Will chasing him turn him off?

LegacyUser

Hi Boards,

Need a bit of advice.

I recently had sex with a shy guy. I met him through friends of friends. He's not initiated contact since although I did text him and we had a bit of a text chat for a while. Not exactly a mad texting marathon, just polite texting. I'm not sure if he was just texting me back out of politeness or not.

My question is- Should I chase him or will that put him off? Do I run the risk of ruining my dignity if he's not interested?

Don't want to end up with egg on my face.

A niggling part of me is also telling me that even though he's shy, if he really liked me, he'd find a way to let me know.

What do ye think?

borabora

Hmmm, I don't know. You texted him, so that gave him the opportunity to talk about meeting up again if he was going to. I don't think you should contact him again, but try to be out when he is as soon as possible. Act friendly, have a good chat and move on. Give him signals that you are open to conversation if he wants to initiate it beyond that. Good luck!

LegacyUser

I know this isn't what you want to hear but:

If being shy didn't stop him from getting naked and having sex with you then being shy won't stop him from letting you know he's interested in something more.

I'm sorry but it sounds like he just wanted a one night thing and only texted back out of politeness. You initiated contact so the balls in his court now, don't text him again, if a guy really likes you he'll make the effort shy or not.

IrishEyes19

I'd let him text now the next time, since you have made contact already. You've stated your obviously interested by contacting him, so let him make the effort now, if a while goes by and you hear nothing, send one more text maybe and leave it at that. He should have gotten the message by then.

John400

To Chase or not to chase wrote: »

I recently had sex with a shy guy. I met him through friends of friends. He's not initiated contact since although I did text him and we had a bit of a text chat for a while.

He's not interested in you in my opinion. I don't think you having sex with him early has helped.

Motley Crue

OP, you slept with him, and yet now he struggles to text you? Surely any previous inhibitions have been squashed since you've had sex? If he is still playing this shy and nervous card then I would consider it a waste of your time. He obviously had his fun and now he is stringing you along. You're worth better then this.

And I would also think twice in future before about having sex with someone you're not even sure likes you.

Wompa1

To Chase or not to chase wrote: »

Hi Boards,

Need a bit of advice.

I recently had sex with a shy guy. I met him through friends of friends. He's not initiated contact since although I did text him and we had a bit of a text chat for a while. Not exactly a mad texting marathon, just polite texting. I'm not sure if he was just texting me back out of politeness or not.

My question is- Should I chase him or will that put him off? Do I run the risk of ruining my dignity if he's not interested?

Don't want to end up with egg on my face.

A niggling part of me is also telling me that even though he's shy, if he really liked me, he'd find a way to let me know.

What do ye think?

To be honest OP if it was a one night stand I'd say cut your losses. I have respect for women for the most part and try to treat them well but on the rare rare rare occasion I had one night stands a switch went off inside me the next day that told me not to try to be with that person again.

I guess it's a complete double standard but I probably subconciously think if she gave it up that easy to be, what's to say if I have a relationship with her she won't just go and give it up to somebody else...obvious double standard being that I had sex with them too...I don't have ONS anymore, might try agian to see if it was a maturity thing on my part but I just didn't feel any connection during them

dearg lady

i continue to be shocked and pretty p*ssed off by the double standards that still exist with regard to women sleeping around. If a man looks down on a woman for something he himself does freely, he's not the kind of guy I want to be with.

anyway, OP, back on topic. My gut feeling would be that he isn't interested, how did he sound in the texts, was he asking questions??

metrovelvet

WHen a man chases he looks like a courtier, when a woman does it she looks like a needy desperate psycho.

It's a double standard, and like it or not, it's very much in existence.

If he had sex with you, he's not that shy. So I would say drop it. You cant win here.

Count Duckula

Wow, you're all trying to paint this guy as some sort of user, who has slept with the OP and then run off stringing her along, when nothing we have been told thus far suggests that.

They slept together, now he's moved on. To suggest he's stringing her along is insulting because it (1) implies he's a Machiavellian predator who tricked his way into the OP's knickers, and (2) implies that women like the OP aren't capable of having fun and casual one night stands without strings and feelings getting involved.

For all we know this incident was a proper one-off. The OP has since decided she quite liked him, asked him if he wants to take things further, and is then waiting for a response. She has since decided to ask advice as to whether she should pursue it further. I'm sure, if we convince her that he's not interested, she'll shrug and move on with her life, not feel used. Similarly, the man involved may not feel the same way about her - he merely viewed it as a one night stand - and that's that.

I'd also like to point out that you can be shy and yet horny. I knew guys at university who were shy almost to the point of being socially crippled, but when a nice girl showed enough interest in them to arouse their appetite, and took the lead, they'd be humping away like madmen.

Katgurl

Yeah I'm with the other posters that he doesn't sound interested. However that's not guaranteed so no harm dropping one last text suggesting he contact you if he fancies a beer sometime.

If he does, then great full steam ahead.

If not, plenty more where he came from. I wouldn't waste any time worrying over it.