Left out of holidays plans... Feel like I'm drifting from my mates

LegacyUser

Basically a few of my mates are organising a trip to Munich. Well, the fact is they used to be my mates... Some of them I haven't talked to for two months. This has crept up on me out of nowhere, I've basically lost contact with my old social circle completely unconsciously. Feel a little low about it now as I'm beginning to dwell on it a bit. I mean, I kind of drifted away from them. It used to be them ringing me to go out and I'd come out with some lame excuse (IE, college or work or something else) and I wouldn't go. I'm anti social by nature but have always had good friends. I like conversation and spending time with people but rarely make an effort to make new friends. Now I feel like I'm losing my oldest friends.

I'm not looking for advice, I think this drift is inevitable. I probably started it. What annoys me most is that I wasn't even asked. I heard from another chap I meet most weeks.

Anyone else in this position before? My old social circle is dwindling (In my mid 20s) and I'm not adding anyone new into it!

Firetrap

Take this trip you've heard about as a wake up call rather than a snub. Friendships are the sort of thing that can fade away if you don't make an effort to stay in touch with your friends at some level. No matter how good your friends are, if you keep crying off with some excuse or other every time they ring you to come out, they will tire of it and move on.

I'm sure though that all is not lost with them. The ball is in your court. Pick up the phone and ring them. Arrange to meet them next time they're going out.

As for new friends, perhaps you might be able to meet more people through your existing friends if you do more stuff with them? Or do things off your own bat like more sports, taking up new hobbies etc.

Distorted

Totally agree with the above. I went on holiday with a group of friends last year and to be honest, one of them won't be invited by any of us again this year as he was totally anti-social when there, didn't do much with us and seemed to just use us as company for the flights. He comes along to nights out we organise only in a blue moon and although he usually replies by text, the answer is generally to say he can't come for whatever excuse. So now we hardly ever invite him any more. Whats the point? He also never initiates contact and who can be bothered running around after someone being their friend when they don't get the same courtesy back?

If you know what the problem is, why on earth don't you do something about it, before you become a lonely old man?

LegacyUser

feelingblue wrote: »

I kind of drifted away from them. It used to be them ringing me to go out and I'd come out with some lame excuse (IE, college or work or something else) and I wouldn't go.

feelingblue wrote: »

What annoys me most is that I wasn't even asked. I heard from another chap I meet most weeks

Why are you annoyed/suprised you wern't asked?

You never bothered with them when they tried to include you before, so you can't be annoyed at them for eventually giving up trying to include you.

These are the consequences of your own actions. You say you don't want advice but it just doesn't make sense being annoyed at not being included on the holiday due to yourself constantly snubbing these friends in the past.

LegacyUser

I agree with the above post, you cant get annoyed for your friends for not including you when you dont bother to hang around with them in normal circumstances or avoid their offers to hang out. You need to make an effort to have friends its like anything else you only get as much out based on how much you put in whether that be friends, a career or a sport and this applies for a lot.

I cant fully say what is going on as I would have to know you and your friends but Id say from reading your post your lucky that their still you friend and are patient, but you got to change your attitude now in order to maintain these people as your friends and put in some effort.