How not to fancy a close friend

LegacyUser

Here’s me story. im a shy 19 yo lad whos lives in college with a couple of close friends

For the past 6 months i fancied the ass of my best girl-friend and the feeling was far from mutual.

i hang around her almost all the time, i live with her in college, we went to school together, i go out of my way to do things for her, cooking etc, i was whipped actually. i was more or less her surrogate boyfriend all the time. Everyone thinks were going out.

Now she’s not the nicest girl in the world, she can be extremely sweet when she want to be and really blunt and nasty too. we were close friends so she critised me a lot about a lot of things that another person would never take, but since i liked her so much i only saw her good points. basically my confidence was shot to pieces, i didn’t have many other really good friends, i was a very shy person all my life

i have been absolutely tearing my hair out for the past 6 months. I became totally obsessed with her, i thought of her all the time, i hated when my phone rings and its not her, every time she goes out with her girlfriends i was nervous and anxious that she might kiss someone who wasn’t me, i was depressed for ages because of her, i spent nights with her when we go out and more or less ditched my own friends, i got insanely jealous when she spoke about other boys she liked, i organised my days and nights so i would be with her. and i had absolutely no interest of getting with any other girl. it was like having a girlfriend who didn’t fancy you and constantly spoke about and shifted other lads

it changed last week, when i met this girl who had the hots for me. I wasn’t really interested in her or anyone else for that matter, but everyone was pushing me so i had to get with her. and it turned out to be the best thing that ever happened! she was lovely looking, she was really nice, and she liked me to! so i had a fantastic two days with her that i never really felt before, because i am far from the most romantic lad.

now that girl was only around for those 2 days so when she left i was back with the friends again and i felt totally different, my confidence was way higher than ever before, i spent the weekend happier than i ever did, i hung around with all my old friends again and was top of the world.

now that was a week ago and the exhilaration is beginning to wear off...

so the problem is i don’t want to fall back into the hole i just got myself out of. i feel that after so long i will once again fall for my friend and go back into the depression that i felt for the last age.

unfortunalty i live with this friend in college so i more or less see her all the time, shes not the hottest person ever either

Brown Eyed Girl 2011

Hi OP,

This relationship with your best mate sounds really unhealthy, to be honest.

You dance attendance on her, cooking for her, ignoring your mates and what does she do for you? She criticises you, she shatters your confidence and talks openly and at length about fancying and kissing other lads (I presume she knows you fancy her).

I think you know what you need to do here OP- spend time with other people and get other outlets in your life. You say you have no interest in meeting other girl? But why cut off other opportunities for someone who doesn't fancy you, and I'm sorry to say, someone who has little respect for you. (going by your post)

Maybe its not possible to move out, but if you can, do- If not, distance yourself. If shes under your nose all day, you will only be convinced she is not "nasty and blunt" and "not the nicest girl in the world", you will convince yourself that there is this sweet and lovely girl within that only you get to see.

Imagine her bringing a guy home? Thats gonna be hell for you, OP.

So, you need to move out... or if not, move on from this girl. Easier said than done, but hanging around dancing attendance on her and believing you are a surrogate boyfriend will not help.

Incidentally, the way you described things with the 2 day girl, how she made you feel on top of the world and happy- Thats how it should be. Will you have the chance to see her again?

Vicxas

Mate you need to distance yourself from this girl pronto, She sounds like real bad news and only seems to use you when her confidence is low.

Is there a shot with this other girl that has the hots for you?

LegacyUser

Brown Eyed Girl 2011 wrote: »

Hi OP,

This relationship with your best mate sounds really unhealthy, to be honest.

You dance attendance on her, cooking for her, ignoring your mates and what does she do for you? She criticises you, she shatters your confidence and talks openly and at length about fancying and kissing other lads (I presume she knows you fancy her).

I think you know what you need to do here OP- spend time with other people and get other outlets in your life. You say you have no interest in meeting other girl? But why cut off other opportunities for someone who doesn't fancy you, and I'm sorry to say, someone who has little respect for you. (going by your post)

Maybe its not possible to move out, but if you can, do- If not, distance yourself. If shes under your nose all day, you will only be convinced she is not "nasty and blunt" and "not the nicest girl in the world", you will convince yourself that there is this sweet and lovely girl within that only you get to see.

Imagine her bringing a guy home? Thats gonna be hell for you, OP.

So, you need to move out... or if not, move on from this girl. Easier said than done, but hanging around dancing attendance on her and believing you are a surrogate boyfriend will not help.

Incidentally, the way you described things with the 2 day girl, how she made you feel on top of the world and happy- Thats how it should be. Will you have the chance to see her again?

nah i wont see that other girl again she was only around for those 2 days unfortunatly. im gona try follow a bit of what your saying anyway but its way easier said than done now ta be honest...

she is a very outgoing person and has lots of friends where i am i really the opposite... quiet, dont mingle much, couple of close friends...

she always tx's me first, shes the one who orgainises meeting up, she's always asking me favours where i would bother asking her (i prefer to do things myself) she always chats first on facebook, but im always the one who makes her laugh. but its more or less the same with all of my close friends

the difference is she was the first good girl-friend that ive had so to just totally walk away from her will be fairly difficult..

Marquis de carabas

Hi Op

Take it from one who knows and has walked this road before. What has been said is true. You need to distance yourself from this girl as soon as you can.

You know yourself that she's not good for you but I get it that now and then you might think she has her moments where you can see how wonderfull she could be. She does or says little things that make you feel good.

It may be a nice feeling for everyone to think your going out but all its doing is holding you back. I can understand how you might find this an easier path but believe me its much more rewarding to be putting yourself out there and taking risks with people even if its only with the goal of making new friends.

To be honest its not about her its about you. As another poster has said when you like someone it should feel good and wonderfull. Thats what you should focus on.

Any relationship which causes you nothing but pain isn't worth it. And not only is anybody who constantly puts you down a poor choice for a relationship but their a fairly poor friend as well. Thats why you need to cut this girl from your life.