems like you both became a bit distant cos maybe both of you were afraid to put yourself on the line and risk being knocked back, The relationship obviously stagnated, and she made the decision to finish it, fair enough.

She has now come back into your life and she is being totally honest and taking the risk. You say you love her and think about her often.

Based purely on what you've posted I think you'd be mad NOT to try again.

cantdecide

Rightdecision wrote: »

...It was just little things like silly arguments and not calling her when i had arranged...i kinda saw it coming in once sense between us because she was quite distant but i wasn't honest enough with her...

Do you suffer with insecurity? You're not giving too much away but it seems to me that you probably did appreciate her but you ended up sabotaging this relationship with paranoia. It sounds to me that a lack of openness <spell> is at least partly to blame. Having had time apart, she still likes you and you still like her.

At 29, I've noticed that a surprising amount of my friends that were in couples that went their separate ways have now re-kindled the old flame and have only now got it together. I know ffour such couples. I think this might be the same phenomenon at work.

What are the chances of lightning striking twice? Very little, IMO.

LegacyUser

cantdecide wrote: »

Do you suffer with insecurity? You're not giving too much away but it seems to me that you probably did appreciate her but you ended up sabotaging this relationship with paranoia. It sounds to me that a lack of openness <spell> is at least partly to blame. Having had time apart, she still likes you and you still like her.

At 29, I've noticed that a surprising amount of my friends that were in couples that went their separate ways have now re-kindled the old flame and have only now got it together. I know ffour such couples. I think this might be the same phenomenon at work.

What are the chances of lightning striking twice? Very little, IMO.

I don't suffer from insecurity. It was long distance which made tough and she also met someone else and told me out of the blue, no warnings or anything. I knew something was up with her, she was acting very strange towards me, i noticed the little things. In the end she told me and even though i had my suspicions it still hurt like hell. At the time she was all i ever thought and for months after. At the time i knew how badly i messed up but now i believe it was right decision by her because with the long distance she would've had to move here. She called me on thursday morning when i was in work and we talked, she had a few drinks but whats worse is she still with the same person she met after me? She was probing and even started to cry. I had to make my excuses and go because i didn't want to get sucked in and she had a few drinks. I don't know maybe now she realises what she has lost who knows but knows i'll always care for her and be here but only as a friend. I may live to regret the decision and there was a time id have done anything to get her back but time is really a great healer and i've moved on from her and that period of my life, i'll always have the great memories and we will remain friends or at least i will. If she was serious then she would need to move to Ireland to really get my attention but that won't happen and i'm not doing the long distance now or again ever.

Miss Fluff

To be honest I think it is her that deserves the sympathy here. You totally, whether intentionally or not, engineered the break up by treating her appallingly. You left her with no other choice but to finish things, which she did. You then got upset because you realised what you lost. She has now, after a year's contemplation come back into your life and bravely tells you she still cares for you and still misses you and yet again you throw it back in her face?

You obviously don't care enough about her so that's one decision you have made correctly. But maybe its time to decide now what it is you do actually want from life as from where I'm standing you seem like one deeply confused individual.....

And as for HER moving to Ireland to "get your attention"? I'm sorry but get over yourself.

mood

OP if you do decide to meet her again and give it a go be honest this time around. You said you loved her but never told her and you were with her a year! That sound like game playing (maybe I'm wrong) and can't be good for any relationship.

LegacyUser

Miss Fluff wrote: »

To be honest I think it is her that deserves the sympathy here. You totally, whether intentionally or not, engineered the break up by treating her appallingly. You left her with no other choice but to finish things, which she did. You then got upset because you realised what you lost. She has now, after a year's contemplation come back into your life and bravely tells you she still cares for you and still misses you and yet again you throw it back in her face?

You obviously don't care enough about her so that's one decision you have made correctly. But maybe its time to decide now what it is you do actually want from life as from where I'm standing you seem like one deeply confused individual.....

You really have it all wrong if you think she deserves the sympathy. I never treated her badly, infact it was the complete opposite. It was only in the end when she stopped answering my e-mails, text messages and phone calls that i became more distant. I asked her multiple times if everything was ok, gave her plenty of opportunities to be honest and she always avoided the question. She wouldn't reply back for days when before when it was minutes. What was i ment to do at the time? I didn't stop contact altogether but i became more distant. She dropped the bombshell that she met someone else so while avoiding me she was seeing someone else.

Miss Fluff wrote: »

And as for HER moving to Ireland to "get your attention"? I'm sorry but get over yourself.

Get over myself? I wouldn't get a visa for her country so i wouldn't be able to work or live there, i would be illegal so not much of a life which she already knows. I don't see the point if its only going to be a long distance relationshp.