why so awkard?! please help

LegacyUser

hey guys,
i hope ye take the time to read this, as its something that gets me down alot for about the past year, i always have this over whelming feeling of awkwardness when ever im talking freinds. i find it hard to actualy be myself around them, and to be honest i dont even know who myself is.Having a conversation is quite a struggle for me, im always thinking of what to say, and then never know what to say. i see eveyone talking away to people no bother, and i envy them. I wasnt always like this. But latley i get some of my words jumbled up, im never really quick to answer back, and i lack confidence when it come to speaking. Sometimes even with family members. Also i find it hard to talk on the phone. its so annoying, and i feel like it effects my relaisionships with others. And allthough people would not describe me as this way, i cant shake the feeling

is there a reason for this, or anyway i can improve? any comment or help i recieve id be extremley gratefull xxx

thefeatheredcat

I can relate... so what I say first is relax!!

It could be for any reason that you struggle to communicate, from myself personally having been in a similar situation is was because whatever I said was dismissed, or was not validated or criticised and also it was the wrong people or I felt inadequate or couldn't relate to their conversations. It didn't help that i didn't know who I was either....now that may not be the same for you.

So get to know yourself, trust what you are saying is equal and valid to what others have to say and start believing in yourself and what you have to say. Then start being your confident self.

And don't worry if the words don't come out, or don't come out right, it happens to everyone and don't worry about it, just don't analyse it.

borabora

Hey. I think everyone feels like that at one time or another. Just know that no one is thinking like you do about your responses. The more you over think it the weirder you will sound! (or think you sound)

You are a valuable and loved person, you're there for a reason. Just chill and be comfortable in what you're bringing to the table, it's lots. I'm sure if any of your friends knew you were feeling like this they'd be shocked. Good luck man. I used to feel like you do, due to gange paranoia I have to say, but now I look back and wonder how I ever could have been so paranoid. They're your friends an want you to be happy in their company.

Onwards and upwards!

Eve_Dublin

I can empathise OP. Same thing has happened to me in the past year or two...I lack confidence when talking to old friends and some family members when I stand up in front of classes everyday here in Spain and teach and have no problems conversing with people here. It's only talking to people I know very well. I used to have a stammer as a child, usually when I was anxious and it makes an ugly appearance sometimes when I'm talking about myself and this wasn't how it was before.

I've been trying to get to the root of why I feel like that and I think it comes down to the fact that I'm afraid of what old friends think about the situation I'm in right now. I'm happy with what I'm doing but one of them made a comment last year along the lines of, "But you won't be doing this teaching thing long term, will you?". It was more of a statement than a question. I know she only meant it because she a very good friend who thinks I'm capable of more than I think I am but it hurt all the same. This is something I'm good at and I don't dread going to work everyday and I was even hoping to do a Masters in it when I get the money together and doing it properly. She highly ambitous and I suppose she was projecting her own ambition on me. Perhaps it's hard for her to understand that not all of us are.

Another problem is the fact that I'm almost 31 and one of the few singles out of my group of old friends and I'm paranoid that they're feeling sorry for me when I'm fine. Basically it comes down to me feeling happy with myself here in Spain but in Ireland I feel I have to justify what I'm doing when I know I don't and it's mostly in my head. My old friends are in different stages in their lives- I suppose part of me feels that they're where they SHOULD be at my age but don't really have any desire to be just yet. I still want to have a good time and party. I don't feel I've as much in common with them anymore, at least right now and I suppose that makes me nervous because they're really fantastic and I still want us to get along like we used to.

Anyway, this is my situation and I have to deal with it. Try to get to the root of why YOU'RE feeling this way, OP. I'm sure the answer will come down to confidence and lack of trust in yourself. You have to keep reminding yourself that you're JUST as worthy as anyone else regardless of where you are in your life. I suppose the problem for me is I find it hard to acknowledge how much I've done for myself. Maybe write all you've achieved on a sheet of paper and keep it with you.

You're not alone in feeling this way and that's a comfort in itself. I know I felt like I was the only one feeling like this sometimes but tenner bets everyone goes through a phase like this.