What now?

LegacyUser

Hi,

I would really like some "outsiders" views on this one;

I was going out with a guy since August, when I was away on holidays he flirted with a girl and continued "sexting" her, being quite offensive to me in the texts. Basically, I found out recently and we're over. It's very hard for me, I really like him. Combined with this, we live together and go out with the same small group of friends (new town for us both).

The problem is, the girl he was sexting is very likely to join this small group some night....she knows I was his g/f. I would like to know what to do; do I leave the pub/club, do I say nothing and spend the night pretending everything is fine (it will really hurt me to see them flirting and more), or what????

OhMeOhMy

What an a**hole thing for him to do. Not only did he deceive you but bad mouthed the girl he was in a relationship with to this other girl

I guess if these people are truely your friends they are going to back you up and see that you have been wronged and you can take comfort in their emotional support. I'm not sure how well you know them if you have only been going out with this guy for 6 months and have moved to a new town

I suggest moving out of your shared accommodation with him asap. No need for excuses or apologies - just go. Retain your dignity and know that you are the bigger person in this situation

LegacyUser

Thanks for the help OhMeOhMy,

I'm afraid it's not that easy. The small circle of friends are all male, they don't know the whole story as they would only have given him a high five! So they know we've broken up, just not why. No emotional support there!

It's not possible to move out. And the living together isn't getting to me (I've asked that he doesn't bring ppl back, if he scores he should go to theirs), it's just dealing with this particular girl who was part of the break up.

OhMeOhMy

OP if those 'friends' would have given hom a high five then clearly they are not real friends of yours and do not have your best interests at heart

If I were you I would start distancing myself from that particular group and establishing my own life and new, trustworthy friends

Get out and do things. Sign up for some night courses, join a gym, do some volunteering, join some clubs. Start living for yourself and enjoying yourself and let this d**khead see that you don't need him

LegacyUser

Wow, are you being completely ridiculous?

When a relationship ends, it's important for one partner to give up the common group of friends.

Given the fact that these are all guys and have more respect for your ex, I think it's best if you distance yourself immediately from this group of "friends", get out of that ridiculous living arrangement and MOVE ON.

Why put your life on hold for an ex?

You are creating more problems for yourself here than he ever created for you.

Don't be a fool. Move on with your life and forget about this loser.

How do you ever expect to move on and find someone else if you still live and socialise with your ex??

If his actions with this other woman are liable to hurt you, then you obviously still have feelings for the ex. How could you not when you haven't properly left the relationship yet??

The relationship was very short term (only since august) so you have no good reason to remain this attached to the life you shared.

You have no kids, I assume no mortgage after such a short length.

MOVE ON NOW!!

mood

Why can't you move out? And why did you move in with him in the first place?

Des Carter

ohjeezyetagain wrote: »

When a relationship ends, it's important for one partner to give up the common group of friends.

Are you seriously saying that The OP has to abandon her friends because a 6 month relationship didn't work out???

Why would she have to stop being friends with other people because her ex was a d!ck. That makes no sense whatsoever.

LegacyUser

Sorry guys I suppose it wasn't explained correctly;

We ended up in a small (ish) town with a group of people, all at the one time. So the group of people are "friends" of us both. They happen to be all male, so therefore have more of a comradery (sp?) with him.

It is short term - I can move out in July, and it's likely we will both be going in different directions by then. We live in the same house, with 2 others, moved in with him before we were going out as there was 4 of us looking for a house, simples. (I don't need a lecture on relationships with housemates, I've learned!)

So, stuck where I am unfortunatley. I realise I have to go out looking for friends, I have been doing that since I got here, it's harder to make female friends than you think!

The problem I have is that it is going to happen; I am going to be out with the group, and she will try and join us. She fancies my ex, so will likely try it on. How am I supposed to react?

Batgurl

If drink is involved and you think you're likely to get emotional; leave and retain your dignity.

If you think you can handle seeing her throwing herself at him (sorry but thats what will likely happen), stay and enjoy yourself.

And if you feel like getting your revenge...score one of his mates

Simples!!!

mood

whatdoIdonext wrote: »

Sorry guys I suppose it wasn't explained correctly;

We ended up in a small (ish) town with a group of people, all at the one time. So the group of people are "friends" of us both. They happen to be all male, so therefore have more of a comradery (sp?) with him.

It is short term - I can move out in July, and it's likely we will both be going in different directions by then. We live in the same house, with 2 others, moved in with him before we were going out as there was 4 of us looking for a house, simples. (I don't need a lecture on relationships with housemates, I've learned!)

So, stuck where I am unfortunatley. I realise I have to go out looking for friends, I have been doing that since I got here, it's harder to make female friends than you think!

The problem I have is that it is going to happen; I am going to be out with the group, and she will try and join us. She fancies my ex, so will likely try it on. How am I supposed to react?

It sounds like you are renting so there is no reason why you can't look on daft.ie, find somewhere else to live and give your landlord a months notice. Why you didn't think of this your self s beyond me!!!

Also, who is this other woman who you think will try it on with you ex?

You can't keep hanging out with this group if it is having such a major effect on you.