Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie
Hi there,
There is an issue with role permissions that is being worked on at the moment.
If you are having trouble with access or permissions on regional forums please post here to get access: https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058365403/you-do-not-have-permission-for-that#latest

What should I do

  • 23-02-2011 9:10am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi everyone,
    Been going out with my boyfriend for about 4 years. We both love each other, have talked about marriage, kids etc. We spend the week apart due to work (I work in Limerick, he works in different regions around the country, generally a month or so in each location), but spend all of each weekend together.
    I'm 26, he's 29 and in the last while or so we both have kind of been thinking of settling down, getting married, house and kids etc etc
    The problem is I'm worried about about the kind of life we will have together with him working away every week and even more what kind of life it is for kids to not see their father from one each of the week to another. At the moment, we both do find it hard not seeing each other as much as we'd like and Monday mornings sure aren't fun, but I can only see this getting harder as time progresses.
    He loves his job, and is very good at it and I'd hate to put him into a position that would mean he would have to give it up and do something he doesn't like for me. Some of the other lads he works with have wifes and families so he doesn't think it will be overly problematic but I'm just not sure if it the type of life I would like long term.
    I absolutely love and adore him, and know he would be a great father and husband, and without a doubt, want to be with hime for the rest of my life. We have talked about it, but like I said he doesn't see it being a problem (going on the experience of the others he works with).
    I don't want to break up with him but I don't see the life I want with him the way things are either
    Apologies if I rambled, any advice???


Comments

  • #2
    Distorted
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,064 ✭✭✭Distorted


    I think it would be good if you became more independent. Lots of couples don't see each other for a bit, espeically in their twenties when you are building up your career. Since his colleagues have wives and children, it proves its managable, and people's jobs tend to change over time. If not, then theres no law saying you have to stay in the same job all your life.


  • #3
    kerryman12
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 940 ✭✭✭kerryman12


    Hi Op

    I can relate to this from the perspective of the one being away all of the time. Having said that at the moment I am back home again most of the time. Up to the point where we got married I never really though about it - being away that is. I missed all of our engagement, being away 4/5 nights a week, herself was not best please. When my job is good, its great and I love it. The bad days cant be crappy.

    I always knew/expected to have to look for a change when kids came on the scene. I will need to be at home to support my wife, but also I dont want to miss my kids growing up - there are more important things in life than work.

    Based on your post it seems you have talked about this a bit with the BF, I think you need to talk to him again and explain that you have concerns about your future. I know you dont what him to have to change/give stuff up, but if you guys get married and have kids then both of you will have to make sacrifices and compramise. If you both want marraige/kids ye both need to be on board with that plan and commited to making it work.

    Best of luck


  • #4
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Hey OP,

    I was in a similar position to you (only a bit younger). I work abroad for 4 weeks at a time and then get 4 weeks at home. This was extremely difficult on my relationship for obvious reasons. After going out with my girlfriend for 5 years and working in this job for the last 2 of those, she decided it wasnt the life she wanted and broke my heart.
    I only wish she had told me how she was feeling instead of bottling it up inside her and eventually running scared. She did not want to force me to quit my job with the way things are in Ireland now.
    Just please talk to your boyfriend about how your feeling, and then talk some more!!
    I know you think its hard right now but there is no such thing as a relationship that does not require effort to keep it healthy.

    Best of luck


  • #5
    mayogirlie
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 36 ✭mayogirlie


    Dear Op,

    I don't have the same experience of the nature of the problem as some of the other posters here but do have one quote/piece of advice that I heard once that might help in the situation.

    You don't marry the person you can live with - you marry the one you can't live without.

    Your heart picks the one you love, it doesn't pick their job. If you have a hard time imaging life without this man - well then, he's probably Mr. Right.

    Hope that helps and that all works out for you guys xxx


Advertisement