Complicated love

LegacyUser

I had been hoping I wasn't, that it was just something small , because in truth I am a bit shallow sometimes in the type of girl I go for ( The obviously good looking type, wheras this girl isn't exactly obviously good looking, but has an incredible personality, and I find her great ). But I think I am in love.

Who is this girl? She is a friend. I was introduced to her via my best friend, and slowly became friends with her group, often in the presence of my best friend. Its actually gotten to the point where I see them close to everyday or every second day.

Anyway, I wasn't really sure how I felt, but there is a connection, that I actually haven't felt before. I find her presence relaxing, and feel that perhaps I could be a little more myself around her ( I do struggle to open up to people, built a fairly likable persona )

So problem is this, my best friend used to have feelings for her, and although brief, they existed. They kissed once or twice, but it went no further, they are now friends. Part of the reason that they stopped that kind of thing though was at my urging, because at the time I couldn't see why he was wasting his time with her. Now obviously I can.

So, the next guy she moved onto turned out to be a d*ck, and, not knowing who I was, boasted to me about her and was derogatory towards her to what seemed to him to be a stranger in a pub. I felt very protective of her ( an example of the feelings kind of suddenly coming over me ). I told a trustworthy female mutual friend, who I thought would be better equipped to handle the situation, and left the decision on what would be said, if anything, up to her.

So they broke up a few days later, and its been about 3-4 weeks. I am now sure of my feelings, and the more time alone we spend together, the more I see it. I just don't know what to do. To make matters worse, I am having a bit of an arguement with my best mate, the one who used to like her. If I tell her, it could ruin the whole dynamic of the new group, or at least force me to back off. I don't know how my friend would take it, how anyone else would, the ex would realise who I was etc. I don't often fall, but I suspect I am falling hard. I just don't know what to do. Usually I'm pretty solid on guessing whether someone is into me or not, but this time I've no clue! I'm completely lost!

Count Duckula

There's a few issues at play here, as I'm sure you realise. Firstly, you don't want to upset your friendship. I would recommend you talk to you friend. If all he had with this girl was a brief infatuation, I'm sure he won't mind too much. Explain that your falling for her is a very recent thing, and make it clear you really have fallen for her. If he still cares about her he won't want to see her hurt or used, especially if she's just come out of a horrible relationship. Also, if he truly is your best friend he should be able to see your honesty, and be happy for you that you like someone. If he kicks up a fuss, I'd say you have to consider whether he has your best interests at heart.

On the note of the ex-boyfriend: bollocks to him. The guy sounds like a Grade-A wanker, so it makes no odds if he finds out you now like his ex. Even if it becomes apparent you liked her at the time, what he said was unpleasant and inappropriate, and it's nobody's fault but his that the relationship ended because he's such a horrible jerk.

Which all means that if you like this girl, perhaps you ought to approach her. Yes, you have to consider the effect this might have on the group dynamic as a whole, and whether that's something you're willing to upset (whether this girl responds well or not I suspect things will never be quite the same in your group), but you also need to consider that if you really like her, you owe it to yourself. Of course, perhaps you ought to make sure that she's ready for another relationship. If she's just been with a guy who treated her like dirt, she may want to be single for a while. You don't want to upset the friendship and ruin any potential chance you might have with her by being too forward too soon.

Best of luck in finding happiness.

LegacyUser

Because things aren't so good with my friend at the moment, I'm also concerned that I'll see less of her, just to add to the list of issues