Ex is making up disgusting rumours about me.

LegacyUser

Hey, so as the title says, my ex is making up horrid rumours about me.

Little backround info - we broke up 6 months ago, mutual decision. He couldn't handle the fact that I was a rape victim, and he says that he is a child sex abuse victim (although the things he has said recently have lead me to believe otherwise). I've been in a relationship for 5 months, he was in one for 3 months.

So, the girl he broke up with recently, there was a lot of drama with. He told me that she didn't allow him to be friends with me and was extremely possessive. He told her awful lies about me, and told me awful lies about her.

Recently, she and I have become friends of a sort. We realize now that he was playing us both off of each other, which is over now as I have cut contact with him.

The thing is, he is spreading very vicious rumours about me, and I'm wondering is there anything I can do legally to stop them, as they are extremely damaging and I don't want to risk my employers or family hearing of them.

Among MANY other things, his rumours include - I was sexually abused by my dad as a baby (never happened), my parents take all my money and my mother fakes her disability to prevent me from moving out (not true), I stole all his money (not true) and one of the worst ones - he's claiming I raped him, twice. I never even wanted to have sex with this guy much, I have almost no sex drive. He pressured me a lot at the beginning to have sex with him and after 2 years it became a routine, I'd do what he wanted because while I didn't particularly enjoy it, it was easier to get it over with. He NEVER forced me or anything, it was just a typical mundane sex life.

He is also saying (to me, up until I cut contact with him) that his most recent ex (the one I'm on speaking terms with now) forced him to have sex also.

I know rumours are best ignored, but some of the things he is saying about me could be really damaging if my family hear them and frankly, I don't want people believing that stuff about me or my family. Is there anything I can do legally to stop him?

Also, is there anything I can do to get my stuff back from him? It's been over 6 months now and he refuses to return any of my stuff. I've even travelled the 400 miles to his house to get my stuff, only to be refused entry or told he's not there. I'm sick of waiting to get my things back.

Storminateacup

He's accusing you of raping him. A criminal offence. I would go to the gardai over that, no doubt. The rest of the claims? The malicious rumors.. I would speak to my solicitor.

They aren't "harmless" rumors. Its defamation. He's destroying your fathers name, labelling him as a paedophile. You do not have to put up with that.

You've done nothing wrong.

Chuchoter

At this point I would get the guards involved, these are very serious accusations. Its not like he's just saying you're a bitch (you're not, just different level of rumour) he's saying you're whole family are criminals. I would also consider him not giving you your things back theft.

spinandscribble

Tbh op I doubt ANYONE is taking him seriously, particularly when he claims BOTH his recent gfs raped him....

But what gets me is the label of pedophile on your dad. If I was you as soon as that reached my ears I'd been at the gardai station. Why on earth were you sitting around? This is serious. I think the gardai will (or should) take this seriously incase this man wastes their time in the future.

johnboysligo

go to a solicitor > get solicitors advice > follow solicitors advice

the burden of proof falls on your shoulders if you approach the gardaí without evidence ( who might just turn around to you and say its a civil matter not criminal ) so it might not be a bad idea to leave them out of it unless your solicitor advices you to go to them.

if you can prove he said what he said ( text / email / instant messenger conversation / facebook post or message ) you can probably pin this pebble brain idiot to the wall with some form of legal action.

p.s. for the items he has kept that belong to you, ask your solicitor about having them recovered. If he refuses to return them than its theft if he refuses to return them after your solicitor makes contact with him on your behalf then you can involve the gardaí.
Again the burden of proof falls to you so if its something you've bought like a TV or furniture try and dig up the receipts or credit card bill.

op the guy sounds like a slim ball, keep your distance and don't be afraid to tell him to shove his lies and stories up his backside if he tries to make contact with you again.

letsbehonest

I know what he is doing is totally wrong to you and I am making no excuses for him but if he was sexually abused as a child he prob feels lonely and really depressed about the whole matter and when he was with it kind of made him feel happy if he was abused and he began to spread those things about you it prob made him feel in control and if he was abused maybe being in control made him feel good and especially after braking up with you. Now I know I may sound crazy there but I actually would recommend you tell him to see someone or something if he was abused he needs to deal. If you did have sex with him and you did a certain thing to him that the person that abused him did it might have reminded him of the abuse so in his head he saw it as abuse!

lesserspottedchloe

I wouldn't brush this off easily if I were you. What he is doing is serious and illegal :mad: -you're right to worry. I broke up with a guy before and he added up the cost of milk and weetabix, the odd cinema treat where he payed, take-aways he bought and even a crappy old nokia phone with no back to it...turned around the next week and said I owed him hundreds and I used him for his money :rolleyes:. I ignored this thinking he'd realize how sad he was being but the lack of attention I paid just spurred him on..

He ended up getting reeally drunk (common occurance) and calling up to my mother to ask for 'all the money I owed him' telling her I was a dangerous slapper (I assure you I'm not!) and that I'd never be happy going through my life using every guy I met..He scared the crap out of her and made her CRY.I ended up giving him 300quid and the sh!t phone back in an effort to shut him up:(...I really wish I had gone to the guards aswell as ringing his mother in Enniscorthy to tell her what he was up to!

Everytime I meet one of his friends it's really awkward and I get the feeling he's said things about me to them. Please learn from my mistake and report him to the guards, get it down in writing incase he turns even more nasty...