Should I ask?

LegacyUser

So recently I've started to see this girl - she is pretty awesome and we've been getting on amazingly well. We were talking for about a month before we met, having started talking first on a dating site, before having our first date last Wednesday week. We got on so well that she ended up spending the night at mine, which was pretty amazing. We've seen each other a few times since then and will be seeing each other this Sunday again. However .. there's one slight issue for me that I find somewhat offputting.

She doesn't really trim.. down there. She shaves down to the pubic region itself, but there she has a good bit of pubic hair. The reason this is somewhat off-putting for me is because I am a major fan of oral sex and love nothing better than doing cunninglingus, but the hair makes this kinda awkward.

Should I ask her to trim? It would just make the whole thing a lot easier and it also looks a lot cleaner. I wouldn't be asking her to do anything I wouldn't do, as I trim my own pubic hair for that exact reason - so it won't make fellatio hard at all. Or is this completely over the boundary?

Neyite

I think its far too soon after a handful of dates to be asking her to change her body hair. Her preference is not to trim or wax. By shaving near the area she is aware of keeping things tidy her way - and she would have to live on the moon not to have come across some reference to pubic hair removal. She may have very valid reasons, some girls get ingrown hairs, or cant take the pain of waxing, or razor rash from stubble regrowth, or she may not.

I dont know if it is even possible to bring up trimming, but the only way she should trim is if you happen to mention it in a non sexual setting and she is happy enough to think of doing it unasked to 'treat' you, but I dont think you should ask her, certainly not this soon.

If she asked to get your hair cut a certain way because she would prefer it to run her fingers through it, would you be happy with it or would you think its too soon for her to change you?

LegacyUser

I'd wait till you know her a little longer. Then as part of play, say that you love licking her and you'd love if her hair were shorter so you can feel her better. You could suggest that you trim it? Girls can feel that it's natural to have a bush, it a sign of being an adult female. They can also feel that they don't know how to trim it without it looking chopped and ridiculous! But it might be sexy if you were to do it to her...

Anyway, she might do it herself once sex starts being regular!

gossipgal08

No it not. Would you be happy to remove hair from an area of your body that she could choose ? Do you think girls like giving BJ to a guy and getting a mouth full of hair. Or stubble rash. Cop on she has hit puberty and there for has body hair. If you dont like it buy a blow up doll

LegacyUser

gossipgal08 wrote: »

No it not. Would you be happy to remove hair from an area of your body that she could choose ? Do you think girls like giving BJ to a guy and getting a mouth full of hair. Or stubble rash. Cop on she has hit puberty and there for has body hair. If you dont like it buy a blow up doll

If it would be a move that would benefit both of us, then yes I would remove hair from an area of my body. If you actually read my post, you would have seen that I wouldn't ask her to do anything I wouldn't be willing to do myself - I trim down there so that she doesn't get a mouthful of hair. The reason I would like her to trim is so that I can give her oral sex a lot better, so to pleasure her.

@Sybill - you might be right. It could be quite a sexy thing to do and I'd be more than happy to do it if it would turn her on.

@Neyite - you're probably right too. I guess this is the first time that I can remember where I've been with a girl who doesn't keep it neat down there. I know we have our own preferences, but I just know it would make oral sex so much easier.

Darlughda

Should I ask? (pubic hair) wrote: »

She She shaves down to the pubic region itself, but there she has a good bit of pubic hair. ....

What!! Do you want her to remove the hair from the inside of the labia and other fleshy areas that are just not meant for razors, waxing etc???

lucky shelly 25

Its not a big deal if ur stressing about such a small issue what are u going to do when u get a serious relationship issue to deal with.

LegacyUser

Darlughda wrote: »

What!! Do you want her to remove the hair from the inside of the labia and other fleshy areas that are just not meant for razors, waxing etc???

By that logic, we're not "meant" to have oral sex either. Also, the OP has never mentioned razors or waxing, he just would prefer it trimmed a bit.

I think it's too early to be making such a request, but ffs, it's not some massive infringement on her liberty that the op requests she trims her pubic region a bit.

IMO if you want to engage in regular oral sex, it's a common courtesy, for both men and women, to have your pubic hair trimmed down.

gossipgal08

How many men do you know who trim out of common courtesy

LegacyUser

gossipgal08 wrote: »

How many men do you know who trim out of common courtesy

Sometimes I wonder whether or not people read the threads before giving their opinions- I have stated numerous times that I trim down there as a common courtesy and, judging by a thread in the Gentlemen's Club, a lot of other guys do too.

@igivegoodadvice - thank you. That's exactly it; I mentioned nothing of razors or waxing, but I would like her to trim just to make it easier for me to give her oral sex. Hell, I'll be more than happy to do the trimming for her, if it would be an activity that would turn her on too.

Acoshla

OP do you know if she likes to receive oral sex? Maybe she doesn't so having a fair bit of pubic hair doesn't bother her? Just a possibility, if she does trim it to a certain point for appearances but not all the way.

LegacyUser

Spadina wrote: »

OP do you know if she likes to receive oral sex? Maybe she doesn't so having a fair bit of pubic hair doesn't bother her? Just a possibility, if she does trim it to a certain point for appearances but not all the way.

You've got a point there, Spandina. I think it could be a case that she's not used to oral sex. Recently, before I did go down on her, I told her that I loved doing it a lot and she was somewhat surprised by this. She then seemed to enjoy it greatly. Her ex-boyfriend wasn't very giving apparently, so might be that he never did it.

flowerchild

Maybe she defines being 'womanly' differently than you do. Maybe she likes being with a man who likes a woman's body just as it was intended to be.

But if you so choose, perhaps you should check out this link http://digg.com/story/r/Funny_Pubic_Hair_Styles and give her some specific guidance about your requirements. Who knows, she might surprise you, or she might just check out altogether.

Either way it could be a win, for both of you.

muinteoir09

I'm confused. You say she shaves down to the pubic region - does that mean she has no bush and the issue is hair on her labia? Or that she has what might be called a 'traditional' bush (triangle of hair above the clitoral hood)?

flowerchild

The whole premise is almost aggressively sexist, and offensively so.

Women have bodies that have hair on them as part of their gender. If they choose to take the hair off, then good luck to them. If they choose to take the hair off and create shapes like landing strips or hearts or weird concentric circles then again, I would say 'you go, girl'.

But if a man, any man, tried to tell me how much hair is an 'acceptable' amount of hair, how to cut it, how to shape it, and the 'sexual offerings' he would attach, such as access to oral sex, then I would say to him 'get away from me, you sexist pig, you are an immature child hiding in the body of an adult male'.

The core of the issue is about choice. A woman's choice to have her body exactly as she wants it. Anything else is just male domination, prettied up.

ElleEm

It's far too soon for you to be commenting on her grooming technique.
Like another poster said, she obviously doesn't ignore the area, considering she shaves/ waxes already, and she must feel comfortable with the amount of hair she has there.

I think that if you're together for a while, the subject may come up and you can broach it then, but it may seem controlling for you to bring it up now.

I wouldn't say anything if I was you OP. My boyfriend and I are quite honest with each other about stuff like that, and I've asked him a few times how he'd like me to have it, but if he just came out by himself telling me he didn't like how I had it I wouldn't like it. I'd feel embarrassed for one, and angry for another. I'd think he was being rude.

As for you maintaining your man bush, to be honest you're making a bit too much of a big deal about it. It's not relevant. You can't say that just because you do something for her (which she hasn't asked you to) she should do it for you. That's like coming home with your girlfriend's name tatooed across your face and thinking she'll go out and do the same. Her pubic grooming is irrespective of yours.

I'd say your best bet is to ask her how she'd like yours, in the hope that she'll think to ask you the same. Open that line of communication and hope she bites. But other than her asking you, or bringing it up herself, I really don't think you should say anything. If it's all about the oral sex, you don't have to perform it on her if her ladyhair puts you off.

petebricquette

flowerchild wrote: »

The whole premise is almost aggressively sexist, and offensively so.

Women have bodies that have hair on them as part of their gender. If they choose to take the hair off, then good luck to them. If they choose to take the hair off and create shapes like landing strips or hearts or weird concentric circles then again, I would say 'you go, girl'.

But if a man, any man, tried to tell me how much hair is an 'acceptable' amount of hair, how to cut it, how to shape it, and the 'sexual offerings' he would attach, such as access to oral sex, then I would say to him 'get away from me, you sexist pig, you are an immature child hiding in the body of an adult male'.

The core of the issue is about choice. A woman's choice to have her body exactly as she wants it. Anything else is just male domination, prettied up.

At what point did the Op say that he'd actively tell her how much hair is or isn't acceptable? You've a couple of phrases in quotation marks there but where exactly are you quoting from? You're twisting his words there for your own agenda. The Op's point about oral sex is very valid. Men don't particularly enjoy going down on a woman who's very hirsute as it means you get a mouth full of stray hairs and it also isn't as pleasurable for the woman. Much the same way that women dislike going down on guys who are particularly hairy for much the same reasons.

Op, I'd say leave it for a while. She could surprise you! Or wait until the two of you are very comfortable with one another and bring it up kind of casually. After enough time with a person, a lot of those kinds of things become non-issues and lead to a mutual respect and understanding, lame as it sounds.

magneticimpulse

NO not at all as thats just so rude! NEWS FLASH: Pubic hair is normal...no hair is pre-puberty. She is a woman you know!!

Count Duckula

If it bothers you that much then don't give her any oral sex, but then don't expect any in return. She has every right to have as much hair as she likes, but you've every right to not want it in your mouth, too.

Count Duckula

flowerchild wrote: »

The whole premise is almost aggressively sexist, and offensively so.

Women have bodies that have hair on them as part of their gender. If they choose to take the hair off, then good luck to them. If they choose to take the hair off and create shapes like landing strips or hearts or weird concentric circles then again, I would say 'you go, girl'.

But if a man, any man, tried to tell me how much hair is an 'acceptable' amount of hair, how to cut it, how to shape it, and the 'sexual offerings' he would attach, such as access to oral sex, then I would say to him 'get away from me, you sexist pig, you are an immature child hiding in the body of an adult male'.

The core of the issue is about choice. A woman's choice to have her body exactly as she wants it. Anything else is just male domination, prettied up.

My ex used to ask me to trim down there because she didn't like that my little man looked like a fleshy tower in a thick primordial forest. I never felt like she was dominating me.

SarahG91

flowerchild wrote: »

Women have bodies that have hair on them as part of their gender.

Yes but we also remove hair as part of our culture. I go to the hairdresser to have my hair trimmed, pluck my eyebrows, shave under my arms. None of these things is 'natural'. But if I didn't do them, people would certainly notice and make comments.

Fact is, it's not the 1970's anymore. Most girls today are shaved, waxed, or at least well trimmed down there, and it does make a big difference for oral sex (receiving as well as giving). I don't see why he should not express an opinion on it.

gerryk

Wow... I find it amazing how many people bring their personal politics into stuff like this. She is obviously already comfortable with the idea of trimming her pubic hair. All the OP is suggesting is altering the degree to which it is trimmed. Based on what you have said, OP, I'm sure she'd be fine with it, assuming you frame your suggestion appropriately.
Trimming pubic hair is not an imposition on women by a shady mysogenistic conspiracy either. Men trim, wax and shave also, some at the suggestion of their partners (such as myself) and some of their own volition. Personally, I did not find this an affront to my masculinity, but was far more taken by the prospect that my partner would find oral more enjoyable, and hence so would I.

dearg lady

SarahG91 wrote: »

Yes but we also remove hair as part of our culture. I go to the hairdresser to have my hair trimmed, pluck my eyebrows, shave under my arms. None of these things is 'natural'. But if I didn't do them, people would certainly notice and make comments.

Fact is, it's not the 1970's anymore. Most girls today are shaved, waxed, or at least well trimmed down there, and it does make a big difference for oral sex (receiving as well as giving). I don't see why he should not express an opinion on it.

Yes, but it's a personal choice! MOST women do it, but not all, and that's up to them. I'd be pretty annoyed if some bloke I'd just started seeing asked to to trim my hair differently, any of my hair!

SarahG91

dearg lady wrote: »

Yes, but it's a personal choice! MOST women do it, but not all, and that's up to them.

Oh, I agree, its her personal choice.... if she doesn't want to do it, she shouldn't have to. But people are acting like he has no right to even express his opinion! Surely if she's comfortable enough to let him perform intimate sexual acts on her, she should be comfortable with him having an opinion on what she could do to make the act more enjoyable?

Honestly, this is something that could be changed after 5 minutes in the shower with a razor. Its surely not worth getting on a feminist high horse about?

dearg lady

SarahG91 wrote: »

Oh, I agree, its her personal choice.... if she doesn't want to do it, she shouldn't have to. But people are acting like he has no right to even express his opinion! Surely if she's comfortable enough to let him perform intimate sexual acts on her, she should be comfortable with him having an opinion on what she could do to make the act more enjoyable?

Honestly, this is something that could be changed after 5 minutes in the shower with a razor. Its surely not worth getting on a feminist high horse about?

hmm, yeah, I see what you mean, but I dunno, I wouldn't be too happy myself. First of all what he's askin her can't be done with a razor, well I wouldn't be gettin quite so close and personal with my bits and a blade anyway!!
Secondly, she's already made her choice, she trims to a point, but not further. What if he doesn't like her hair style, should she change that too?
Maybe if they were going out a while it would be more understandable

Bottle_of_Smoke

flowerchild wrote: »

The whole premise is almost aggressively sexist, and offensively so.

Women have bodies that have hair on them as part of their gender. If they choose to take the hair off, then good luck to them. If they choose to take the hair off and create shapes like landing strips or hearts or weird concentric circles then again, I would say 'you go, girl'.

But if a man, any man, tried to tell me how much hair is an 'acceptable' amount of hair, how to cut it, how to shape it, and the 'sexual offerings' he would attach, such as access to oral sex, then I would say to him 'get away from me, you sexist pig, you are an immature child hiding in the body of an adult male'.

The core of the issue is about choice. A woman's choice to have her body exactly as she wants it. Anything else is just male domination, prettied up.

Are you looking to be offended? He came here asking what people think of him asking her if she would trim. Its not like he's a pimp demanding she wax herself for her punters.

OP I'd wait til you know each other a bit better and are more open about sex, you could then just tell her its nicer to give with less hair.

LegacyUser

gossipgal08 wrote: »

How many men do you know who trim out of common courtesy

I know I do. And the OP has said he does. I would imagine lots of men do.

I don't understand the hostility towards this issue. I think people have this idea in their heads that this asking a woman to trim their pubic hair is inherently wrong and due to brainwashing by porn, when in reality it's a simple request to make giving oral sex easier.

sbsquarepants

Ha, this thread is hillarious! Calm down people ffs.
OP, like every other aspect of your relationship with this girl, here is what to do - tell her what you'd like, she will either do it or she won't, accept her choice and carry on.
It's as simple as that. There is no male domination politics or other feminist bullshít involved. Just two people with likes and dislikes. Real life in other words.

dearg lady

igivegoodadvice wrote: »

I know I do. And the OP has said he does. I would imagine lots of men do.

I don't understand the hostility towards this issue. I think people have this idea in their heads that this asking a woman to trim their pubic hair is inherently wrong and due to brainwashing by porn, when in reality it's a simple request to make giving oral sex easier.

I think the issue is that she already trims, in fact 'shaves down to the pubic region' according to the OP, so he's looking for her to cut more hair off...Tho it's hard to tell...

flowerchild

I've had a chance to read the other posts and really think this through. On consideration, I think this issue represents a real opportunity for you to be able to 'grade' potential partners:

• Gold Star - she doesn't need any hints, she just knows that things need to be kept trim and neat.
• Silver Star - takes a hint and runs with it straight away. Makes it easy for you to raise the issue and doesn't refer to it again.
• Bronze Star - takes the hint and acts but seems a bit sulky/embarrassed.

Then, a long way back:

• Booby Prize - responds badly to your helpful hints and doesn't change anyway.
• Booby Prize with Purple Star - responds badly, doesn't change and HAS THE HIDE TO LINK IT WITH IRRELEVANT FEMINIST PROPAGANDA.

This can be a watershed. A quick assessment of whether there is a potential match for you.

Clearly with the Booby Prize and Booby Prize with Purple Star the only right manly thing to do is to talk it over with your mates as well and warn them off. The bitch deserves it.

Zaph

flowerchild infracted. I suggest you have a good read of the charter, particularly the part dealing with off-topic and unhelpful posts, before you post here again.

Distorted

dearg lady wrote: »

Yes, but it's a personal choice! MOST women do it, but not all, and that's up to them. I'd be pretty annoyed if some bloke I'd just started seeing asked to to trim my hair differently, any of my hair!

I'd be worried he'd learned his sexual technique from watching too many porn films myself!

Its not something you can really comment on unless the OP tells us if she already trims. Does he want her to get a Brazilian or what? If its not a hygiene problem, then theres not too much to complain about. Maybe she isn't into oral sex enough to want to trim down there - hair is there for a reason and thats protection. How would the OP feel if she objected to any of his body hair?

Agreed this is something that could be brought up tactfully in a slightly longer relationship, but to do so too soon gets too much into the realms of viewing someone purely as a sexual peformer/pleasurer than a real person.

LegacyUser

Personally i don't think asking someone you're in a relationship with to tidy up down there is not a problem, if you can't be mature enough to discuss that kind of thing openly and compromise on sexual preferences then that speaks volumes about the relationship imho.

However OP you aren't in a relationship, you've only been on a few dates with this girl, so i have to agree at this early stage it may be a little out of order to ask her to change her grooming habits. I think it also depends on the woman though, personally i wouldn't be offended and have actually discussed this kind of stuff after a few dates but i realise that i'm probably the exception and most women would take offence. Maybe bring up a general discussion about pubic grooming, ie make it about your pubic hair, ask her what she prefers on men, and see how she reacts to the subject, she may even ask you how you prefer it on women.

Motley Crue

muinteoir09 wrote: »

does that mean she has no bush and the issue is hair on her labia? Or that she has what might be called a 'traditional' bush (triangle of hair above the clitoral hood)?

Is that really any of your business anyway? I mean can we not help the OP with his problem without resorting to talking about intimate parts of this young womans body in explicit detail

muinteoir09

Motley Crue wrote: »

Is that really any of your business anyway? I mean can we not help the OP with his problem without resorting to talking about intimate parts of this young womans body in explicit detail

Of course it is not my business and I couldn't care less about what her pubic situation is. But, in the context of the question posed by the OP, yes it is important. The young woman in question is, for all intents and purposes, anonymous. It is difficult to ascertain what exactly the OP wants as he states his GF does 'maintain' her "intimate" area but he wants less. If it was a case that the GF has very little hair pubic hair and the OP is looking for something along the lines of a Hollywood, then that would be out of order IMO, especially at this early stage. But no-one knows what he is dealing with.

LegacyUser

I haven't asked but have noticed that she has already trimmed it a bit shorter, which has made oral sex a lot easier.

It's interesting though that women seemed to have taken on such a defensive stance with regards to this - it was never about how it looks, or how it feels, as I don't mind either. It was solely so that it would have made oral sex that bit more easier, that is all.

Since the issue has been resolved, I wonder what are the chances of this being closed by a mod, please.