A dignified exit...Boards...not real life

stevejr

I've been reading through a lot the most most popular threads in the feedback forum and other system fora, lots of interesting stuff there but one of the thread-types that interested me was the..."long goodbye threads".

I appreciate that if you're a long-time user( ie. contributor not reader) particularly if you've been or are a moderator, you may feel regretful at leaving or think you may repent at leisure, but I don't understand this culture of starting a goodbye thread to mark your departure...particularly when you are not absolutely convinced that you are leaving and fully intend to return.

I would like to state that I'm absolutely not having a go at any users/mods past or present but I think the phenomenon is analogous to organizing a fake funeral for yourself and then turning up to revel in the grief...wierd.

IRL(In Real Life) Dignity for me equals saying the least when it matters most,..thereby making the best point...I just don't see the point in these threads.

Insect Overlord

There hasn't been a big one in two years or so...

stevejr

Ah I didn't really check the latest ones. Sorry if this has been asked before. Do you get my point though?

Insect Overlord

Yeah, I know what you mean.
They used to be common enough around here. Elaborate "goodbye" threads and attention-seeking "10,000th post" threads and stuff like that, I mean. The Feedback forum has changed a lot though. It used to be madder than the Cuckoo's Nest in here! But changes were made to improve it. They needed to be made really, to deal with how the site as a whole has changed and still is changing.

stevejr

Cheers IO, didn't know that it wasn't prevalent anymore. It just struck me while reading those threads that a final parting shot like that would sort of be a selfish way to leave...

Insect Overlord

stevejr wrote: »

Cheers IO, didn't know that it wasn't prevalent anymore. It just struck me while reading those threads that a final parting shot like that would sort of be a selfish way to leave...

No problem at all.

I used to spend a lot of time reading the archives here. I picked up a fair bit of the site's history from some of the older threads. Looks like those hours of boredom-induced lurking finally produced something of value!

I think some of those threads you're talking about were moved out of here to the Recycling Bin to further discourage them. They're just part of the folklore now, mostly.

Morag

It is only recently that it was possible to close an account so that the pms were turned off and the account marked as inactive. Before that a so long thread was a way of letting people know that a person had left the site and would show up when someone looked at the last posts of the account rather then people wondering and pming an account which no one was logging into any more.

bernardo mac

Interesting point Stevegr.Such farewells do smack of self indulgence.I'd like to leave this not so fair land,but to do so would be to leave family.Therefore I hesitate.Yet would declare my intended departure to vent anger and unhappiness and a desire to escape but am too fond of that which imprisons me emotionally.

Sarky

Insect Overlord wrote: »

It used to be madder than the Cuckoo's Nest in here!

You lie. YOU LIE!

Insect Overlord

Sorry, I take it back! :eek:

seamus

A lot of posters, particularly if they've been around a while or posted a lot, would consider other regular posters to be friends of sorts, or if nothing else to be friendly acquaintances.

You wouldn't just stop talking to friends without telling them what you're doing. It's the real-life equivalent of sitting in the pub having the craic, but then just leaving without a word while everyone else is at the bar.

While you have the "boards is not real life" mantra, you have to remember that there are real people behind the avatars who are for the most part protraying a genuine version of themselves online. It's not 4chan or p.ie where people try their best to the wacky, outgoing or offensive person that they can't be in real life. Some people do of course, but most don't.

So someone who has decided to jack it in probably feels like it's rude or disrespectful to simply disappear without saying "seeya" to people whom they've gotten to know during their time.

"Seeya" threads are more common now in the individual forums than in feedback because many people only interact with one or two forums rather than the whole site.

On top of that, people will get genuinely worried for someone's safety if they simply stop posting. I'm not joking. Remembering that there's an actual person behind the avatar, it's very reasonable to become concerned when that person stops posting without a word.

Beruthiel

stevejr wrote: »

Ah I didn't really check the latest ones. Sorry if this has been asked before. Do you get my point though?

I cannot remember the last time somebody used Feedback to leave this place, but it was some time ago.
This site has totally changed since when I joined back in 2002. There was a lot less of us, a lot of us knew each other, forums were used differently and the slagging was par for the course.
Commenting on how people behaved here back in the day has no relevance to now, nor should it.

seamus wrote:

On top of that, people will get genuinely worried for someone's safety if they simply stop posting. I'm not joking. Remembering that there's an actual person behind the avatar, it's very reasonable to become concerned when that person stops posting without a word.

Yup. I'm pretty sure I've set up a thread wondering where someone had gone.

stovelid

Depends on the poster and the gripe, in my opinion of course. Some really are redolent of self-indulgence but the odd one raises valid points.

The sad thing really is that all of them seem to be quickly forgotten (as obviously the community doesn't revolve around a single person) so while it's amusing when it's a drama llama - or in recent times, genuinely toxic individuals - it's a bit was it really worth it when it's somebody decent.

cyberwolf77

Beruthiel wrote: »

Yup. I'm pretty sure I've set up a thread wondering where someone had gone.

I had one set up on me when I disappeared for a month or so(not by choice).

Dudess

stevejr wrote: »

I've been reading through a lot the most most popular threads in the feedback forum and other system fora, lots of interesting stuff there but one of the thread-types that interested me was the..."long goodbye threads".

I appreciate that if you're a long-time user( ie. contributor not reader) particularly if you've been or are a moderator, you may feel regretful at leaving or think you may repent at leisure, but I don't understand this culture of starting a goodbye thread to mark your departure...particularly when you are not absolutely convinced that you are leaving and fully intend to return.

I would like to state that I'm absolutely not having a go at any users/mods past or present but I think the phenomenon is analogous to organizing a fake funeral for yourself and then turning up to revel in the grief...wierd.

IRL(In Real Life) Dignity for me equals saying the least when it matters most,..thereby making the best point...I just don't see the point in these threads.

I can think of four or five people who started such threads, and four have come back (admittedly, not posting as regularly as they were, but they're still back). You can't really "leave" Boards anyway, you still have your computer/internet, your username is still here. It's not like there's some obstacle preventing you from "coming back". I find these threads cringey because the likelihood is the person will come back, so they're making a grandiose statement that they're likely to go back on. How can you know you definitely won't want to post to Boards in e.g. six months' time? You might have a grievance with the place but the likelihood is you'll be over it in a relatively short length of time. If you're not keen on the place, maybe pm your pals, maybe start a thread in a private forum if you're a member of one, but a Feedback thread is not a good idea. IMO.
It does come across as self-indulgent and self-important too - even if it turns out the person doesn't come back.

pablomakaveli

I hate those kind of threads tbh. They just come across as being attention-seeking and self indulgent and end up being among the worst circle jerk threads. A lot of the time the poster is back a few weeks later and nothing is said about their goodbye thread. Of course this isn't something unique to boards. I've seen it on other sites as well.

I don't really get why someone would give up a website for good given it's not a physical place and once they have an internet connection they can access it from any part of the world at their own leisure. Sure they might need to focus their attention elsewhere for a while but i don't see why they think they can never come back.

Spunj

Amp test

Jimmy the Wheel

Dudess wrote: »

You can't really "leave" Boards anyway, you still have your computer/internet, your username is still here.

If you're serious about leaving, you can scramble your password, denying yourself access, so your account is in effect dead.

Though, chopping off your e-peen can't be easy.gl

stevejr

Beruthiel wrote: »

Commenting on how people behaved here back in the day has no relevance to now, nor should it.

Beruthiel my OP was not intended to be offensive in any way to Boards members past or present I feel I was quite clear on that point. I fail to see why you find my comments irrelevant...particularly when one of the 'goodbye' threads happened in November 2009 which is hardly "back in the day".

Where the comment was relevant, at least to me, was that I was could not understand why someone one do a thread like this. Thank you Seamus for explaining the dynamics of how Boards worked in the past, regarding users leaving. I did not fully appreciate that aspect of it as you described. But wouldn't a simple PM suffice?

Wibbs

stevejr wrote: »

I don't understand this culture of starting a goodbye.I just don't see the point in these threads.

So? Don't read them. Simples. Not being a bollex about it but what you see as weird may not be for others and vice versa. Life lesson numero uno that one. They're not my bag either TBH, but I can see why they may be for others.

I can see why they may be useful in the case of a mod leaving though. I left modding PI, didnt say a word, no announcement. Like I said, not my bag. Yet I was getting PM's from users in PI requesting thread deletions, advice, all sorts. Now it tapered off after a while but I got one last month and two or three the previous. I haven't modded(and rarely post in) PI for well over a year at this stage. Feels longer. If I had to do again, even though I don't dig making a fuss, I'd fire up a brief announcement then lock it.

In any event like has been said it's been a looooong time since I saw one of these threads in feedback. You say there was one in '09, but you'd have to be looking specifically for those kinda threads. How come you found yourself looking for them? That seems weird to me. Then again like I said people differ so if that floats yer boat grand.

Tallon

Wibbs wrote: »

So? Don't read them. Simples.

Brilliant. Summed up in one line

seamus

stevejr wrote: »

But wouldn't a simple PM suffice?

Perhaps. But you risk missing someone who doesn't post often but does read your posts. Or simply forgetting to PM someone. It seems to me to be more egocentric to PM a group of people and say, "I'm leaving guys, seeya later". It's presumptious that they will give a ****. At least if it's posted publically, those who give a **** will see it, everyone else will ignore it.

Dudess

seamus wrote: »

On top of that, people will get genuinely worried for someone's safety if they simply stop posting. I'm not joking.

That is certainly true - I remember such a case myself. However, there's a difference between "Guys, I won't be posting for a while"/"I'll be posting a lot less from now on"/"I'm discontinuing modding"/"I'm discontinuing my membership of this private forum" heads-up threads which tend to get posted, as you say, in specialist forums where the person has become part of the community, and they would be most welcomed (e.g. it would totally make sense on something like the Photography forum) and starting melodramatic, flouncey "I'm LEAVING the entire site and NEVER posting again!!!" (often in a huff because of an axe to grind - or "Boards ain't what it used to be" sentiment) threads for all the site to see here on Feedback. Of those I remember, only one was true to his word. Another person said he reckoned he might come back eventually, but with a different username.

Wibbs wrote: »

So? Don't read them. Simples.

In fairness Wibbs, you could say that about anything. Those threads can descend into awful circle-jerkery (and the flipside - personal attacks) - should Boards.ie (the public part of it anyway) be a platform for that kind of pettiness? The circle-jerkery, the personal comments by those who dislike the "leaver", the accusations of circle-jerkery... they always just end up as a big squabble which gets closed by an admin anyway. Makes one wonder what the thread-starter's exact aim was...
But as I said, I'm not referring to all "leaving" threads, just the grandiose statement ones that get posted on Feedback.

Wibbs

Good points there Dudess. I agree with most of it too TBH. Thing is the last one in feedback according to the OP who's checked this happened near 3 years ago. If you joined four years ago and dropped into feedback twice daily from then til now you'd only see one. It's hardly regular nor current. And what does the OP want done about it? It's a non solution to a very rare problem.

Dudess

Definitely ones more recent than that - there was quite a few of them there... wouldn't have been even two years ago I'd say.
I suppose, to be fair, I'd agree with Stovelid in that it depends on the person and the thread and whether they're making valid points or just having an indulging session, but any of the drama llama ones with an axe to grind should be closed asap, I think.

AckwelFoley

My goodbye thread from the internet will be nothing to post home about.. no pun intended.

It will be probably done at 3am on a sunday night, with a bottle of Jameson and a pack of fags on hand.

It wont make sense, and it wont be worth reading, but it will be my last.

I dont envisage it happening anytime soon however...

My neighbour just murdered a prostitute..and my dog ate our hamster you might have heard it on the news... (about the neighbour - not the hamster) oddly the internet is my sanctity, not the other way around.

Tallon

That sounds like all your posts tbh Snyper :pac:

AckwelFoley

Tallon wrote: »

That sounds like all your posts tbh Snyper :pac:

Touche.

Gordon

Completely forgot about those goodbye threads, it's been so long since we've had one

Tallon

Well I don't see any thread, so can you's talk about something else?

stevejr

For you Wibbs to suggest that I not read a thread simply because I do not agree with it's sentiments, as you did earlier, is a bit oversimplistic and leaves you open to the same argument against you reading this thread...I'm not trying to be a smart-ass, just stating the obvious.

As Dudess and Malice have pointed out this phenomenon is not a "loooooong time" ago or "back in the day" occurence that respectively you Wibbs and Beruthiel have portrayed it to be. No problems there, but in the interests of accuracy you're both wrong. I also think you both may have missed the part in my OP when I referred to "other system fora" ie. this is not something which is unique to feedback.

I did not set out to be confrontational when starting this thread, it was merely to highlight an idiosyncrasy that I found unusual and quite frankly distasteful at the time

Seamus and other posters have moderated my view, but only insofar as I now understand why this happens, but as a reasonable viewer, it smacks of attention-seeking to me.

The only Caveat to this is when the long-goodbye-thread-starter actually holds true to their promise....a rare occurance by most accounts.

Beruthiel/Wibbs...you may reply to my argument by saying that everyone makes mistakes and these types of threads may be overlooked if the OPs have second thoughts...but that still begs the question, why start the thread in the first place if you are so sure that leaving is you're only option? ..there are other options.

So why do it? To be voyeuristic? Curiosity to attend your own leaving-do in the cloak of anonymity? Self-gratification? I don't know, but I think it's weird...hence my OP...

Everyone's entitled to their opinions. These are mine...now ye're talkin..:)

stevejr

Wibbs, you're post alienates a lot of users who are viewers of this forum.

Wibbs, why should Malice not be allowed highlight something which is relevant to this thread, particularly when his(malice's) comment did nothing to compromise the confidentiality of the thread to which you refer.

There is nothing wrong with what Malice posted, whether I agree with it or not...and I think you're pandering to your preferred majority in your disingenuous comments.

And Wibbs you did not acknowledge the point of Malice's Post, you went for the populist(as you perceive it) jugular....it's not smart and reflects badly on you IMHO.

Sharpshooter

stevejr wrote: »

why should Malice not be allowed highlight something which is relevant to this thread.

What Malice posted had nothing to do with this thread, more to do with another Forum.

stevejr wrote: »

There is nothing wrong with what Malice posted.

I disagree, the mod forum is a private forum and as such Malice should not have brought up any discussion from there into Feedback.

OP, I'm trying hard to understand why you started this thread.

IRL(In Real Life) Dignity for me equals saying the least when it matters most,..thereby making the best point...I just don't see the point in these threads

If you don't see the point, then why go out of your way to bring the matter up here, thus highlighting the threads you don't see the point of?

Beruthiel

I have cleaned up this thread and deleted some comments.

What goes on in a Private Forum is not up for discussion in Feedback.


stevejr
I do not know what your issue is here. This kind of thing happens very rarely. Certainly, rarely enough for it to be a problem or cause any kind of concern.
It's non issue in fact.

Dudess

Re the "I'm trying hard to understand what your issue is" replies: to be fair, Steve wrote lengthily explaining what his issues with this are.

Feedback isn't people's personal playground to host melodramatic goodbyes - such threads should be locked, IMO.

Morag

People quit for a range of reasons, some times they get fed up of the politics or how the site is at the time and then later how they feel changes, or the site changes(this place can be very changeable) or they get badgered to loging in again by friends or to check up on firends it happens.

Sometimes feedback is the place for the last bit of feedback you want to give if the reason you are quitting the site is due to an issue. Some times it's the only way to be heard, take a stand and put your account where your opinions are.

There is more to the site then say AH and Soccer and I guess it's possible for a person's boards experience to be so isolated to a few forum and for their encounters on boards to be so casual that they don't get the way others forum bonds on the site and what it can mean when those are serverd.

Tallon

Dudess wrote: »

Feedback isn't people's personal playground to host melodramatic goodbyes - such threads should be locked, IMO.

Disagreed, it is feedback

If someone came on and said, "I'm leaving boards.ie forever, Dudess, you can have my cat and wibbs can have me PS3" then sure, lock away

But if someone is saying goodbye and wants to state how the site has treated them over their time here, and to acknowledge the people who they have interacted with, feedback is 100% the place for it

Malice

It appears various posts have been deleted so I'll keep my response short. My original post was merely intended to show the various users who were saying they hadn't seen a goodbye thread that in fact there was one recently. I appreciate that private forum stuff is, as the name would suggest, private but given that I didn't mention any specifics I believed my post was okay.

Apologies for annoying/creating more work for people.

DeVore

I agree with the idea that if there is feedback in the post then it has worth but a great number of them I consider simply either egotistical "I'm not happy and I want someone to pay attention to my unhappiness", but some contain genuine feedback.

Personally I find them a bit weird but if we were to ban everything that is weird, might as well shut the site hahah...


DeV.

DeVore

Oh yeah, I have to laugh at the whole "Boards, its not real life" line....


We have about a dozen "Boards Babies" who would beg to differ (when they are old enough to type!).....


DeV.

RuggieBear

DeVore wrote: »

Oh yeah, I have to laugh at the whole "Boards, its not real life" line....


We have about a dozen "Boards Babies" who would beg to differ (when they are old enough to type!).....


DeV.

yeah and how many of them are yours....?:D

sioda

Only a dozen id be suprised by that tbh

NeedaNewName

RuggieBear wrote: »

yeah and how many of them are yours....?:D

Or tbh, considered "legitimate"

Amp leaving was bestest :rolleyes:

Dudess

NeedaNewName wrote: »

Amp leaving was bestest :rolleyes:

It certainly was.

pickarooney

I think there should be more Goodbye threads. I miss all the fun ones.