limits to intimacy

LegacyUser

I have a bit of an embarrassing situation. I am crazy about my boyfriend who i've only been seeing a short time and we are starting to become intimate but I don't know how to tell him that I really don't like giving blow jobs to put it crudely; its just something I just do not like doing. Is this strange? and should I just do it to please him as he pleases me?

LegacyUser

Depends on the guy.

Obviously discuss it with him. I don't think you should be doing anything you find uncomfortable.

I hate giving them too, and some guys don't mind too much. If he likes you enough he won't want you forcing yourself to do something you hate.

LegacyUser

No you shouldnt feel that you have to at all! And if he is any kind of a decent bloke, he won't put pressure on you either!! I was with my boyfriend for 5 months before I felt comfortable doing it, he never brought it up, never pushed it, he got the shock of his life when I did it

I was in a relationship for 2 years before him and never felt comfortable doing it, mainly because my ex pressured me so much and never seemed to appreciate it when I did do it, I was only doing it to please him.

I think you should say it to your boyfriend, just tell him how you feel about it, and if he is a good guy he will be more than understanding. Never do anything that makes you uncomfortable, it will make you want to do it less and less. If he pushes you about it, you know he is not worth it. Any guy that truly cares about you is happy to be with you and you can both find other ways to pleasure each other until you feel comfortable to do it. And I can almost guarantee you if he treats you well and you can trust him, you will I never thought I would even manage to do it, not to mind enjoy it... Now I love doing it

Well it's always worth talking about it to him. Explain things so that he doesn't expect things you don't want to give him. If you feel you can make an effort to try, go ahead, but don't do anything you're not comfortable with.

I'm a bit weird about blow jobs too. I used to avoid it with my current boyfriend because he sometimes had that "all day activity" smell. Believe it or not I just said it to him, and at the thought of getting more frequent oral sex he now always knows to have a wash before he sees me if he wants one. Sounds quite unsexy to say it, but it's just something he does now, and it's certainly not unsexy once he gets his "reward".

LegacyUser

Like true-or-false said if its unclean or the taste puts you off, make sure he cleans it first. He won't mind. I would definitely mention it to him that your not a fan but I would grin and bear it once in a while if you can, that really depends though on how much you don't like them. I wouldn't refuse my partner pleasure even if I didn't like doing something, it would just be less often.

WhatWillBee

Oral pleasure is an integral part of sex for most people, so if I was with someone who didnt like doing it, Id be a bit upset. (Im a girl btw)

In saying that, I think that if you know your boyf enjoys it, you should try to figure out why you dont like it and if theres anything he can do to help, e.g. washing as another poster suggested.

I wouldnt however, tell him this in such a way like ' i hate it, but i suppose if i have to do it i will'. Id imagine that would be a MAJOR turn off, but do tell him things that he can do that will help. Try looking at it, like giving your partner pleasure gives you pleasure.

If you just cant face it no matter what, tell him but be prepared for him to refuse to do the same

common sense brigade

Ok Im A girl. And i think if i faced a life without the prospect of oral sex (unless for some medical reason) I would leave pretty quickly. I would never give my partner a blowjob to please him. I would give him a blowjob because i fancy the pants off him. its normal and healthy. i have heard alot of girls say they dont like giving guys oral and quite frankly i think they are a bit odd. Attack me at will! I consider myself normal and healthy and have lusty feelings. Also women who want oral sex but refuse to give it in return are completely selfish.

LegacyUser

common sense brigade wrote: »

Ok Im A girl. And i think if i faced a life without the prospect of oral sex (unless for some medical reason) I would leave pretty quickly. I would never give my partner a blowjob to please him. I would give him a blowjob because i fancy the pants off him. its normal and healthy. i have heard alot of girls say they dont like giving guys oral and quite frankly i think they are a bit odd. Attack me at will! I consider myself normal and healthy and have lusty feelings. Also women who want oral sex but refuse to give it in return are completely selfish.

Yes +1 to this. Oral is an act of giving and trust and very intimate and opportunity for play.

I have also heard a lot of women say they don't like it and I agree it is odd. And they make 'eewwwwww' noises when they talk about it.

I dont get it personally.

Elle Collins

common sense brigade wrote: »

i have heard alot of girls say they dont like giving guys oral and quite frankly i think they are a bit odd.

It's not up to you to frame the boundaries of what another woman finds sexually pleasurable or off-putting. Personally I think people who feel that's their right are a bit odd.

common sense brigade

It's not up to you to frame the boundaries of what another woman finds sexually pleasurable or off-putting. Personally I think people who feel that's their right are a bit odd.

I didnt frame any boundaries for anyone - merely stated I find it odd that a woman would not want to have a full and proper sexual relationship with her partner. If you have a problem with oral sex, it is that ' a problem' and you probably need sex therapy

LegacyUser

I really don't like giving blow jobs to put it crudely; its just something I just do not like doing. Is this strange? and should I just do it to please him as he pleases me?

I guess it depends why you don't like doing it? I don't get this "i just do not like doing it", there must be a reason why? If its a smell/taste issue as has been already mentioned well then simply asking him to shower could solve the problem, if its a taste thing then he can try changing his diet or you can simply not swallow, or finish him off by hand.

The other reason could simply be you just aren't really really sexually attracted to him?
I know personally (i'm female by the way) that with some guys i had no desire to give them oral (and i do love giving oral) but it was just because i knew i wasn't really sexually attracted to them, but with a guy i'm really attracted to do it's like an automatic impulse to want to give him pleasure. Biggest turn off ever.

i have heard alot of girls say they dont like giving guys oral and quite frankly i think they are a bit odd. Attack me at will! I consider myself normal and healthy and have lusty feelings. Also women who want oral sex but refuse to give it in return are completely selfish.

I'd agree with this, i think it's just one of those things that's seen as "ewww" by some woman for no real reason other than their peer group decides its "icky" and so it becomes seen as "dirty" or "gross" to that woman. Never understood this myself, it reminds me of being in primary school and thinking boys had cooties and kissing them was gross or when you were a child and you wouldn't eat your vegetables simply because "you just didn't like them" it just seems silly.

I will say this OP if giving blow jobs is truly an issue for you for a valid reason, then don't do it just to please him, there's nothing that's more of a turn off than a partner who is not enjoying what they're doing, and no matter how much you think he won't notice you don't like it, trust me he will know. I used to date a guy once who hated going down on women but did it just to please me and it made me feel so awful, it felt like i was punishing him.

You should just tell him, you might find he can live without oral, but if it is a deal breaker for him then its best to find out know rather than dragging out a relationship where ye're just not sexually compatible.

LegacyUser

but with a guy i'm really attracted to, it's like an automatic impulse to want to give him pleasure. Biggest turn off ever*.

*Turn on i mean

Elle Collins

common sense brigade wrote: »

I didnt frame any boundaries for anyone - merely stated I find it odd that a woman would not want to have a full and proper sexual relationship with her partner. If you have a problem with oral sex, it is that ' a problem' and you probably need sex therapy

I am not sure whether the 'sex therapy' suggestion was directed at me or the OP here, but either way this is a deeply offensive post.

Again: you do not have the right to frame the boundaries of what another woman finds sexually pleasurable or off-putting - nor do you have the right to diagonse 'sex therapy' for any women just because her sexual urges are not in line with your own.

Your seriously immature view on the matter suggests a woman who has a lot to learn about sexual intimacy, to be honest. There is a lot more to sexual expression than shoving a cock in your mouth.

common sense brigade

There was no insult intended. Its my opinion that oral sex is normal and healthy. And that if anyone has a problem with oral sex maybe they should investigate as to why they dont like it. Of course if a couple is happy not to partake in oral sex that is fine and their choice. Many people can live together happily and never even have full intercourse and are happy. Thats agreed. But if you are in a relationship and recieving oral sex yourself and decide you dont want to return the favour as it where, thats highly selfish. My opinion only. And probably most people would agree with me. Now if your frightened of oral sex or there is some deep seethed reason you dont want to do it then you need therapy.

Your seriously immature view

It is not immature to think its normal to want to give oral sex

There is a lot more to sexual expression than shoving a cock in your mouth.

Sure there is , but for the partner it must be extremely boring and soul destroying living with a person who is so closed off sexually

Ickle Magoo

Elle Collins & common sense brigade infracted.

Dragging threads off topic by throwing around petty insults or posting just to squabble with another poster is expressly against the forum rules - if you wish to continue the conversation, take it to PM.

If anyone has an issue with a post or poster please report it rather than dragging the thread off-topic and if posters have nothing in the way of constructive advice to offer the OP then kindly refrain from posting.

Many thanks.

LegacyUser

When it comes to sex there really is no right or wrong (assuming we are talking about consenting adults of course) everyone has different things that they enjoy or that they may be uncomrfortable with. Once both partners are happy and feel their needs are being met then there isn't a problem.
There is nothing wrong with not liking oral sex, in the same way that there is nothing wrong with not liking anal, or bondage or any other kind of sex you can think of.
You just need to sit down with your partner and talk it through and come to some agreement where both are getting what you want. Explain to him how you feel and see where it goes from there. When it comes to sex communication is key.

Count Duckula

I wouldn't worry - I'm sure there are plenty of girls (and boys) out there who find the thought of fellatio unpleasant. It's nothing untoward, and it's entirely your own preference. If your boyfriend kicks up a fuss, then I'd argue that it shows he has a lack of respect towards your opinions and your body.

I also would like to take issue with the common male attitude of "well, you'd expect me to give you oral sex, so you should give me some". This is also demeaning and insulting. Firstly, just because the man might be comfortable with the idea of oral sex, doesn't mean his partner should be. Secondly, giving oral sex to a female is decidedly different than to a man. Not only does it not conclude with a foul-tasting fluid (sorry to be so graphic) which is enough to put anyone off, but it's far more important in a sexual context. A man will enjoy and obtain orgasm from sex; a woman will not. A man does not need oral sex to achieve the heights of sexual pleasure, but a lot (the majority) of women do.

Johnny Favourite

Getting head is a deal breaker for me. I could never settle down with a women who did not give me head. No head for the rest of my life???

Ask him to take a shower before hand and don't let him cum in your mouth...

Best of luck

LegacyUser

I also would like to take issue with the common male attitude of "well, you'd expect me to give you oral sex, so you should give me some". This is also demeaning and insulting. Firstly, just because the man might be comfortable with the idea of oral sex, doesn't mean his partner should be. Secondly, giving oral sex to a female is decidedly different than to a man. Not only does it not conclude with a foul-tasting fluid (sorry to be so graphic) which is enough to put anyone off, but it's far more important in a sexual context. A man will enjoy and obtain orgasm from sex; a woman will not. A man does not need oral sex to achieve the heights of sexual pleasure, but a lot (the majority) of women do.

Do not agree with this at all!!!, i'm a female, hate to burst your bubble but i can orgasm from sex!
The majority of women need oral to orgasm?? ehhh not me! In fact oral does nothing for me at all, feels nice, but will never make me come.

If anything i would imagine oral sex on a woman is far more unpleasant than on a man.
A woman has the choice to not swallow, or not let the man ejaculate in her mouth if she wishes. When a man is giving a woman oral there's unavoidable "fluid" because she's aroused, a man can't choose not to taste/swallow this "fluid".

Also i wouldn't personally describe ejaculate as "foul-tasting", yes it varies from man to man but foul is a bit of a stretch, it's always just tasted like very very strong sea water to me! And who's to say female "fluid" tastes any better!

I wouldn't worry - I'm sure there are plenty of girls (and boys) out there who find the thought of fellatio unpleasant. It's nothing untoward, and it's entirely your own preference. If your boyfriend kicks up a fuss, then I'd argue that it shows he has a lack of respect towards your opinions and your body.

Yes it is entirely her own preference, but it's also her boyfriends own preference if he decides that he doesn't want to settle for a relationship in which part of his sexual needs aren't met. He is not in the wrong for enjoying oral sex! It doesn't make either of them right or wrong. It doesn't mean he's being disrespectful towards her, it simply means they are sexually incompatible.

And I think the OP owes it to him to tell him sooner rather than later so he can decide if he wants to continue the relationship or not tbh.

Count Duckula

I agree that it's his choice! My point is that if he can't accept that she doesn't want to give it to the point that it ends the relationship, then that's his choice - but there's no way he should maintain the relationship and make her feel under pressure to acquiesce. If she doesn't want to she doesn't have to, and it's choice as to whether that's a problem or not.