Won't leave me alone

Wompa1

Hi Guys,

I've cut off contact with my ex. We broke up about 2 months ago now. She wanted the break up and I'm still devestaed. I've managed in the last 2 weeks to try and get over her, I sent her on last e-mail over 2 weeks ago stating I didn't want to talk to her anymore and that I would ignore her if I saw her in town. She has messaged me 3 times this week and tomorrow is my birthday so I expect a 4th. Each of the messages has really hurt to see but I'm trying to not reply. If she texts me tomorrow it will ruin my day...I feel like she is doing this to make herself feel like less of a b!tch since she went off with someone else and ended it. I don't think I can take anymore messages..the pain is too much.

Is there anyway with dealing with this? Or do I just have to keep ignoring her until she stops(that will be torture)?

ABajaninCork

You've already told her that you want no more contact. She's ignored it.

Why not just change your number?

Kimia

Sorry to hear that Wompa. Try and distract yourself from the immediate pain and when it's not as raw, then you can deal with it.

I would send her a text asking her to please stop contacting you, that you would like to be left alone. Very short and concise. Then delete each message after that as they come in. She'll get the message.

It'll get better, the pain will ease. Be nice to yourself now, treat yourself and pamper yourself - eat some of your favourite foods, meet positive friends who you have a great time with, go for some long runs with some fast music, and maybe buy yourself a really absorbing game on the computer/xbox/ps etc if that's what you're into. This too shall pass.

Wompa1

Kimia wrote: »

Sorry to hear that Wompa. Try and distract yourself from the immediate pain and when it's not as raw, then you can deal with it.

I would send her a text asking her to please stop contacting you, that you would like to be left alone. Very short and concise. Then delete each message after that as they come in. She'll get the message.

It'll get better, the pain will ease. Be nice to yourself now, treat yourself and pamper yourself - eat some of your favourite foods, meet positive friends who you have a great time with, go for some long runs with some fast music, and maybe buy yourself a really absorbing game on the computer/xbox/ps etc if that's what you're into. This too shall pass.

She dropped a letter in and I resisted the urge to open it, I was just going to mail it back. I can't believe she would do this, she knows I'm really hurting and it's her that wanted to move on...I've been doing well the last few weeks, trying to distract myself and now it's all come flooding back...what a selfish b*tch

ABajaninCork

Wompa1 wrote: »

She dropped a letter in and I resisted the urge to open it, I was just going to mail it back. I can't believe she would do this, she knows I'm really hurting and it's her that wanted to move on...I've been doing well the last few weeks, trying to distract myself and now it's all come flooding back...what a selfish b*tch

That's really naughty of her, knowing you're suffering. Rather than post the letter back, just burn it...

Wompa1

ABajaninCork wrote: »

You've already told her that you want no more contact. She's ignored it.

Why not just change your number?

I'm thinking of getting a new phone in a few weeks time so will most likely do this. Thanks for the suggestion, it will be a pain in the ass needing to remember a new number and telling people I switched but it's better than the pain I'm feeling after reading that letter..presumably she won't be sending me anymore...wierdest thing about it is she put my name as Mr As though it's very formal...that p*ssed me off too.

Drodan

In the short term, if getting a txt off her tomorrow will ruin your day, keep your phone off. Nice and simple. If your doing anything for your birthday tell your mates to contact through your house phone, or close mates phone or something.

Fair play for not opening the letter she sent too. Sounds like she's becoming more and more aggressive to try and get a reaction out of you.

Oh and happy birthday!

Wompa1

Drodan wrote: »

In the short term, if getting a txt off her tomorrow will ruin your day, keep your phone off. Nice and simple. If your doing anything for your birthday tell your mates to contact through your house phone, or close mates phone or something.

Fair play for not opening the letter she sent too. Sounds like she's becoming more and more aggressive to try and get a reaction out of you.

Oh and happy birthday!

Sorry to say but I did open it today finally. It was 2 tickets to a gig last Thursday night and her saying she missed me and would go with me if I wanted or I could go with a friend. I had a feeling that's what it was but I had no intention of going and told her that...she bought them before we broke up but needed to collect the tickets with her credit card.

I wouldn't have gone anyway and she knew that.

My birthday is another problem. Most of my friends have emmigrated. I have 3 left. 1 is in Monaghan for the weekend, 1 is in Longford and the other is in France..it's going to be a tough day as it is. I might just turn off the phone like you said. Turn it back on, on Monday. Great advise. Thanks guys! You are a great support!

Drodan

Well the fact that what was in the letter was about something which has already passed means you spared yourself the thoughts and anxiety over it which is good.

I'd leave the phone off, and if you do go somewhere then don't go to somewhere where she'd expect you to go, just incase.

thomaseye

Hi,
You could always hook up with her on your birthday, propasition her for sex as it is your 'birthday' and just as you're about to get into it, get up and tell her you wouldn't lower yourself to sleep with the likes of her and then leave.
You get rid of her once and for all and a fantastic birthday present, which you gave yourself. She will not be sendng you childish messages after that.

LegacyUser

Same thing happened me a few years ago. This guy who I was seeing for a few years broke up with me and started seeing someone else, it totally broke my heart. But he kept ringing and texting me. I could not get over the relationship at all. Him calling all the time only dragged it out.

It went on for a few months like this. I don't know how his new girlfriend did not get pissed off with him. So in the end, I changed my phone number. I should have done it sooner.

So Happy Birthday to you, and why don't you treat yourself to a new phone and number as your birthday present to yourself!

spinandscribble

Sounds like she knows you'll be alone on your birthday and feels bad. In all likeihood shes not evil and plotting to destroy you, just feels bad about the breakup and is mixing up letting you move on and easing her responsible for it.
I wouldn't change your number, its a hassle and she's get over herself when she isn't getting a reaction from you.

Taltos

Sorry to hear about this Wompa.

Been through something similar. You are handling it spot on really. Just be consistent. Keep ignoring texts / calls / letters.
Also have some line ready for when she does just "bump" into you - chances are she will try to be somewhere you are some stage. The greatest thing you can do here is just show that you don't care one way or another - as much as it hurts just look at her like you trod in dog sh1t and that you are more bored than you ever have been in your life.
Don't react in any way...

Eventually she will get the message.
Happy birthday tomorrow though, hope you remember to turn off that 360 and get out there

Wompa1

Taltos wrote: »

Sorry to hear about this Wompa.

Been through something similar. You are handling it spot on really. Just be consistent. Keep ignoring texts / calls / letters.
Also have some line ready for when she does just "bump" into you - chances are she will try to be somewhere you are some stage. The greatest thing you can do here is just show that you don't care one way or another - as much as it hurts just look at her like you trod in dog sh1t and that you are more bored than you ever have been in your life.
Don't react in any way...

Eventually she will get the message.
Happy birthday tomorrow though, hope you remember to turn off that 360 and get out there

Ha Ha Thanks. Haven't played it in 3 weeks but still not been out socialising. Will have to work on that! I've been trying to create my own blog website for my work. Working on my career..all the while my job isn't all that important to me. I'd much rather have true love.

Thanks for all the help guys and the birthday wishes

kerryman12

Hi Wompa1

Sorry to hear your news lad. I have to say she is being very selfish, considering how she treated you. Bearing that in mind you should be prepared for that txt tomorrow. As mentioned above eventually she will move on and leave you in piece.

Happy birthday.

Moe1

FYI, you can just block her number from your phone. I went through the same thing a few years ago. Didn't want the hassle of changing numbers, the annoyance of him knowing what his action had pushed me into, or the worry about him getting my number and being back to square one. I'm with meteor, just rang customer care, said I was having a bit of bother and could they block number 08xxxxxxxx from contacting my phone. Done on the spot.
Possibly the best part is that if he does try to ring me, it just sounds as if it's ringing out, while I'm blissfully unaware. Same with texts, he thinks they've delivered and I'm ignoring him, but I'm getting on with my day, uninterrupted.

Vicxas

Stay strong Wompa, the only reason shes doing this is because shes probably regretting going off with this guy and wants you as a backup just in case it goes south, fair play for staying so strong!

Wompa1

Vicxas wrote: »

Stay strong Wompa, the only reason shes doing this is because shes probably regretting going off with this guy and wants you as a backup just in case it goes south, fair play for staying so strong!

I didn't stay strong I'm afraid. I rang her. I'm a complete wreck guys. I know no contact is the best way but given my circumstances I'm finding it very difficult . All of my friends are away at the moment and I live alone. I've been trying to distract myself but it's been very hard. I thought I was making strides but then on Friday and Saturday her messages started to get to me. On Sunday I just cracked. F**k it, wish I didn't in a way but it was way too difficult not to react and to stay sitting and stirring with my own thoughts

Miss Fluff

Poor thing. Each day will get easier but you need to be strict with yourself. Contacting her really wasn't a good idea at all as it will set you back. I do think she's a selfish cow however to insist on contacting you.

Which network provider are you with? I know I've blocked people from texting me at all. I'm with O2. Look into getting your number blocked. If you can't then you need to get a new number sharpish. Also delete her from any social networking sites etc.

Taltos

OK - so you rang her - not the end of the world - we all slip sometime.

However - now is the ideal time to contact your service provider and get her number blocked... Also inquire if they can restrict that number from being dialed by your phone? (don't think so but you never know).

In the meantime do try to get out - even if it just for a walk or a drive. I always found a stormy wind off the sea to be a great mind-cleaner...

Then when you next have say an hour or two - browse for local groups in your area or just beyond.
> surfing
> kayaking
> mountain biking
> running
Most groups do intro weekends - a great way to meet new folk and the excitement/nervousness of how wrecked you will be at the end of the first day will hopefully give you something to look forward to. Push for something you would not normally consider doing - just to add that extra little edge - pushing your boundaries etc

And block that number now...

Wompa1

Taltos wrote: »

OK - so you rang her - not the end of the world - we all slip sometime.

However - now is the ideal time to contact your service provider and get her number blocked... Also inquire if they can restrict that number from being dialed by your phone? (don't think so but you never know).

In the meantime do try to get out - even if it just for a walk or a drive. I always found a stormy wind off the sea to be a great mind-cleaner...

Then when you next have say an hour or two - browse for local groups in your area or just beyond.
> surfing
> kayaking
> mountain biking
> running
Most groups do intro weekends - a great way to meet new folk and the excitement/nervousness of how wrecked you will be at the end of the first day will hopefully give you something to look forward to. Push for something you would not normally consider doing - just to add that extra little edge - pushing your boundaries etc

And block that number now...

Thanks again guys. I'll work on getting her number blocked. I've blocked her on Gmail. I'm not a very strong swimmer and I have a problem with a knee but I am going to try playing soccer on Tuesdays (not good for the knee either but it might get me to socialize a bit more)
Will also try going to a techie meeting I just found out about from the guy I'm training at work. It's every Wednesday night. So that would be 2 things to break up my time. I've started a web blog too which I'd like to give at least one night a week too. So maybe things can get better.

I hate her so much for how she has treated me. I think I just miss the companionship rather than her specifically. I'm also trying to get out on the internet dating scene but am finding that very difficult! I think I'm a little bit too honest. But again, thank you very much for your support.

My family seem to have run out of compassion

booboo88

Wompa1 wrote: »

Thanks again guys. I'll work on getting her number blocked. I've blocked her on Gmail. I'm not a very strong swimmer and I have a problem with a knee but I am going to try playing soccer on Tuesdays (not good for the knee either but it might get me to socialize a bit more)
Will also try going to a techie meeting I just found out about from the guy I'm training at work. It's every Wednesday night. So that would be 2 things to break up my time. I've started a web blog too which I'd like to give at least one night a week too. So maybe things can get better.

I hate her so much for how she has treated me. I think I just miss the companionship rather than her specifically. I'm also trying to get out on the internet dating scene but am finding that very difficult! I think I'm a little bit too honest. But again, thank you very much for your support.

My family seem to have run out of compassion

I know the feeling, its not him i miss its having him around. my phone doesnt go off as much but he treated me like dirt. And people like that are not worth holding onto, really.
although you'll still feel like crap for awhile, talk it out
its what im doing, ill never get the answers as to why he did what he did, but im not sure i want to know whats going on in his head, as warped as it is

Taltos

Careful with your knee - especially with soccer...

In terms of your family - just their way of dealing with it. Possibly afraid that if they appear too caring that you may inadvertently wallow in your feelings (if you know;) what I mean without naming anyone).

Big thing now is to get busy and stay busy for a good while. Even on those nights where you have had a crap day at work - force yourself out and go to these things - and force yourself to say hi to folk.
Try not to focus so much on getting dates - so much as just chatting to people...

You are spot on though - as badly as she treated you - it is really just the companionship you are missing - so get out there and have some fun - even if you have to force yourself