Will I ever lead a normal life with psychiatric problems?

EyeOnTheBall

Hi

I am currently seeing a psychiatrist who is helping me with Schizotypal Personality disorder, Paranoid Personality Disorder, Avoidant Personality Disorder and Major Deressive Disorder.

In your experience, is it possible to lead a normal life with these issues? I have no job, no life, a few friends that I keep at a major distance and spend all my time with the only friend I have - the internet. I cannot bear to go out doors and spend hours psyching myself up to go to the shop or to a doctors appointment. I feel everyone is staring at me and thinking bad thoughts about me, it's unbearable and leaves me so exhausted that I have to lie down when I get home.

Am I always going to be like this? Is life going to pass me by while I sit at the window like a prisoner? Will I ever be like normal people? I fear in years to come that I will be one of those sad old ladies who is found dead in their houses weeks after they passed - without anyone to mourn them.

Even when the depression lifts (on the rare occasion) I'm still left with the debilitating thoughts. My family don't get just how ill I am, my mother told to go for a walk and think hapy thoughts. The few friends I have made are growing tired of me taking so long to return their calls. I never go out with them. I even had people saying that I have too much time on my hands and to get a job. I cannot even begin to explain just how incredibly difficult that would be. I have already gone through the whole humiliation of panicing so much at interviews that I come across as plain weird, in my head I am screaming to myself to STOP! THEY'RE LOOKING ODDLY AT YOU! but I have no control over it. I can't interact with people at work because I am so paranoid and have spent more times locked in staff toilets, which of course brings unwanted attention. I can't win. It's crushing.

Is this it? Is this how it's always going to be?

Help.

Odysseus

We can't deal with individual cases here sorry. What I will do is move your post to the LTI long term illness forum, where I think you will get some responses from people in a similar position to yourself.

nesf

Medication helps a lot I've found. I've improved quite a bit over the years due to a combination of medication and learning how to minimise the effect of my illness on me. I've suffered quite similar problems to yourself over the years and can relate to a lot of it, all I can say is work with your psychiatrist and educate yourself and try to get your head around it. It's a marathon not a sprint and the goal is to improve our quality of life bit by bit over time, don't get dismayed if there isn't an instant enormous improvement.

I've no idea if you can lead a normal life symptom free but I know for a fact that quite a few people have lead productive and happy lives while still suffering from their illness once medication and other therapies got the symptoms somewhat under control. You need to accept you have an illness and then start trying to make the best of things. Not much else you can do really.

throughhymn

Hi eyeontheball. Although i am not a psychologist nor have i studies or read intenseviley on the works of the mind and its processes, i can say that i do know a bit about psychological disorders. My mother actually has schizophrenia and it was a battle trying to get her to live a normal life. Without medicine, it is truly impossible. I always wonder and contemplate to myself, how can a woman who lived such a joyous life in here earlier years fall victim to such a life debilitating disease. It saddens me but i can do nothing but pray and with prayer see her take her medicine everyday. I do know no matter what anyone tries to tell me, the traumas and life changing moments she went through while raising me and my siblings played a role. The "voices" she hears are all voices that bring up events and times of her pasts that she detests and would never do over again. She must have taken those situations and handled them in ways inappropriate and harmful to her mental health. I know that may not make sense, but i believe as humans with a conscious how we perceive, interpret, and handle good and bad times in our lives molds us into the type of people and type of personality we will be. If we do not take those moments and handle them correctly, we run the risk of developing mental problems, insecurities, etc, when we grow older. So for you, i dont know if you have had experiences in your life that you did not handle well or you were just born with it, i ask you to be consciously aware of how you handle or deal with the everyday and big moments in your life. Handle them calmly, dont psyche yourself out and do your best to rememeber we all have our moments where we feel like anomalies and weird. I have learned through the dreadful years in highschool that yes we do care what people think of us and want to be accepted, but in the end, is it really worth it to not live the way we want. To waste our life and not go out and do things because of other people? its not at all. Now if you cant do any of these things because your case is so severe i completely understand. It perplexes me how there arent natural ways, but medicine does indeed help immesely. Medicine along with awareness can and will improve your life for the better.
Sorry if i was rambling, ive always wanted to get this out.

Katy89

hey op,

I would like to give you the advice to look for a good councillor/psychotherapist.
From my experience psychiatrists are not the most helpful profession, they ask you about your symptoms, give you a prescription for medication and that's it for them.
But a councillors job is listening to your problems. And from my experience that's the best help with psychological issues.

So go and find a good psychotherapist, might not be easy to find one, you have to have a good, trusting feeling towards him/her, otherwise it will not help much either. but if you found a good one, you trust and wants to help you, that can change your life and can get you out of your isolation in which you are in at the moment.

hope this helps and wishing you all the best in the world!!!

k.

EyeOnTheBall

Hi all

Thank you so much for all your brilliant answers, insights and advice. I'm beginning to learn how to manage this illness (it actually takes a lot for me to acknowledge it as an illness because I used to think of it as a deserved punishment!)
I am taking Zyprexa and it seems to be quite good at 'normalizing' my mind, the dosage isn't quite perfect yet but it is a vast, vast improvement. I can't believe I went so long in my life without noticing how ill I was, I just thought I was 'odd' and hid it from everyone.
I do get sad at how much of my life has been sacrificed to this disease and I think it will take some work to feel okay about that, but I am on the mend.
I will say this, I am attending my hospital as an out-patient without insurance and I must say, the level of care and attention to detail is second to none. My huge fear was that I would be locked up in a Victorian style psych ward, but it couldn't be further from the truth. Psychiatry has come a long way it seems.

Because of my illness I don't have any friends who I can confide in, my family are sadly not the supportive kind. They tend to make my psychosis worse by making it clear that my opinions and requests should be ignored because I'm not 'playing with the full deck' (!) So your opinion and advicec here means so much more to me than you know.

I wish you all love and happiness in your lives and again, thank you so much for responding.

God bless.

Roquentin

EyeOnTheBall wrote: »

Hi all

Thank you so much for all your brilliant answers, insights and advice. I'm beginning to learn how to manage this illness (it actually takes a lot for me to acknowledge it as an illness because I used to think of it as a deserved punishment!)
I am taking Zyprexa and it seems to be quite good at 'normalizing' my mind, the dosage isn't quite perfect yet but it is a vast, vast improvement. I can't believe I went so long in my life without noticing how ill I was, I just thought I was 'odd' and hid it from everyone.
I do get sad at how much of my life has been sacrificed to this disease and I think it will take some work to feel okay about that, but I am on the mend.
I will say this, I am attending my hospital as an out-patient without insurance and I must say, the level of care and attention to detail is second to none. My huge fear was that I would be locked up in a Victorian style psych ward, but it couldn't be further from the truth. Psychiatry has come a long way it seems.

Because of my illness I don't have any friends who I can confide in, my family are sadly not the supportive kind. They tend to make my psychosis worse by making it clear that my opinions and requests should be ignored because I'm not 'playing with the full deck' (!) So your opinion and advicec here means so much more to me than you know.

I wish you all love and happiness in your lives and again, thank you so much for responding.

God bless.

I am the exact same. I thought i was schizoid, but the anxiety i get when an event coming up nears is dreadful and unbearable and thus is indicative of schizotypal. So much that i start drinking just to calm myself. It could be an job interview or having to meet up with friends.

I am unemployed at the moment. Looking for a job where i can work alone. Perhaps the night shift or something.

I just have to be alone. cant be around people.

InReality

I'm ok at the moment , in general I try and treat mine as a illness that comes and goes.
Normal life is probably a bit too far for me , although outwardly you would never guess it.
But normal is a bit of a odd standard - almost everyone has some difficulties - - often hidden as in the show "embarrassing bodies" in their lives - and mine/your is a mental health one.


You sound in better form in you last post , so hope it continues.

Roquentin

InReality wrote: »

I'm ok at the moment , in general I try and treat mine as a illness that comes and goes.
Normal life is probably a bit too far for me , although outwardly you would never guess it.
But normal is a bit of a odd standard - almost everyone has some difficulties - - often hidden as in the show "embarrassing bodies" in their lives - and mine/your is a mental health one.


You sound in better form in you last post , so hope it continues.

Most of the time i am alone, but on those rare occasions in which i have to meet people, like you say, you wouldnt think i was schizotypal. So if they want me to be nice, i pretend to be nice, if they want me to be confident, i pretend to be confident. But those meeting people occasions are rare

Anxiety is my problem. I have a college degree, but dont work as I wouldnt be able to go in everyday and work around people. The anxiety would kill me and id be drinking again.

I agree, everyone has problems. You never know what goes on behind drawn curtains.

I dont know about you, but i actually enjoy being schizotypal. Im able to spend large majority of time alone and not go mad or get too depressed. You have an odd bad day, but nothing major.

Personality disorders are very hard to treat because they are only a step away from being normal. They are close to what we deem common people, just a little different.

I am looking for jobs that involve working alone and that dont involve uncertainty. The key to living a happy life is knowing what you cant do.

I would try and embrace who you are and try and find something solitary you enjoy doing. for me i love writing, it allows me to escape almost. Its like alcohol, without the unpredictability. So maybe something like that or carpentry or playing an instrument or painting or something and you may make a living out of it.

donutheadhomer

Roquentin wrote: »

Most of the time i am alone, but on those rare occasions in which i have to meet people, like you say, you wouldnt think i was schizotypal. So if they want me to be nice, i pretend to be nice, if they want me to be confident, i pretend to be confident. But those meeting people occasions are rare

Anxiety is my problem. I have a college degree, but dont work as I wouldnt be able to go in everyday and work around people. The anxiety would kill me and id be drinking again.

I agree, everyone has problems. You never know what goes on behind drawn curtains.

I dont know about you, but i actually enjoy being schizotypal. Im able to spend large majority of time alone and not go mad or get too depressed. You have an odd bad day, but nothing major.

Personality disorders are very hard to treat because they are only a step away from being normal. They are close to what we deem common people, just a little different.

I am looking for jobs that involve working alone and that dont involve uncertainty. The key to living a happy life is knowing what you cant do.

I would try and embrace who you are and try and find something solitary you enjoy doing. for me i love writing, it allows me to escape almost. Its like alcohol, without the unpredictability. So maybe something like that or carpentry or playing an instrument or painting or something and you may make a living out of it.

get plenty of exercise too was a great help to me. I took up running and its great to take it out on the road instead of myself for a change

Roquentin

donutheadhomer wrote: »

get plenty of exercise too was a great help to me. I took up running and its great to take it out on the road instead of myself for a change

Yea i do a bit of cycling now and again. Its good to get out especially on a warm day

I think the ability to get better is linked to the persons will to fight.

My wife was diagnosed with schizoeffective disorder, she spent a long time in hospital, she also spent along time on the road to recovery, now she is back working as a public health nurse.

At the time nobody believed she would ever work again but everyday she got up and fought bravely the daily fears that were totally crippling her, the panic attacks, fear of her community, fear of driving, fear of work, most evenings she would be lost to the anxiety in her head.

Now I don't mean to sound flippant by saying it only takes a bit of self will I know it's not, i honestly think i would of given up if it were me but watching my wife's battle to recovery it was her courage in refusing to never take a backward step that was the driving force for her recovery that and the fantastic support she got from Roscommon hospital mental health service(and taking her meds;)).

I have noticed the biggest factor to her well being is exercise, when she stops the anxiety can still be quite crippling at times and she's had a few close calls but exercise keeps the anxiety at bay.

Roquentin

gary71 wrote: »

I think the ability to get better is linked to the persons will to fight.

My wife was diagnosed with schizoeffective disorder, she spent a long time in hospital, she also spent along time on the road to recovery, now she is back working as a public health nurse.

At the time nobody believed she would ever work again but everyday she got up and fought bravely the daily fears that were totally crippling her, the panic attacks, fear of her community, fear of driving, fear of work, most evenings she would be lost to the anxiety in her head.

Now I don't mean to sound flippant by saying it only takes a bit of self will I know it's not, i honestly think i would of given up if it were me but watching my wife's battle to recovery it was her courage in refusing to never take a backward step that was the driving force for her recovery that and the fantastic support she got from Roscommon hospital mental health service(and taking her meds;)).

I have noticed the biggest factor to her well being is exercise, when she stops the anxiety can still be quite crippling at times and she's had a few close calls but exercise keeps the anxiety at bay.

This sort of reminds me of Vikto frankls philosophy that he sort of developed when he was a prisoner in the concentration camps.

"The prisoner who had lost his faith in the future — his future — was doomed. With his loss of belief in the future, he also lost his spiritual hold; he let himself decline and became subject to mental and physical decay. Usually this happened quite suddenly, in the form of a crisis, the symptoms of which were familiar to the experienced camp inmate. We all feared this moment — not for ourselves, which would have been pointless, but for our friends. Usually it began with the prisoners refusing one morning to get dressed and wash or to go out on the parade grounds. No entreaties, no blows, no threats had any effect. He just lay there, hardly moving. If this crisis was brought about by an illness, he refused to be taken to the sickbay or to do anything to help himself. He simply gave up. There he remained, lying in his own excreta, and nothing bothered him any more"

Its a very good book and worth the read "Mans search for meaning"