What Do You Think Her Problem Is?

LegacyUser

To cut a long story short, I asked out a female friend (Selma) last month, just asked her can we ever be more then friends, she said you re not really my type, which I completely accepted as I get everyone has a certain type they go for, we still hung out after it Selma still asked to meet up to hang out , now fast forward a month later, all of a sudden out of the blue shes distant/cold towards me, whenever Im out with my mates and shes out, she comes over to say Hi and talk to my mates but completely Ignores me, just last night she done the same again, however I was out dancing/ and grind dancing with a girl on the dancefloor, Selma seen this and soon put on her coat and left the place, my mate said she looked agitated as she left.

I have no idea whats her problem with me, I ask her out, she says no, I accept and move on, now the cold treatment all of a sudden.

Ickle Magoo

If you know her and don't know what the issue is then I'm not sure why you think we would?

As I see it you have two choices, you can either call her out on it and ask if there's an issue/what he issue is - or you can ignore it.

All the best. :cool:

Distorted

Do you do the grind dancing and also flirt with other women when she is around deliberately to get a reaction out of her?

LegacyUser

@ Distorted to answer your question, I don,t set out to flirt or dance with other women to get a reaction out of her, some nights she just happens to be out and be in the same club as I am, as she don,t come out too often, the only main reason why I dance with other girls regardless whether shes there or not is, I think Im perfectly entitled to move on with my life and find someone who will be Interested in me.

Taltos

The Dark Knight Forever wrote: »

I think Im perfectly entitled to move on with my life and find someone who will be Interested in me.

So I am really struggling to see what your problem is here then?
Can you elaborate what the issue actually is?

LegacyUser

Sounds like she's jealous. That doesn't necessarily mean she's interested, I have to admit I've felt a little pang of jealousy at seeing someone I've turned down getting together with someone else

IITYWYBMAD

Taltos wrote: »

So I am really struggling to see what your problem is here then?
Can you elaborate what the issue actually is?

I think the issue is that they were acquaintances, or had the same social groupings, and that he is connecting her very odd behavior towards him is in someway connected to the fact that he showed some interest in her. He probably feels uncomfortable when she acts in this manner, and is looking for the reasons why.

To answer your question OP, if she is acting in this manner because she is someway jealous, give her a wide berth and just let her get on with it. IMO jealousy is the most destructive of emotions, and hopefully she'll grow out of this childish behavior. If she doesn't, no skin off your nose tbh. Ignore her.

LegacyUser

@ Taltos read my original post, you see what my problem is with her then.

@ IITYWYBMAD you hit the nail on the head we are in a similar group of friends, myself and Selma had a kinda brother/sister type friendship very close, when I asked her about being more then friends, when she said no, she was still as normal/friendly towards me, then outa the blue shes cold with me, thats my issue with her the sudden coldness and no reason given, I know some will say contact and try sort it out, Im at two minds to contact her to sort it or wait till I meet her out again and call her aside to talk things through.

Distorted

Maybe she's got a bad impression of you? When she sees you with other girls in the club, and after asking her if you can be more than friends (not on a date though I presume?), she thinks you are a bit of a ladiesman?

LegacyUser

I recently found out why she was distant with me the last month-when I finally asked her why-she said she didn,t like a joke I said a few weeks ago which was

During a conversation she said she has a crush on a guy who drinks in Murphys bar- she went on how she wished he would approach her etc- I said as a joke he may approach you soon-Il put up your picture with your number in murphys for him to finally notice you then he call you.

When she said she was distant over that- I was like it was a just simple joke- ever since shes acting like she has a grudge against me-her birthday is next week-she Invited all mutual friends along, except me, I think Im at the point where I couldn,t be bothered anymore,that I should delete her from facebook, if she gonna hold a grudge over something so small, whats your thoughts?

Wagon

The Dark Knight Forever wrote: »

I recently found out why she was distant with me the last month-when I finally asked her why-she said she didn,t like a joke I said a few weeks ago which was

During a conversation she said she has a crush on a guy who drinks in Murphys bar- she went on how she wished he would approach her etc- I said as a joke he may approach you soon-Il put up your picture with your number in murphys for him to finally notice you then he call you.

When she said she was distant over that- I was like it was a just simple joke- ever since shes acting like she has a grudge against me-her birthday is next week-she Invited all mutual friends along, except me, I think Im at the point where I couldn,t be bothered anymore,that I should delete her from facebook, if she gonna hold a grudge over something so small, whats your thoughts?

Pfft, delete her. I had a mate like that until very recently, where every little thing I said was analysed and criticized even the joking around. We aren't talking now and it's like a weight off my shoulders.

To be honest, I had my money on that she got jealous when she saw you moving on with your life and dancing with other ladies, which you are entitled to do. She isn't interested in a relationship but wants to have someone she can talk to and cover all the boyfriend duties without the actual sex life, which is what she saw you as and now that you're moving on and not hanging around for that ****e because you have too much self respect, she's jealous.

Either way, I'd still be agreeing you should just cut contact. Sounds like a lot of had work and it's just not worth it. But fair play, you handled it well and you can walk away with your self respect intact

LegacyUser

I thought Id post one final update-after thinking it over I have removed her as a friend from facebook-whether she was really angry just over a small Joke or using that as a cover being Jealous that I moved on quickly from her Il never know-but thanx for your post Wagon-you got the hole in one about the boyfriend duties-she wanted me for when at the same time just being friends.

IrishGrimReaper

You did the right thing buddy, stick to your guns!

dr gonzo

I personally have little or no time for the silent treatment, i find it extremely childish and i always prefer when people just tell me when something is wrong, so good on ya for just being straight up about the whole thing. Also, considering the amount of posts on here from guys getting the run around in the friend zone its refreshing to see a chap take the plunge with the girl in question and move on, which is not to criticise those guys or women, its just good to see someone break ties when they're being treated badly or just dealing with general stupidity.

Norma_Desmond

It sounds like she doesn't want you but she doesn't want anyone else to have you either, that's what I think anyway.