Night Fear

AnnyHallsal

This is not a big issue and may sound silly but ...

I live on my own, have done for a number of years and generally really like it. However, some nights I feel quite anxious, afraid even. I spend three - four nights at my boyfriend's house, when I'm there I drop off to sleep immediately, and only wake very occasionally with nightmares/sleep talking. Alone in my flat - a two-room bedsit in a house with five others - I feel nervous once it gets dark - no specific fear - just an undefined anxiety. Very often when I'm on my own I have trouble sleeping. I play an audio book etc until I fall asleep, and often wake during the night. As I said, I really like living on my own so moving into shared accommodation is not an option. I can't move in with my boyfriend for the foreseeable future (not financially viable).

I'd really love to know if anyone else experiences this? At 28, I feel quite the baby, and I've lived away from home for ten years so surely should be at ease by now.

Acoshla

I'm worse than you I think! If that helps I am terrified of the dark, 26 years old, and I can't walk down the hall in the dark, I rarely go for a walk/to the shop/outside the house on long dark winter nights as I am jumpy the second I go outside, fear of the unknown with me, I hate not being able to see around me. I'm ok to sleep in house alone once I know all doors and windows are locked, but in general I am ridiculous bad, I make my boyfriend/friend/mom come to the front door if I need to get something from the car in the dark.

I don't have any advice, I just thought it might help to know you're not the only one!

AnnyHallsal

Thanks Spadina, that is reassuring

I'm relieved to hear I'm not the only one, though sorry you're also afflicted!

Yeah I sometimes get scared after dark if I'm in a house on my own. I'm still living at home with my parents so I don't often have to deal with it, but sometimes I'll even hear things that aren't there because I'm getting so paranoid. I also get very freaked out if I'm walking home in the night and there's no one around. If there's lights on in the houses or people on the streets it's fine, but when there's no one around I get a bit weird, looking behind me to see if something's following me!

In general I just try to ignore it, I know logically there's no reason to waste all my time worrying about something that doesn't even have a face. I keep the TV on so that I don't notice any "house noises" (the general creaks and taps and clicks that go off in a house that would make me think someone was in the house). I sit on a couch that's got it's back to the wall, so that I don't have to think about what's behind me. I try to leave the pub at the same time as someone going my way so I don't have to walk all the way home alone. I try my best not to entertain the thoughts I have, just keep busy so that I stay distracted. Sometimes I call/text a friend or go on the internet so that I feel in touch with people, so that if anything happened I know I'd have a line of communication open to jump to. Most importantly I remind myself that there is nothing to be scared of.

Oh and I'm 20 btw.

Acoshla

true-or-false wrote: »

In general I just try to ignore it, I know logically there's no reason to waste all my time worrying about something that doesn't even have a face. I keep the TV on so that I don't notice any "house noises" (the general creaks and taps and clicks that go off in a house that would make me think someone was in the house). I sit on a couch that's got it's back to the wall, so that I don't have to think about what's behind me. I try to leave the pub at the same time as someone going my way so I don't have to walk all the way home alone. I try my best not to entertain the thoughts I have, just keep busy so that I stay distracted. Sometimes I call/text a friend or go on the internet so that I feel in touch with people, so that if anything happened I know I'd have a line of communication open to jump to. Most importantly I remind myself that there is nothing to be scared of.

+1 completely.

AnnyHallsal

They're great strategies true-or-false, I do find they help.

I keep meaning to try meditation also. Once I dispel the anxiety I know I'll be fine.

Overheal

How logn have you been seeing the boyfriend and how long have you been having the anxiety

LegacyUser

You are most certainly not alone in this.

I don't live alone, but my housemate works around the country a lot and is not in house for weeks at a time quite frequently.

The weeks she's away, and I'm alone in the house, I too get very scared. Normal house noises are strange and frightening, and I'm terrified of intruders, my imagination will even stretch to ghosts on bad days!!
Also, we're in a semi-detached, and the house next to us is empty, but I always think I can hear someone moving around in there. It's a relatively new house for us, so I'm not used to the house's normal noises yet, however, I was the same in our last place and we were there for 2 years.

It's hard not to let yourself get freaked out. What I do is tell myself, yes, I can hear weird noises, but nothing has happened for the last 10 minutes, apart from the noise... No one has jumped out at me from behind the sofa, no burgalars are crashing through the door... They are just noises!! After a while of repeating that to myself, I realise nothing's going to happen and I'll drift off.

Also what helps is the knowledge that I am being paranoid... I keep telling myself that the fear is irrational, and I'm being silly. After about a half hour of repeating all those things to myself I eventually drift off.

I know that what I do might not work for you , but there it is... I'm 28 as well btw, so I know how silly you probably feel about it.

AnnyHallsal

Hey Overheal, I've experienced that night fear for about six years - never had it when I lived in college residence so it's clearly a being alone in the house thing. Been with the boyfriend for five years.

common sense brigade

im 30 mother of 1. and i cant sleep in a dark room unless my husbands there so you are not alone! if he stays up or is out i sleep with tv on and sound turned down till he comes to bed.

Overheal

AnnyHallsal wrote: »

Hey Overheal, I've experienced that night fear for about six years - never had it when I lived in college residence so it's clearly a being alone in the house thing. Been with the boyfriend for five years.

So it could be something about the room that makes you feel insecure, or is it perhaps just the whole concept of being alone that gives you a generally bad vibe? In 6 years have you always been in this same environment or have you moved around while still having the anxiety?

It might be nothing but I would half-suggest a short counseling session. They're sharp people. All they do is ask you those type of questions until you provide yourself the answers you were looking for. It's just a problem we sometimes get that we don't always know what questions we need to ask ourselves.

Aside from counseling the other thing I do myself is Catharsis. For me thats drawing, for other people it's other stuff like journals or playing an instrument or going for a run. Try whatever works for you the next time you find yourself restless and anxious. Keeping in mind though if this has been going on for six years, it's probably a very strong issue - so the counseling would be the best thing likely. Catharsis would help you have a general idea of where the problem might be before you see the counselor though, and once thats identified a Counselor can help develop a strategy to resolve the issue.