Advice wanted

LegacyUser

Happily married for a long time, no problems until about 4 years ago. My wife's libido virtually disappeared at that time. At the time she said not to worry, she had stuff on her mind etc but everything would come back in time. Problem is - it hasn't. I have tried to talk to her but she just says nothing or walks off. I have suggested a check up just in case it is something medical. I have suggested a councillor if it is an emotional thing with me. Bottom line is she hasn't done anything, four years on she still says 'it will come back' and dismisses the subject.
This hurts me. She avoids situations where she might be exposed to me on a horn- I can't put it any simpler. We have occasional sex but I can tell she is not interested (exit horn post haste). I like sex, I like the act itself, I like the closeness of it, being intimate with someone, the fun - it's like play for adults.
We have good kids, jobs, health, nice house, 2 cars - many would envy us. Some things worry me for a bit and might put me off sex for a little while, but not for long. If I wasn't interested for years I would definitely be looking for help. My other half seems happy to just let it drift along. She doesn't have depression I think as she doesn't show any of the usual symptoms (based on what I read). She had a woman's health check up recently and everything is fine - she never mentioned her loss of libido to the doctor.
I didn't want a celibate life but that is what I have now.
Constructive advice PLEEEEEEEEESE!

LegacyUser

I dont think I can offer any advice to you other than try to explain to your wife how important an active sex life with her is to you. Sit down with her and try to find out if she actually wants her sex drive to return or if she'd happily live a celibate life. She might feel inadequate and that may be why she brushes off the subject, so its important you broach it gently and as something you want to work out.

SlimCi

Try injecting a bit of romance and see what happens....it may be just that she needs romancing again.

Kimia

I see these posts over and over again, so this is a really common problem OP. I think that your wife is not seeing you in a sexual way anymore because she is so used to you. That's not a bad thing in a way, I'm sure she loves you but I think that sometimes in a long term relationship things tend to settle into a pattern of over familiarity.

I think that what happens is that you live with someone, and you love them completely (so that's not the problem), they become your family. You get on great, you build a life together and you are very close. I think what happens is that the sexual side of things wanes because you almost get too familiar with each other, and you start taking each other for granted, which is noones fault btw.

You see it all the time in long term relationships and I really believe it's something to do with your partner becoming non-sexual to you because you associate them with 'family', so it's a learning curve and it takes a lot of effort to maintain the feeling of sensuality and lust, but I think a good start would be to start dating again. So for example, ask her out to dinner and meet her there, like a date would. Puts a bit of mystery back into everything. My bf and I go on dates every weekend - we make sure to go out every single week at least once, just us. It maintains the adult relationship in the midst of every day life, which has a habit of trying to get in the way.