25 year old virgin

LegacyUser

I don't really know what posting this will achieve, but I'm lonely and just need to unload somewhere. Here goes: I'm a 25 year old guy and still a virgin. I have a good job but very few friends-basically the odd few whom I see fairly infrequently. My basic question is, how can anyone with zero relationship/dating experience as me ever be seen or desired by any girl? Its weird, but when I say that I've never had a gf etc. it even sounds strange to me myself- let alone anyone else. Because of my lack of experience I'm very awkward and nervous not just around girls but in other groups- its like a horrible embarrassing secret I'm afraid people will find out about me. I know I'm only 25 but lately I've never felt older or more isolated and alone in all my life. I don't even think its worth trying as I'm sure any girl will view a 25 year old virgin who never had a girlfriend as some kind of immature weirdo. Thanks for reading

Storminateacup

I don't think the "never had a girlfriend, never had sex" is the issue.
I am a firm believer of being comfortable around others before you can be comfortable doing anything else with them.
It sounds cliched, but when you meet a girl nice enough to have sex with, she won't care that you've never had sex before, because she'll like you for you.

Don't view females as potential girls to date or whatever. Its putting yourself under undue pressure. Take your time to make friends - male and female. Learn to enjoy other peoples company. The rest will come naturally.

LegacyUser

op im also 25 and a virgin. big whoop poo poo happens as they say. If a potential girlfriend viewed you as a immature weirdo because you've never stuck your wang in a girls thang than its her problem not yours. main thing to remember when dating is to try your best to not be an ass or let yourself get treated poorly ( works both ways :P )

Try and find a hobby that will get you out of the house and let you meet people. doesn't even have to be a hobby your interested in just something you can try once or twice with a social aspect and soon enough you'll kick that awkward and nervous streak.

You might have zero relationship/dating experience but I don't think anyone would hold that against you because, well really I don't think many women would ask you to have a minimum number of dates or sexual adventures before they would consider letting you ask her out or her asking you out.

Zen65

virgin guy lonely wrote: »

its like a horrible embarrassing secret I'm afraid people will find out about me.

Op,

This is genuinely not something to be embarrassed about. It is far more common than you would believe. Society & the media thrive on stories about sex and create a myth that everyone over 17 years of age is having loads of sex, and those that are not are in some way impaired, but this is so far from the truth it is almost funny.

Sex sells. It sells products and it sells magazines, tv programmes, and advertising. Don't let yourself become immersed in that genre of media thinking to the extent that you think you're odd. You're simply living a life in reality, and as such your situation is not abnormal.

Relax, take up a physical hobby (to help with your feelings of awkwardness and to get yourself socially involved) and get to know people. In a fairly short time you'll discover that your "secret" is a matter of no substance, and if you can stop thinking about it long enough, and relax more around people, relationships will happen.


Be at peace,

Z

LegacyUser

Firstly, it is absolutely not embarrassing or shameful to be a virgin at any age! Don't be thinking that.
I kind of know how you feel. Although I'm female I only lost my virginity at almost 25. I am 28 (almost 29, with two kids!) now, and I do think back and wonder why I made such a big fuss over it. At the time I felt like a freak, and hated when others talked about sex, as I felt my lack of experience was written all over my face! I never admitted to friends or even my parents I was still a virgin. I too was so embarrassed about it, and thought it would never happen.
I also fretted that my virginity would be obvious to the first guy I slept with, and that he would laugh at me.
As you might guess, I met a lovely guy at 24. We dated 5 months before we slept together. It wasn't great, and we didn't know what went were, but we got much better! He was 26 at the time, and only lost his virginity himself a few months previously at a drunken one night stand. In fact, he couldn't finish (sorry if too much information), so he was very very inexperienced too.
This guy was also shy, and had never had a girlfriend. I saw him, and I chatted him up in the nightclub. Some women like shy, quiet, thoughtful guys, and some of us girls will make the first move too. I didn't give a damn about his lack of experience, in fact, as I was a virgin, I felt it took a lot of pressure off me. The only downside was that we totally sucked at the sex thing when we first tried it several months later. ( It took him that long to get the courage to come on to me like that ( I had made my desires clear earlier, but was too shy to openly ask for it!)
Now looking back, I think I was mad even getting worked up about it in the first place. Sure most people have sex earlier, but I realise now that it doesn't really matter in the long run. There's plenty of time to catch up, and anyone that judges you on lack of experience, isn't worth going out with.
I would say very very few women would care or judge a man for being a virgin, so don't feel embarrassed by it,and I really hope you meet a nice woman soon!

thefeatheredcat

there's nothing to be worried about! Some years ago I met a lovely guy, similar age to you and was a virgin. I was actually delighted and happy about it and it didn't matter/bother me one bit and certainly wasn't a problem.

as for lack of experience in being in a relationship, if you have some honesty and an ability to communicate openly with the other person comfortably, and are mature in how you act/behave that is acceptable to yourself and the other person, then you shouldn't have much to worry about. There's always a learning curve in relationships and that's good because each person has an opportunity to learn from the other in different things.

Don't be so hard on yourself OP find something you like, have a passion or flair for and build on that confidently. and smile and be relaxed in your own self and you might find others smiling right back you.

nickobrien1985

This has single-sex schooling written all over it.

IrishEyes19

agree exactly with that other posters have said here, the image thats given out of young people having sex very young is totally inaccurate, yes people are having it younger, but thats a trend, not a huge majority, and usually the ones bragging about it, are the ones still waiting for the "big day" so to speak.

Op, theres nothing weird or odd about it, and most people's first times will either be ok, awkward or at worst uneventful. Point is the people who would judge you on whether sex the first time was good or else judge you on being a virgin or sexually inexperienced are the people who will find themselves lacking in other departments of a relationship. Because relationships are all about give and take and learning, and if you are judged by someone on something like being a virgin that person isnt worth spending time with and possibly only sees dating as a chance to have sex anyway.

so theres nothing weird about it. As other posters said, get involved in a few social clubs, they are great for meeting people and starting up new friendships and from there on will possibly develop into relationships too. Anything is possible. but on the bright side, you arent unique in your situation, you only think you are.