girlfriend on dating website

LegacyUser

going out with a girl for about 8 months, living together, shes on about four or five dating websites, how i know this is that she uses my laptop and i was searching through the history to find a website i was on but couldnt find, i saw the dating sites
one of the profiles has a picture of her topless from before we were together and another has a photo of the 2 of us together but with me edited out, its driving me absolutely mad at the moment and dont know what to do because she goes on these sites all the time and has even made friends with two guys over the last few days

Sibylla

She isn't worth your time or worry, If she feels the need to boost her ego by posing topless on dating sites it sounds as if she has a serious problem, You can do better.

Wagon

Eh, dump her. She's clearly cheating on you.

Swampy

Do you really need to ask this question?? Get rid of her. Asap.

Wompa1

As someone who is currently trying to use dating sites I would say from my experience messaging girls on them...a lot of girls are just on them for the attention and nothing more. I would still be very wary of her though..if she needs to seek this attention elsewhere it's pretty messed up.

Colonel_McCoy

Changes the locks, put her clothes in a black bag and toss it into the river! She is a sl$%%er

nix84

Eh, get rid of that one fairly rapid! I, and two of my mates, are in long term relationships with people we met on dating websites and I can ASSURE you, there's only two reasons for being on them, genuinely finding a partner and sex. Don't let her play you for a fool, get her outta there

Firetrap

Get rid of her now. She's cheating on you. That she's put up photos with you edited out of them blows out of the water any claims that they're old photos and she forgot to take down the profile.

LegacyUser

thanks for the replies guys, i kinda had my mind made up already but just wanted opinions, im going to break up with her, she even changed her profile today to say "looking for a husband"

Count Duckula

Er, I don't want to be a spoilsport, but it's hardly definite that she's cheating on the OP. She's on a dating site. If dating sites meant that you'd definitely, 100% be getting sex... well, I think they'd be a little more popular.

It's always possible she used to be on the sites, loved the attention she got, and now she's with the OP she doesn't want to give up that attention. It's her dirty little secret, and it's probably quite the ego boost to have other people telling you how much they like you and want you from the safety of your own computer.

Doesn't mean she doesn't have other issues which need to be addressed, but to say that she's "definitely cheating" on him is a bit too much.

ThisNoize

Normally, if you're in a relationship. It's not easy to hear people; telling you to break up with her, or generally hearing negative things about you's as a couple.

But I urge you! She is not the one, and time will heal your pain.
You don't deserve that, and even if you forgive her. Can you trust her?

She might pull the "that was years ago" / "before I was with you"
Mate, she edited her boyriend out of a picture on a dating site, while with him!

Dump her now.

Firetrap

Count Duckula wrote: »

Er, I don't want to be a spoilsport, but it's hardly definite that she's cheating on the OP. She's on a dating site. If dating sites meant that you'd definitely, 100% be getting sex... well, I think they'd be a little more popular.

It's always possible she used to be on the sites, loved the attention she got, and now she's with the OP she doesn't want to give up that attention. It's her dirty little secret, and it's probably quite the ego boost to have other people telling you how much they like you and want you from the safety of your own computer.

Doesn't mean she doesn't have other issues which need to be addressed, but to say that she's "definitely cheating" on him is a bit too much.

Even if the OP's girlfriend hasn't physically cheated on him, she might as well have done. It implies that she's not 100% committed to what is still a very new relationship and is prepared to stick up topless photos of herself on a public site and, at the very least, lead guys on.

whatsamsn

^^^^ Agree.

All i can say is kick her out. Why on earth would you continue to let her live with you now? ... even if she gives you the "But I have no where else to go, need a bit of time to find a place" - dont buy it. You'd be a sucker.

Sad fact is you have been used for the last 8 months while she has tried to or has got with other guys. Common sense is screaming she has. Sorry for being blunt. So dont get used anymore. pack her bags and tell her to get out. if you dont ... again. you'll be a total fool.

liah

I think it's funny that any time a girl finds her guy with an active dating profile everyone comes out of the woodwork to convince her he's innocent ("oh he's just curious," "oh he's just keeping up with friends he may have made on there," "oh his mate put his profile up as a joke," "oh he probably just wants an ego boost," and the kicker "sure why are you so insecure?"). And yet now that the roles are reversed, everyone's coming out of the woodwork to condemn her and tell the op to get rid of her. Wtf?

Dude, just ask her about them. None of us can honestly tell you what she's at. There could be a wide variety of reasons for it; there's a serious doublestandard in this thread right now.

liah

liah wrote: »

I think it's funny that any time a girl finds her guy with an active dating profile everyone comes out of the woodwork to convince her he's innocent ("oh he's just curious," "oh he's just keeping up with friends he may have made on there," "oh his mate put his profile up as a joke," and the kicker "sure why are you so insecure?"). And yet now that the roles are reversed, everyone's coming out of the woodwork to condemn her.
.

The fact she's in it topless, changed her status recently, and put up a pic of the couple together with him blanked out, does it for me

liah

bluewolf wrote: »

The fact she's in it topless, changed her status recently, and put up a pic of the couple together with him blanked out, does it for me

I get the impression that the topless picture isn't a new one. I can imagine her just leaving it up there and not bothering with it. I'd be far more concerned if there was recent stuff.

Also, she could have blanked out his photo because she didn't know whether or not he would want to have his picture posted online.

He needs to ask her flat-out about it, only she can tell him what the story is.

liah

liah wrote: »

I get the impression that the topless picture isn't a new one. I can imagine her just leaving it up there and not bothering with it. I'd be far more concerned if there was recent stuff.

Also, she could have blanked out his photo because she didn't know whether or not he would want to have his picture posted online.

He needs to ask her flat-out about it, only she can tell him what the story is.

That's all true, but in the grand scheme of things, "my boyfriend of 3 months has a dating profile, i dont know when it was updated or if it's active" is on the "don't know but chances are nothing's wrong" side to me, and "my girlfriend of 8 months has a dating profile being updated recently with new pictures and 'looking for husband' status" is on the "don't know but chances are something is definitely wrong" side

whatsamsn

liah wrote: »

I think it's funny that any time a girl finds her guy with an active dating profile everyone comes out of the woodwork to convince her he's innocent ("oh he's just curious," "oh he's just keeping up with friends he may have made on there," ..... And yet now that the roles are reversed, everyone's coming out of the woodwork to condemn her and tell the op to get rid of her. Wtf?

Liah,
This is not a gender issue. Only fools will say "maybe they are doing it because... etc etc etc" ... In this case this is about a women doing this. Advice would be the exact same if it was a guy doing it.

liah wrote: »

I get the impression that the topless picture isn't a new one. I can imagine her just leaving it up there and not bothering with it. I'd be far more concerned if there was recent stuff. Also, she could have blanked out his photo because she didn't know whether or not he would want to have his picture posted online. He needs to ask her flat-out about it, only she can tell him what the story is.

Liah I think you're accidently now becoming like the people you hate that you mentioned in your previous post.

liah

bluewolf wrote: »

That's all true, but in the grand scheme of things, "my boyfriend of 3 months has a dating profile, i dont know when it was updated or if it's active" is on the "don't know but chances are nothing's wrong" side to me, and "my girlfriend of 8 months has a dating profile being updated recently with new pictures and 'looking for husband' status" is on the "don't know but chances are something is definitely wrong" side

I'm not trying to say it doesn't look bad, but I don't advocate making assumptions and acting on them before giving the other person a fair trial, so to speak.

It could be as simple as she likes the attention she gets from guys but never even considered actually acting on any of these things, and if he has a problem with it they don't have to lose their relationship, they can work out a compromise.

Immediately coming out with "she's cheating, kick her out!" is incredibly rash if he hasn't even just asked her about it.

liah

whatsamsn wrote: »

Liah,
This is not a gender issue. Only fools will say "maybe they are doing it because... etc etc etc" ... In this case this is about a women doing this. Advice would be the exact same if it was a guy doing it.

I've seen cases with nearly the exact same circumstances that haven't had this immediate rash response.

Liah I think you're accidently now becoming like the people you hate that you mentioned in your previous post.

No, I don't believe I am-- I'm offering up alternate points of view because thus far the thread has been incredibly biased and not in favour of communication. I'm not declaring her innocent or guilty, I'm saying I don't know, unlike everyone else who is claiming they know she's cheating.

whatsamsn

liah wrote: »

I've seen cases with nearly the exact same circumstances that haven't had this immediate rash response.

You can get some really bad advice/views on this board. To ignore such harsh evidence of a cheating partner. Common sense always wins. I know what you are saying, like a girl could post that she walked in on her boyfriend half naked as so was the girl he was with and you would get fools getting back oh "it doesnt mean they were doing anything" :rolleyes: come on like!

liah wrote: »

No, I don't believe I am-- I'm offering up alternate points of view because thus far the thread has been incredibly biased and not in favour of communication. I'm not declaring her innocent or guilty, I'm saying I don't know, unlike everyone else who is claiming they know she's cheating.

Liah, you sound like you're just going against everyone else because as you stated people are usually quick to say such and such whens the roles are reversed. Common sense is screaming out here.

liah

whatsamsn wrote: »

Liah, you sound like you're just going against everyone else because as you stated people are usually quick to say such and such whens the roles are reversed. Common sense is screaming out here.

I'm genuinely not. I just believe everyone should have a fair shake, and think that the double standard needs to be left at the door. The obvious answer to the resolution (whether that be splitting or staying together) of this problem is communication, the most vital component of any healthy relationship.

I'm 'going against everyone else' because most of them aren't considering any other possibility than 'she's cheating' and I don't believe that to be fair, as I've given a variety of different possibilities in addition to (as in, not ruling out) the cheating possibility which means that, since there is more than one possible answer for her actions, there is no way to know 100% without speaking to her. Not for the sake of going against everyone else.

miec

@ Liah and Count Duckula

What planet are you both on? First of this girl is in a relationship, ie: that means to relate with the person you are with, not seek ego boosters else where. The Op deserves much better than that. I see someone actively looking elsewhere as a form of cheating, whether that is a pub/nightclub or dating site. Gender does not come into it.

Also I find it wrong to go on a dating site and use people there on the site as fodder to boost a person's ego. People on those sites are hoping to meet a genuine person not be messed around by egomanics like the Op's girlfriend (I hope to be ex). She is stringing along the Op and those people on dating sites looking to meet someone genuine just so she can feel good about herself.

Op I hope you will drop her and find a woman who can relate to you genuinely, there are plenty of us out there.

mood

liah wrote: »

I think it's funny that any time a girl finds her guy with an active dating profile everyone comes out of the woodwork to convince her he's innocent ("oh he's just curious," "oh he's just keeping up with friends he may have made on there," "oh his mate put his profile up as a joke," "oh he probably just wants an ego boost," and the kicker "sure why are you so insecure?"). And yet now that the roles are reversed, everyone's coming out of the woodwork to condemn her and tell the op to get rid of her. Wtf?

Dude, just ask her about them. None of us can honestly tell you what she's at. There could be a wide variety of reasons for it; there's a serious doublestandard in this thread right now.

I agree. I think it's not on at all anyone in a relationship being on a dating site. I wouldn't believe anyone (male or female) who claims it's all innocent. Why go to all that trouble if you're not looking for a new man/woman or no strings sex!!!

lynsalot

Hi OP,

My ex husband registered and paid on dating websites aswell. At first he outright told me he was just rating pictures. I stupidly put mine up too and we competed against each other to see who was hotter. (Very well known american website)

Anyway then I realised he was a registered fully paid member chatting to girls. He even went as far as to tell me what this one girl was saying to him (All manner of things)

This was a very unhealthy relationship and one I'd happy to be out of!

It doesn't mean she's cheating but its the lack of respect she's showing you thats out of order. It might be that she's looking for attention which it probably is but its still completely out of line. Definitely speak to her about it but speaking from experience it's generally not a good thing.

ToniTuddle

She is dating you for the last 8 months.
Yous are living together for however long.

Yet never removed her 4 or 5 different dating websites once yous became serious, telling the entire internet a few days ago that she is looking for a husband and put up a recent photo of yous and edited you out?

I'm sorry but she has absolutely ZERO respect for you.

Anyone actually trying to defend her behaviour is just arguing for arguments sake. Seriously.

Waaaaaaaait a minute...just realised she is living in your flat and using YOUR laptop to update these dating sites and chat to these new guys?

Ah HERE! Out the feicin door she goes! Nobody deserves to be treated like that.

Miss Fluff

If you have agreed to be in an exclusive relationship with this girl I would think that posting a photo of herself with her baps out and declaring to all in sundry that she is in fact is looking for a husband probably isn't the best foundation for a healthy committed relationship. Do you? It's pretty black and white really isn't it?

I wouldn't even bother getting into a dialogue about this if I were you. Dump her today and thank God the relationship didn't progress any further.

booboo88

Wompa1 wrote: »

As someone who is currently trying to use dating sites I would say from my experience messaging girls on them...a lot of girls are just on them for the attention and nothing more. I would still be very wary of her though..if she needs to seek this attention elsewhere it's pretty messed up.

alot of guys are kinda the same on those sites

trust issues wrote: »

thanks for the replies guys, i kinda had my mind made up already but just wanted opinions, im going to break up with her, she even changed her profile today to say "looking for a husband"

which clearly isnt u

Count Duckula wrote: »

Er, I don't want to be a spoilsport, but it's hardly definite that she's cheating on the OP. She's on a dating site. If dating sites meant that you'd definitely, 100% be getting sex... well, I think they'd be a little more popular.

It's always possible she used to be on the sites, loved the attention she got, and now she's with the OP she doesn't want to give up that attention. It's her dirty little secret, and it's probably quite the ego boost to have other people telling you how much they like you and want you from the safety of your own computer.

Doesn't mean she doesn't have other issues which need to be addressed, but to say that she's "definitely cheating" on him is a bit too much.

emotionally cheating is alot worse.

LegacyUser

thanks again for all of the replies
to answer some, the photo of her topless is an old one for sure but it is still up there
i would say that she is on these sites to boost her ego because she is very high maintainance and in love with herself, i dont think she has cheated on me yet because we work together an spend 99% of our time together, the only time were appart is when i leave the flat for a few mins to get a box of fags or whatever, but she clearly has no respect for me by going on these sites
also i cant understand why she put up that she is looking for a husband because its not something she ever expressed interest in whatsoever, in fact at the beginning of our relationship both of us had big commitment issues to get over
anyway ive made up my mind that she just no good for me and is just too much work, even though i love spending time with her and since being with her its the first time ive been really happy in years, she will be difficult to get over

gerryk

You need to ask her what the hell is going on, seriously!

And then post here, cos I can't wait to hear how she justifies this.