Forget about it or make a move?

LegacyUser

There is this friend, T., of one of my good friends, J., who I quite fancy and who apparently has been saying nice things about me and I would just like an outsider's opinion as obviously J is keen for something to happen between us so she'll be infinitely optimistic about the whole thing.

I let J know say three weeks ago after a night out that I had my eye on T, as I got to spend a night talking with him as J got off with his friend, and we seemed to have a bit in common. Without telling another friend, L., about this, L said to me a few days after that night that "ooh we could kinda sense something there!". So obviously there's me getting my hopes up.

Not to mention, J ended up telling me a few things that had happened before I told her that I liked him - e.g. he said to her "oh I love... X" which happened to be, on three different occasions, my hairstyle, my hair colour and my accent, and when he said about the hairstyle he actually said 'I love [my] new hair!" He's "kinda seeing" a girl back home, but one day he randomly came out with, to J "oh you know I'm not *with, with* that girl", which J found bizarre as the conversation had kinda ended and he just came out with it.

So obviously again my hopes are shooting high up. J even, one night, pretended to be tired so she could go to bed and leave us alone for a few hours, nothing happened obvs, but we got on well over a game of cards.

Now comes last night where, I dunno, you know you just have a feeling that it's not mutual. I don't know why I feel like that, maybe it's cos if he really was thinking what J thinks he's thinking he might've made a move (beverages had been consumed etc.).

Plus, I'm naturally kinda shy around people I don't know that well, particularly when there's a strong personality about (which would be J through and through) so I kinda shrink into the background a little and I guess this doesn't help - don't guys love super confident girls? I can have the banter with people I know well-ish, but I find it hard to when there's a strong personality in the room and when when I'm alone with him it feels like I can't fully be myself cos I'm "shy" when J is about - if that makes sense. We get on great when we are alone, but I find it hard to fully be myself when we are (it's nerves too, can't remember the last time I had a "crush" and half dunno how to act).

Today, he started mentioning about the girl he is kinda seeing back home, saying 'oh she's gonna be traveling in the summer...but then we mightn't be together by then' I didn't really tune in tbh but J was saying later it's the first time she's started to have doubts about him and me, cos it was odd he mentioned something about her while we were all there.

I dunno, all I'm asking is for an outsiders' opinion on what it could all mean, and advice on what to do, essentially. Do I forget about him, or hold out for him to make a move, or get J to say something...? Obviously not wanting to tear apart his thing with the girl back home, they're casual at the mo and if as far as he's concerned its exclusive then I'm fine with that. Just wanna know where I stand.

I understand how lame I sound lol , I feel like I'm 13 or something, but I'm just out of a long, long relationship and it seems all new again.

LegacyUser

hi op,

I guess the easy answer would be to ask him, but I know its difficult when you are in this situation.
Take my advise do not go by what your friend tells you always. I was in that situation and my friend was always saying x really likes you, he done this and said this, and half of it was not true.

Also I wouldnt compare yourself to J, like you said you are shy but can hold a good conversation. There is obviously something telling you he likes you too, so if it was me I would make a move. Try and be alone together and ask him out, or just go for it, do ask about the other girl though first.

I was mad about a close friend for a long time, and I had so many chances to go for it and I didnt, mainly because he was my best friend, but I am soooo sorry I didnt. I wont make that mistake again...I know rejection is scary, but if you keep thinking about it and take no action, he will end up taken....And regret is so much worse.

best of luck...

LegacyUser

Thanks takechance, sound advice I think. I think I'm going to wait and test the water for myself, and try to ignore J! He just got a job nearby yesterday so he's always going to be around our place now.
Thanks x

LegacyUser

Good luck girl....Take it slow and see what happens. Hopefully it will work out :-)

justalilconfused wrote: »

Thanks takechance, sound advice I think. I think I'm going to wait and test the water for myself, and try to ignore J! He just got a job nearby yesterday so he's always going to be around our place now.
Thanks x