How to leave husband & overcome financial strain

flowers

My sister is in a very difficult situation with her husband, however Im sure many people have been in her shoes, therefore Im on here looking for advice.

She is a stay at home mother, and he is the provider for the family, earning quite a lot of money and a majority of it being cash (problem - no way to prove what he earns).

Basically she wants to leave her husband as she is so so so unhappy with him, hes began name calling, and bullying her, but there are 2 things stopping her:
No. 1 - She has to think of ther children (what it will do to them)
No. 2 - She has not a penny to her name.

The children are mad about their father, not because he spends time with them, not at all, but he buys them expensive gifts and wins much of their love from him spoiling them, something that my sister cant live up to in that respect.

If they were to seperate there is no way for her to prove all the money he earns and he'd hide it almost anywhere he could.

Question is, what is she entitled to, I know there would have to be maintenance put in place but what willl the girl live on until that happens.

Also she afraid that the children will turn against her, as im sure he fill their heads with stories, which will be a terrible thing to do in the first place. Instead of caring for the children he will look for ways to hurt her even more than he has.

How does she prepare to leave, whats the smartest thing to do???

Id appreciate any help out there??

Count Duckula

With the children in mind she has to consider that, whether they love him or not, a man that treats his relationships so poorly is likely to have a terrible affect on their lives and their ability to trust people adults.

Does she have no one she can turn to, at least so long as she can get on her feet?

flowers

She has me and our mum to turn to, but unfortunately we cant support her financially at all. Finding it hard enough myself to pay the bills. He will more than likely leave the house, but how will she pay the ESB, Oil heating, for food, kids clothes, running a car etc... the list is endless.
Also shes afraid of all the mouthing he will do about her, shes private and would not open up to just anyone, but he'll put a twist on his story and have everyone feeling sorry for him.
When she met him she had a good job years ago, then they had their first child she had to give up her job, when they moved county. he never wanted her to work and more over she has not been out properly in years, he's jealous so he'd go cracked if she ever went out, ringing her and ringing her..
Shes a stunner, but now after all this lacks confidence.

LegacyUser

Find out who is a reputable family law solicitor in your area and get her to make an appointment for an initial consultation.

People here can't give you proper advice. A family law solicitor can. And one appointment won't break the bank.

jimmycrackcorm

Have they tried marriage counselling?

Replies here normally only judge one side and assume everything is one parties fault when usually there are faults on both sides.

Slydice

I haven't a clue as to the rules of social welfare... but woundn't she at least be entitled to single parent allowance?

yerrg

its a very hard sitution for her to be in. she would be able to get single parents allowance and help from st vincent de paul if she needs it . but there are two sides to every story so maybe they should try family mediation service ? maybe they can meet each other half way or some thing . and another thing what difference if he is mouthing about her if she is not in the wrong ?

Diddler1977

flowers wrote: »

He will more than likely leave the house, but how will she pay the ESB, Oil heating, for food, kids clothes, running a car etc... the list is endless.
.

She is leaving him. Why would he have to leave the house?

She needs to make considerations as to where she is going to live. Will she take the children or will she leave them with him?

Perhaps she could contact the local council and see whether they would be able to house her.

As others have suggested perhaps they should look at counselling.

Just to clarify, are you suggesting that your sister will tell the husband to move out of the house because she wants the marriage to be over????

ash23

What did she do before she had children? Can she return to work?

Many single parents manage to pay for a house, car, oil, ESB etc on one wage. It all depends on what her earning power is.

She cannot force him to leave the house but the house can't be sold until the youngest is 18 or has finished their education.
He is obliged to pay maintenance to her for the children if she is going to be the main caregiver. She can also look into One Parent Family Payment and if she is working, family income supplement, one parent tax credits.

I'd advise her to go to her community welfare officer and her local citizens information centre in order to find out where she stands.

She also has to weigh it up. I remember when I became a single parent, looking at my income and outgoings and thinking I could nver live on the balance. But I can and I am. And happiness makes living a frugal lifestyle bearable.

Smashhits

Flowers,
From someone whose done a lot of research into this recently tell her initially contact a family law solicitor who will advise her of all options. I went to one last year who didn't charge me anything for this initial meeting.

If finances are an issue tell her look into www.legalaidboard.ie
She may qualify for free legal aid to continue with judicial separation.

As previously said tell her contact the citizens information centres also.
Good luck