Hurt by a guy I was good to. I'm an idiot.

St._Andalou

Hi all. I've changed some names, just to make it easier to follow.

I was friends with a guy (Jason) for awhile.

Then Jason's long-term boyfriend disappeared one day without notice (literally disappeared; he lied and said he'd moved to London). Jason called me up, asked me to come over, and I was there for him a lot as he went through it all. He said he didn't like being alone. We hung out a lot, I bought him lunch, etc., tried to cheer him up. Even though I was honestly the most busy I've ever been in my life, I made time for him (I'm doing a stressful course at the minute). We got quite close.

We were never dating, I knew not to get into that, but our relationship did get sexual at some points. I did have feelings for him, but I knew the situation he was in, so I didn't push him, nor did I want to. I did say that the only thing I asked was to be treated with respect no matter how hurt he was, and he promised to do that.

He seemed like such a nice guy. Anyway, obviously the ex-boyfriend re-appeared and I've just been frozen out. I texted him a few times because we'd arranged to meet and never got a reply. A week later I saw him on Facebook chat, I asked "are you alive?" and got a "yup" before he went offline. I now realize he wanted someone around him, it didn't matter who, and he didn't appreciate my friendship at all.

I just don't understand. Why do that to someone who was good to you and was there for you when no one else was? I was so stressed and I made time for him. We got close, and he acknowledged that he liked me. He always said he appreciated what I did for him.

I feel like an idiot who's been used. I'm just so angry. The rational part of me has acted and I've cut off all communication with him. The other part of me feels so stupid and wants to act out and hurt him.

They're both liars; they deserve each other in their miserable closeted existence.

IrishEyes19

Hi, OP, its none of my business but are you male or female, just asking because if Jason and you had sexual contact at some stage and you are female, maybe he's avoiding you as he's confused sexually and is afraid his ex would find out.

On the other hand, if you're male and he's acting all distant with you, perhaps return the favour, I know it hurts to be used and then cast aside, but if your former friend was this shallow and cruel in general, then you dont need the hassle of worrying over him, he doesnt sound worth it. Its an unfortunate situation to be in, and losing a friend is tough, but you dont deserve to be used either, and frankly its very selfish of your friend. I would not respond to him if he contacts again or if he does make it clear you are annoyed that he was so distant with you. You're not his shoulder to cry on when things go bad for him, and then tossed away when the ex appears. best of luck

Taltos

St._Andalou wrote: »

They're both liars; they deserve each other in their miserable closeted existence.

Do you know - you won't get advice better than this...
Chances are this guppy will be in touch again when little boy wonder disappears again, and he will most definitely spin you the most wonderous lies. Things like "he wouldn't LET me talk to you, he was monitoring my FB".
Whatever you do - don't even for one moment believe any of his lies, right now he has showed his character and nothing in the world should allow you to forget that.

Put him and his little ego away in a box and wish them all the best in their melodramatic life, personally I prefer Emmerdale than this kind of wanabe behaviour.

Best of luck - and try to take some time for youself now. See this as a learning experience, at least now you know what Jason is really like, maybe you can now also spot people with similar traits to protect yourself in the future from being drawn to complete jerks...

Colonel_McCoy

I will keep it short.............he is a user, dont even waster your time with this p***k ever again. You are too good for him

St._Andalou

Thanks for your kind replies; I really appreciate them. I'm feeling much better about it. I was a fool to get into the rebound thing, but you live and learn.

Taltos

At least now you know what type of person he is...
Chalk it up to experience and be ready for him next time...

analucija

It could be also that his "ex" knows about you and is very jealous. Whatever it is, stay away from them.

eddison

Hi OP,

Sorry to hear about this, but you have to put it down to a lesson- thats all you can do. But don't change yourself just because of this guy. But you can't know all ends, and life is a long road, and there are no turn offs. Where will he end up? Where will you end up? My money goes on you.

But you know a person will always tell you what they are like, well before ethey have done you damage. That is, if you know how to look for the signs.
I once met an English guy in Spain, and he said his wife ran off with his best friend. He was angry. Now when talking to him, I noticed that he liked to do the talking. In fact, when I talked, he would talk over me like a politician !! So I let him talk, and talk away. When he couldn't think of anything more to say I said but they told you they would do this.
He said what? no they didn't what are you talking about? thats rubbish.

I said i bet if you think back, there were little indications, little signs, little things they did, to show you what kind of person they were. Times when they had an oppertunity to show kindness, and they didn't. Or times when they could have been considerate, but they were not. Times when they were a bit nasty to someone, but it all went unnoticed.

When he thought for a moment, he said actually yes, there were lots of little signs of how selfish she was, and his friend had low morals. but you see, this guy was so busy talking, he couldn't hear or see what was going on around him until too late. He didn't look for or notice the little things.

I'm not saying this happened in this case, but 'Jason' has shown you who he is- a 'user of kind people'. Avoid like a hole in the head. Nice escape. His boyfriend could have stayed away, and you could have had a relationship with this selfish brat, and now you know , so thank God for all the future pain you may have avoided, as he is the one who probably helped you !!!