Can't cope with smear test

LegacyUser

This is probably going to sound ridiculous and stupid to some people, but it is a big issue to me so please don't tell me to "snap out of it" because it's not that simple.

I had my first smear test yesterday and I can't get over the experience. I've been dreading it for years. I've felt sick about it all week. I'm incredibly uncomfortable with another woman (even a doctor) even seeing me in my underwear so you can imagine how I felt about that kind of procedure.

I feel totally violated. I know it's necessary and blah blah but that doesn't make me feel any better about it. I keep going over it in my head and it won't stop. I have a history of depression and while I haven't suffered from it in years, I can feel myself starting to head that way again. I don't want to eat, I don't want to get out of bed, I don't want to do anything.

I'm trying to get over it but it's really not that simple. It just catches up with me and I end up crying about it. What really doesn't help is that afterwards the nurse had the cheek to say "Well that wasn't that bad now was it?". Yes, it was pretty much as bad as I thought it would be. I honestly don't know if I can go through that again, let alone go back to that nurse ever again.

I don't want this to spiral out of control but I don't know how to get over this. I know it's probably not a big deal for most women, but I'm quite sensitive about these things.

dudara

I understand 100% that you were not comfortable with the experience - but what I am not understanding is the "why".

Why the feeling of violation? Why the fear of a doctor examining you internally? A lot of women don't like this, but they're not afraid of it either.

Don't answer these questions if they are too personal for you, but please, at least think about them

LegacyUser

You poor thing.
In fairness, it is a horrible experience.
Someone poking around at you with a horrible cold metal thing, and no matter how relaxed you are, it can kind of hurt, and that's not nice at all.

And it doesn't matter that LOADS of women are ok with it, some people are more sensitive than others.

LegacyUser

I know its not something any of us want to do but a lot of young women in this country die from cervical cancer so it really is an absolute neccessity unfortunately.

You mentioned the nurses comment after, Im sure she didnt mean to upset you but maybe you could consider going elsewhere next time. If your in Dublin I can recomend a practice with two female gp's who are fab & thats the only place I will have my smear.

The main thing is its over now & you wont have to go through this again for a few years hopefully. Think how many invasive exams you would need if you had cervical cancer, at least this way you can hopefully prevent this happening. Give yourself credit for doing something that was very hard for you & keep telling yourself its over now.

LegacyUser

To be honest, I'm not entirely sure why. It's not like I've ever been abused or anything. I've just always been very shy about my body. But even at that, I wasn't expecting such a bad reaction to this. It's possible I was way too worked up about it from thinking about it negatively for years before hand. But I don't know how to think about it any other way. There is a part of me that knows it was the sensible thing to do, but it's only a shockingly small part of me. The rest of me is just screaming. I'm not even worried about the results, I'm just so messed up because a stranger was "down there" and did something awful. I should at least feel proud that I was brave and did it, but all I feel is regret. I really don't understand why I'm feeling this way. I don't want to feel this way.

dudara

You shoud feel proud of yourself for having done it. But you do need to get this idea of "violation" out of your head. It was a necessity for your health.

Focus on the positive and don't let this feeling resurface in a few years time when you'll need your next smear, or when you'll be having children.

Acoshla

You got yourself ridiculously worked up about it beforehand which is not a good plan, I was nervous going to my first one (especially as I had a very bad kidney infection) but I made myself stay calm and normal for the days beforehand, because getting upset about it before it happens will inevitably make it worse.

To be honest, I don't see what is so bad about it in comparison to any other invasive medical procedure. Babies are born, men have their prostates checked, people have all sorts of bowel issues and all of these are uncomfortable, embarrassing, a strange experience, but have to be done. It's a fact of life that to stay healthy you have to have medical professionals examine your body at one time or another, so maybe if it upsets you this much you should consider speaking to someone about it to see why you have such a problem with it.

mood

OP I think you should consider counselling if you honestly feel violated after a smear. It's not a nice experience. I don't like having it done but I also don't like going to the dentist (less invasive obviously). It really shouldn't have such a major effect on you.

mud

You poor thing OP. I can relate to what you are saying.

I'm not sure how I got it into my head that smears were awful, but for the last while I have been totally dreading them.

I have a theory that because I've never had a child, I have no experience of people messing around down there.

The more serious side of my story/advice is that through a smear test, I was found to have border-line abnormal cells which required treatment. It is a tough process and there are colposcopys and smears every few months. Tbh they don't get any easier, I have to chat to the doctor and nurse for a few minutes beforehand to let them know that the process makes me uncomfortable and that is usually enough to make them go a bit slower and keep me involved in the treatment.

My point is that yes, there are other women who find this whole area to be awful/painful/embarassing/upsetting but doctors FIND and STOP unpleasant things that may be brewing.

This procedure saves lives so try and keep that in mind the next time you have to go. Breathing deeply and well is key. Don't be ashamed to ask the nurse to keep you company at the head of the bed or to hold your hand. Be as relaxed as possible, it will be over quicker.

Fittle

'I'm just so messed up because a stranger was "down there" and did something awful'

You need to delete that sentence from your brain immediately, because it is so factually incorrect that it's not funny.

Firstly, she was a nurse, a trained professional who performs thousands of smears on thousands of women per year. It was her job, which she is trained to do - her comment after it was her way of trying to help you relax, nothing more.

Secondly, she did nothing awful. She performed a medical procedure on you, in order to get some cells from your cervix to ensure you don't have cancer. Yes, smears are not pleasant but the truth is OP, they last approximately 2 minutes. Yes, they can be uncomfortable and embarrassing - but with respect, you need to forget about it now and get on with your life. This was not a violation of your body. This was a medical professional examining you to ensure you don't have cancer.

moco

OP, also try and remember that for the nurse or doctor doing the examination, it's like something you do in your job day it, day out. It's just like doing some filing or something to them. They're not thinking of you badly, nor does it embarrass them.

What I'm trying to say is, is it the fact the procedure has to be done at all, or the fact that a person has to do it that annoys you? If there was a machine that could do smear tests, would it still upset you having it done?

Because..if it's the embarassment of having another person do it, try and get it into your head that it's nothing to them. They do these things thousands of times and never give it a second thought.

LegacyUser

OP, I'm sorry you're so upset.

I'm worried about you because your reaction is so extreme.

You said it yourself, that you don't want this to spiral out of control. If you have a history of depression, then you know doctors that you can talk to.

Please contact one of them and go talk to them. Let them help you deal with this feeling of violation and distress.

Well done for going for the smear when you were afraid of it - not easy to do but you did it. Now, finish the job you set yourself by dealing with the aftermath.

ztoical

traumatised wrote: »

I don't want to eat, I don't want to get out of bed, I don't want to do anything.

If your seriously feeling like this after a smear test then you need to speak to someone about your issues. It's not healthy or normal to have this sort of reaction to what is basic medical procedure. There are far more invasive ones that you could have to endure in the future depending on your health so best to deal with this now.

traumatised wrote: »

I honestly don't know if I can go through that again, let alone go back to that nurse ever again.

First off it's not like a smear test is a regular medical procedure you need to have that often. If you get the all clear you won't need another one for at least 3 if not 5 years. Second if your not comfortable with the nurse then go to someone else. Having had two smears one with a doctor and one with a nurse I won't be going to the nurse again as I found the doctor to be much better.

um7y1h83ge06nx

A few months ago I had to go to a GP with what most men would consider a sensitive, worrying issue (i won't go into it here). Even though it was absolutely necessary to go and seek medical advice I still felt worried and nervous.

When I went into the GP I had a line rehearsed that I read on a medical website which clearly explained the issue so we could start to discuss it. I think it was more worry about the issue than fear of the GP etc. that made me nervous. I had full faith in the GP.

Anyway once we got the big things out of the way we both decided I should have a full medical 'NCT'.

This included checking my testicles for anything unusual. Being honest this part of the consultation didn't bother me at all for two reasons:

1. The GP was a medical professional, knew what he was doing and in the course of his work would have seen lots of penises.

2. Testicular cancer is a serious issue and if there was anything at all suspicious I would want it dealt with asap.

So there was other things I'd rather do instead of dropping my pants to a GP but it was most definitely a good thing to do.

(By the way I often check myself out to the best of my ability every so often after a shower, not a bad habit to get into)

Whatever happens, please don't let your experience deter you from getting smears done in the future. It could save your life.

Good luck.

you poor thing, dont be dwelling on it and letting it upset you, fair play to you in the first place for doing it, you should, like other posters have said, be proud of yourself. Nobody likes having to get procedures like these done, but its purely medical and nothing else, dont let it get you down because it was not a negative thing, you were responsible for your health and thats a great thing. I hope you can overcome your anxiety over this matter and sure look at it like this, we all have to get stuff like this done, male and female, its all part of looking after our health, its all part of life!

Kimia

I just want to make a point. I have had several smears over the years and yes they are unpleasant but not painful, just uncomfortable and irritating.

However, I had a horrific experience one time by a foreign doctor and I was left with the very same feeling as the OP. I felt totally violated and I was actually crying when leaving the doctor's room, to the point where when I was paying (yes I should not have paid but I was on auto pilot) the nurse kept asking me what was wrong but all I wanted to do was get out of there.

It wasn't normal, and it wasn't what normally happens at smears. She was very rough with me and used a huge speculum and it hurt really bad. Really bad. She had no idea about using a towel for privacy and was very very bad with putting me at ease.

So I don't know - OP did something like this happen to you? Because I complained my 'doctor' because I was so appalled that she might do the same thing to someone who had no prior experience of what a smear actually should feel like and maybe this has happened to you?

LegacyUser

Fittle wrote: »

you need to forget about it now and get on with your life.

If it was as simple as forgetting it, then I wouldn't have posted this in the first place would I? My problem is that I can't forget it. I'm an extremely sensitive individual. When I try to block it out, it all just suddenly comes rushing back when I least expect it. Bottling things up isn't a solution for me. I know I'm being irrational, but that doesn't change how I feel.

moco wrote:

What I'm trying to say is, is it the fact the procedure has to be done at all, or the fact that a person has to do it that annoys you? If there was a machine that could do smear tests, would it still upset you having it done?

Oh it's totally the person doing it that's getting to me. Bearing in mind the worst "procedure" I've had done before this is the swine flu vaccine, this was a huge jump for me and therefore a huge issue. I'm extremely shy about my body. If I'm in the womens dressing rooms at a swimming pool, I always get changed in the toilets.

Kimia wrote:

So I don't know - OP did something like this happen to you? Because I complained my 'doctor' because I was so appalled that she might do the same thing to someone who had no prior experience of what a smear actually should feel like and maybe this has happened to you?

I wouldn't say anything out of the ordinary happened or that the nurse did anything wrong. I felt she kept looking at me funny, and she didn't really make me feel at ease. But I doubt anything could have made me feel at ease. I assumed that because it was my first time that she'd cop how uncomfortable and terrified I was, but I'm not sure she did. Maybe I should have said something.

mood

OP I know I've already said it but you should really try to get some counselling about this. You shouldn't be this effected by a smear text. How will you ever manage if you ever get pregnant? This needs to be sorted out and I think you need profession help to be able to cope with such situations in the future.

Kimia

I agree with Mood. It appears that your problem might not be the smear test in itself, but an extreme case of social anxiety and shyness about your body. I know ideally the nurse would have sensed your discomfort but you have to tell people these things. And definitely you will have to get used to having smears done because they are essential. I don't want to scaremonger but what happens if you don't get them done and the next thing you know you have cancer and have to have WAY more invasive procedures done, to save your life?

Ickle Magoo

I think you need to put this in perspective OP. This wasn't just anybody off the street looking at or touching your genitalia - it was a medical professional doing a specific medical procedure for the purposes of trying to ensure early detection of a potentially life threatening disease.

Of course smear tests are unpleasant and of course they are uncomfortable and you leave your dignity at the door to a certain extent - but you do all that to try to prolong your life and avoid having to deal with hysterectomy, chemotherapy and premature death. Put in perspective, the alternative to having smear tests is much, much worse than anything you have to endure during your average smear test.

All the best. :cool: