Moody Girlfriend - Constant Arguments

LegacyUser

Hello Forum!

My girlfriend is wrecking my head and I'm nearly at the point to giving her the skip.

We are 4 years going out together and have moved in together since last November. Everything since the move in is gone crap since the move in, we are good together in the house with regards house hold duties etc so no problems there!

I'm 26 and she's 31, since we moved in we've been fighting like cats and dogs, words I use to describes her would be Paranoind, Moody, Stressed, Self Conscenous, Insecure, Stropy. She over analysis EVERYTHING and gets upset or moody over the smallest little thing. When she's upset, she can't just forget about things, she lets it annoy her days and the house is very akward during this. We have a fight once a week. She's the kinda person that will read a text a load of times and always draws the worse meaning from it and thinks people are being selfish or sly towards her.

We rarely go out together on a Saturday nights, and this a big issue for her, and me too, I try to fix it, she just gets upset and does nothing about it. The thing is, I am always on to her about heading out, just the two of us, or out with my friends and I go out with her friends. She always says no, and then blames me the following Sunday that she never went out. I head out with my own mates and always make it a point to wait in with her the following weekend if I do go out.

As her friends are now getting married and having babies etc the 'girls nights out' are not happening as much as they were, and unless the girls are out, she won't go out now. The two of us have very different ideas of going out on a Saturday night, she like drinks, shots dancing, typical girly stuff in disco bars usually full of Teens, the kinda place where I, at 26 & certainly her friends feel we are to old for. I like the a quiter pubs with no DJ's or a place with some live music for a a good chat, not bothered about night clubs prefer late bars instead.

To be honest, I think that she is afraid of growing up, she does act very immature some times, and her friends say that too. She had always had an issue with our Age Gap but never talks to me about it. She has very childish tantrums and is always bickering either with me, her friends, her family. She for example quit her job because her boss was too bossy!!! She can be a right 31 year old little madam sometimes.

The thing is, when we're good, we're great. We are happy for 80% of the week, but their is always a fight at least once a week about something. She knows she's moody and jokes about it herself sometimes.

At 4 years going out together, alot of people are joking with the "When's the Big Day" comments, I could not imagine getting married to this woman or having a family with her if we are gonna be fighting each week. We fought before we moved in and since the move in it's more often.

When we fight, I focus on the solutions, she focuses on the problem and makes herself more upset and can't see past it.

I'm getting sick of going out with a High Maintenance, moody girlfriend. I've said to myself, that if things don't get better by May, I'm out. I would like your Feedback/Comments/Similar experiences/Advice

Neyite

Why wait until May?

"if you want to know me, come live with me"

Generally behaviour gets worse as time goes on, not better. If, after only 3 months of co-habiting, she is annoying you, then you need to call it a day. She has always been like this, its just that you havent seen it in such close, constant proximity. You should be at the lovey-dovey buying stuff for the house together stage, not having a weekly screaming match.

I would cut my losses now if I were you.

daenerysstormborn3

Yes, they do say you don't know someone until you live them and unfortunately this seems true in your case.

All is not lost.

You need to sit down and address the issues you have raised in your post with her:

- you say she can't just forget about things, this would suggest to me that whatever it is that is upsetting her is not being resolved properly and it then plays on her mind. Are there any underlying issues that come up on a regular basis? If so, you need to speak about these properly, get everything about these issues out in the open and resolve them fully. If you can't do this then it will become a pattern for how she deals with all issues until it gets to the stage where she doesn't bring up any problems and instead lets them pile up until she explodes and then you will start to have HUGE arguments.

- why does she not want to go out with you even when you ask? You say you have different ideas of a night out. Maybe she thinks a night out as per your normal night out will be boring and she won't have fun. My suggestion would be that you and her both bring friends and have a night out in one of your usual pubs, let her see what exactly goes on on a night out with you and your mates. She might feel more comfortable and relax a bit more if her own friends are there. Tell her if she isn't enjoying herself that herself and her friends can of course head on somewhere else. It's not the end of the world if you guys don't go out together every Saturday night. Also, I am guessing when she is stroppy with you when she doesn't go out with you and your friends she is feeling jealous because her friends are settling down whereas you and your friends are still out all the time. It might be a nice gesture to get onto her friends about a girls night out, invite them to your house beforehand for drinks and some music before they head out and surprise your girlfriend. If she doesn't think that's a lovely thing for a boyfriend to do then I'd seriously question her and what the real issue is.

- you say you are not getting married to her if you are going to be fighting every week. This would suggest to me that you have in fact thought about settling down with her but have been put off since moving in together. Do you know how she feels about your future together? Is marriage and kids something she wants? I'm not just going to assume that because she seems resentful of her friends settling down and foregoing nights out that it means she wants to settle down right now.

There could be another issue at play here. Has she always been moody like this or is it something that has only appeared since you moved in together? If she has always been moody like this there is one reason that comes to mind for her behaviour, she may be suffering from PMS. Some women do get it that bad, I am not exaggerating. There are women who suffer from PMS on a sort of semi-permanent basis and it really does effect their personality in this sort of way. If this is the reason for her behaviour she should see her doctor who may be able to help.

It is admirable that you are giving your relationship a chance before just packing things in. You have a strong past together and you are obviously building towards a future (given that you have moved in together) so just throwing in the towel before trying to get to the bottom of issues would be a bit hasty in my opinion.

LegacyUser

She wants to stay in.....and then give out to you for not going out.

You cant win with this. Is it worth the stress? Really.
She needs to sort out her own issues, get her to a councillor.

If not, walk, or you will be needing one shortly.....

LegacyUser

She has always been like this, its just that you havent seen it in such close, constant proximity.

+1

She is who she is, unfortunately when you're dating someone you only really get snapshots of their personality, when you move in together you see the full picture. In some cases it's not a pretty one.

IMHO You need to sit her down and explain in no uncertain terms how you feel especially this:

I could not imagine getting married to this woman or having a family with her if we are gonna be fighting each week.

I think she really needs to know how seriously you feel about this, I think you owe it to both her and yourself to let her know now that you cannot have a future marriage/kids with her if she continues with this type of behaviour. May is a good time frame, if she hasn't bothered to try and sort things out by then, then it really is time to cut your losses and find someone who can really make you happy.

be aware though that the way she's behaving could very well just be her normal personality which you haven't really had a chance to be around 24/7. Unfortunately no matter how much you love someone, you can't change their personality. She may simply just not be the woman you thought she was.

vetinari

As others have said, she is who she is. Personally I would say that it would be best to end things. Speaking from experience, an argument a week is not sustainable. It will eventually suck all the good out of a relationship.

C-J

I'd cut my losses now, it's better to get out now than to turn around in another 5 years married to her with kids and realising you made a horrible mistake. It won't be nice but it's worth it in the long run. I'm with my man 4 years and couldn't even imagine treating him the way you're treated. Yes we row but it's very rare & it's forgotten about, but when you find the one for you it'll be a lot better than the treatment you're getting at the moment.

Daegerty

Run, boy!

Cheap Thrills!

I couldn't stand that kind of carry on OP. She sounds really hard work. I would cut your losses and get out asap. Delaying till May is only leading her on.

Fittle

My guess is you've signed a 6 month lease on your place...or given yourself a 6 month timeframe, to see if things work, hence the May thing.

Either way OP, if you can't see yourself marrying this girl or having a family with her after a 4yr relationship, do both of you a favour and end the relationship.

gossipgal08

If it is a case of a lease fine but ask your self why are you continuing to live with her.

And for gods sake becareful when sleeping with her. If she has a child your stuck with her for life