Gay relationships

normaldude

Hi,

Im in a gay relationship for the last five years with a guy 7 years younger. It is a very casual kinda one where we meet most weekends and hangout and sleep over, but both have different friend groups etc. We have gone away for weekends away to london and other places and we both had a nice time. He is a great guy really good looking and nice easy going type.

I guess the thing is we both like our space and lives that dont involve eachother all the time, but if we need the other we are there for the other. We both definately dont want to move in with the other atm, both have our own houses and good careers and like our space.

Im just wondering what people think, my family dont seem to get that you can have a relationship like this, but im curious to know what other gay relationships are like?

baby and crumble

Don't think this has anything to do with being gay tbh, that's just the kind of people you are... So long as you guys are happy.

ongarboy

Relationships come in all shapes and sizes and there is no one normal or correct type of relationship. It sounds like you have a very successful and loving relationship where you both trust and respect each other's individuality and seperate lives as well as really appreciating and enjoying the times you do spend together. Neither of you appear to be insecure about this so I wouldn't give a second thought to what others perceive as usual or unusual about your set up. I'd much rather what you have then live with someone fulltime but where full and open communication/respect/love may be lacking but to outsiders would seem a more normal type of relationship??

I'm with my partner 6 years and we also live seperately but like you, meet up/do overnights several times a week and do all the other "typical" relationship type things/holidays etc but also socialise seperately/go off on city breaks with other mates etc. I still get a happy feeling/excitement everytime I hear his car pull into the driveway as there is still a treat/novelty element to his visits...sometime that I might take for granted if he lived with me all the time?? I do get asked occasionally by people as to why we're not living together or they express surprise but for now both of us are happy with this arrangement as it suits our lifestyles and independence....the best of both worlds, in a way! Ultimately, we do see ourselves moving in together but do not feel the need to set a timeline for this.

normaldude

Relationships come in all shapes and sizes and there is no one normal or correct type of relationship. It sounds like you have a very successful and loving relationship where you both trust and respect each other's individuality and seperate lives as well as really appreciating and enjoying the times you do spend together.

Ongayboy I agree totally with your summary above of relationships, but am I right in saying that gay relationships have a difference to straight ones? I cant see us having kids or would probably not want to bring kids up with 2 daddy's, I think a mother bond is very important, but Elton John seems to be doing ok. I think gay relationship are more about individual love between the 2 guys.

Back to your point Ongayboy do you find that: 'absence makes the heart grow fonder'?

OakeyDokey

Whatever works for you and makes you happy at the end of the day. Some people still think of the old ways relationships were instead of having a modern view on things. People can be be quite happy together without living together.

Very happy for you OP

ongarboy

[QUOTE=normaldude;70914797
Ongayboy I agree totally with your summary above of relationships, but am I right in saying that gay relationships have a difference to straight ones? I cant see us having kids or would probably not want to bring kids up with 2 daddy's, I think a mother bond is very important, but Elton John seems to be doing ok. I think gay relationship are more about individual love between the 2 guys.

Back to your point Ongayboy do you find that: 'absence makes the heart grow fonder'?[/QUOTE]

OP, yes, gay relationships are very different to straight relationships in many respects (being able to have or adopt children is a very complicated and almost impossible process, there is the fact that gay relationships are not still the norm in the traditional respect of wider society , marriage is still not a legal option etc). None of these obstacles undermine the intensity of love that a gay couple can have however.Your statement about gay relationships being more about individual love between two guys intrigued me. It's a good point. I wonder are gay guys/girls more likely to end a relationship if the spark/love has gone? It seems many straight couples soldier on for the sake of the kids or just so not to be single even if the love has gone. I asked a couple of single friends recently about relationships and they were convinced that most gay guys are and will stay single. I was surprised and saddened to hear this. One friend said most gay guys want to just have fun (ie promiscuity) all the time and not be tied down. Sites like Gaydar etc would confirm that. Another said there is a smaller pool of potential partners so the chances are harder. It's not easy by all accounts.To answer your last question, yes I think absence does make the heart grow fonder. It's funny, when my OH stays over for a few days in a row, my independent streak starts to come out and tested when he "hogs" the internet or TV etc. Funny how you get so used to solitary routines!

Chuchoter

I don't think its got anything to do with being gay, you're obviously just not into big serious relationships.

Endymion

I do think you're more likely to have these type of relationships when society puts you outside of social norms. You can't (couldn't) get married, raise children and buying a home together is more difficult. Also, there's very little expectation to "settle" down in the conventional sense when you're gay. Heterosexuals start feeling the pressure as young as 16 in some cases in Ireland.

calm_bull

normaldude wrote: »

Relationships come in all shapes and sizes and there is no one normal or correct type of relationship. It sounds like you have a very successful and loving relationship where you both trust and respect each other's individuality and seperate lives as well as really appreciating and enjoying the times you do spend together.

Ongayboy I agree totally with your summary above of relationships, but am I right in saying that gay relationships have a difference to straight ones? I cant see us having kids or would probably not want to bring kids up with 2 daddy's, I think a mother bond is very important, but Elton John seems to be doing ok. I think gay relationship are more about individual love between the 2 guys.

Back to your point Ongayboy do you find that: 'absence makes the heart grow fonder'?

I agree with ongarboy in what hes saying, but i dont agree with your point for all gay relationships, i can see myself having children etc, but relationships come in all shapes and work well differently for different people. It just happens to work for you and many others, but would not work for everyone :cool:

schween

As said above, whatever works for you works for you. As long as your happy!


On a side note, I had to laugh at ongarboy being called ongayboy

normaldude wrote: »

Ongayboy I agree totally ....
Back to your point Ongayboy do you find that: 'absence makes the heart grow fonder'?

brambo

I live with my boyfriend but we both have our own bedrooms. We sleep together a few times a week but I couldn't imagine us ever sharing the same room. I'm a bit of a neat freak whereas he lets things pile up all over the place.

Some people think this set up is unusual but it works for us. OP, you sound like you have a great relationship, my ideal one tbh as I'm also very independent.

Conor30

@ Brambo

Is your bf messy in other rooms of the house? That would annoy me, having to pick up things after someone!! lol

DubArk

crayolastereo wrote: »

I don't think its got anything to do with being gay, you're obviously just not into big serious relationships.

Just because normaldude and their partner don’t live together and give each other space, I don’t think you can say it's not serious, really!
My partner and I have many friends who are in relationships (mm ff mf) they are all so different, no two alike.

normaldude wrote: »

............but if we need the other we are there for the other............

I believe this is the part that’s so important to a serious relationship.