Need advice on how best to handle this situation

LegacyUser

I would appreciate any advice people may have or possibly if they could share similar experiences and how they handled it as I am losing alot of sleep over this aswell as my appetite.This could be a long post so please bare with me.

I have been friends with a girl for nearly 2 years. when we met we were both single Im 24 and she is 21. We instantly clicked and it was like we had been friends for years. We would be constantly in contact and for long durations etc. a month after we met she decided to give things another chance with her ex and they have been together since. A total of 4 years on and off. we became even better friends in this time although we never really spent time together. She is quite a timid girl and is very shy initially and seems to be a little insecure. At the start of december we began meeting up as friends and we hit it off perfectly but I made it clear i was not prepared to cross the line and cheat with her on her bf despite all the urges and chemistry between us. this was fine she agreed. I should point out that her bf seems to treat her badly and upsets her alot and her family and friends dont like they guy. Im not one to jump to conclusions and i dont know the guy but they cant all be wrong can they? we continued to meet up as friends and physical boudaries were not crossed but we became very close.

She then broke up with the bf and told me when we were hanging out. we met a few days later and ended up kissing. I was over the moon although we agreed we should take things slowly as she was just out of a long relationship and i told her i was prepared to wait until she was comfortable.

A few days later I find out they are back together. a few days later again they break up. In total this happens three times. I havent seen her in this time. She asks me to hang out before valentines and tells me shes ending things for good after valentines and smiles at me. Being so happy we ended up cuddling on the couch.This is all great except her bf arrives up out of nowhere and sees us. Suffice to say they break up. She says shes is upset at how it happened but that shes happy it happened and that "fate obviously took things into its own hands". She asked me to go because she needed to be alone. regretably i knew this was the best thing and i left. She tells me the next day shes needs abit of space as her head is a mess. understandable.so when she asks me to give her space i do just that. zero contact for 4 days. I know the situation was really lousey and i hate how it happened but she kept telling me how unhappy she was and i could see it in her face. Anyway I get an email saying we cant have contact anymore. she has changed her number, email etc and cant explain but she has decided to give things another go with the bf.

I am in a very bad way over this. The guy seems to only want one thing and takes her for granted. What should i do? Ive not only lost a girl that im smitten with but also a really great friend.
I feel like the worst guy in the world for how everything happened.I like to think i have morals and am quite ethical and i feel like im the bad guy here. Should I try contact her?

I should point out this is the second time she has changed her number. her bf went through her phone before when she was asleep and found a text message from me and told her she is not allowed contact me anymore. This just worries me as it seems like very controlling behaviour. The text was just standard conversation between friends, nothing raunchy etc.

I suppose my question is how should i handle this situation?Has anybody found themselves in a similar position?Id really appreciate any input.

Thanks

ziedth

My god OP you sound like a star to be so understanding during all this.

Unfortunately, I don't think this will end well. This girl a chosen him over you a number of times now. In my honest opinion you don't deserve to be treated like this, you have been a great friend and unbelievably understanding as a potential boyfriend.

Now, as hard as it sounds I would change your number and email too so she can't contact you again. Surround yourself with friends/family and try get out to meet someone else or travel. The world is yours, even though you weren't together for all the world you might as well have been.

Your still young and sound like a A1 guy so you'll be fine.

Good luck.

She wants to have her cake and eat it too. It might be hard to believe because she seems sound to you, but I've known lots of girls who are lovely, great friends, shy, couldn't hurt a fly, sound and all, but when it comes to relationships they don't leave one until they have another lined up. Sounds to me like this girl has the male attention disease, and it isn't going to go away if she gets with you.

This just worries me as it seems like very controlling behaviour. The text was just standard conversation between friends, nothing raunchy etc.

It is very controlling behaviour, and very OTT, but you have to admit it's not exactly like he was barking up the wrong tree. Maybe there was a flirty undertone that you didn't realise was there. If she decides you're flavour of the month in a week and wants to get with you, how do you know there isn't some other guy that she's doing "nothing raunchy" with? Some friend that she just cuddles on the couch with?

My advice: Find someone who actually cares about you for more than 2 days of the week.