Lost..

LegacyUser

I'm a regular-ish user here but some people know me in real life so going as a guest for this one.

I don't really know what the problem is. On paper I have nothing at all to complain about - I'm healthy, have a fantastic husband, family, friends. We're blessed in that we both have jobs and are not struggling financially. I know I'm lucky and I am grateful for what I have.

I hate my job. I don't feel bad for saying it or feel I should be grateful I still have one, which is usually the response I get if I say it to anyone. They say, 'sure aren't you lucky to have it, I don't know anyone who loves their job'. The job isn't remotely interesting, it's not challenging in any way, I turn up, do my bit which I could do with my eyes closed, and go home. I spend 3 hours a day commuting.
Last year I got married, and I think I didn't really notice how unhappy I am at work before because I was so pre-occupied with organising and planning for the wedding.

I don't mean to just moan! I just feel.... useless. There's no point to my day, as I write this (in work) I'm just sitting here waiting for lunch, then I'll come back and wait until it's time to go home. I'm not looking for a miracle, I know I am the only person who can change my situation. It's not just this job though, it's work generally. I could move jobs, but I'd be moving to the same thing. I feel like I'm wasting my life and yet I have no idea what to do about it. I'm not qualified for anything else. When I wake up in the mornings to get up for work I try and think of one good thing to look forward to in the day and can't. Apart from getting home again.

Sorry for the ramble. I feel better now even for typing this out. I just wish I knew what I wanted to do about it.

Ickle Magoo

What do you want to do?

Life's too short to be miserable, work out where you want to be in five years and how you can get there - at least then you will feel pro-active. I think sometimes it's the sitting around feeling trapped, helpless and powerless that makes a bad job feel a million times worse. You've already said you know it's up to you, so you are well aware you aren't helpless or powerless - so, write your life objectives, map a way of getting there, insert them into a reasonable time-line and get going!

All the best. :cool:

seamus

No you shouldn't feel bad about it. Just because you need a job doesn't mean you should grin and bear it.

There are a lot of people in similar situations. They perhaps took a job to gain a little experience in one field or to cover them for a while but then the recession hit and they found that they're stuck in a job which they need, but they hate.

With hiring, pay and promotions freezes on, the problem is compounded because not only can you not move jobs, but your employer can't/won't make it more interesting; you can't be promoted and your scope for training or expanding your role are limited by cash.
So many people are in the job a few years longer than they should really be, know it inside-out and as a result are completely unchallenged and disinterested in the work.

I think all you can do for the moment is to try and expand your opportunities and interests yourself. If there's a particular thing you would like to do, then look at ways to break into that. If that requires a year or two of various training courses and volunteer work, then maybe that's what you need - view your current job as a necessary evil to help you work towards what you want.

You might want to get out of what you're doing at the moment completely. That's OK. It doesn't necessarily mean you need to start at the bottom or go back to college to do something else.

But until you actually know what it is you want to do, it's going to be even harder to stay doing something you hate. At least if you have a goal, you have focus and the current job is means to an end.

LegacyUser

Guys thanks so much for your replies. It's nice to know that other people might be in the same boat.

You're right, I really need to try and make a decision about what to do. Maybe it's because I feel like it's the normal thing to want a 'career' as such, but I don't know if I do?
I think I just want to feel like I have a purpose!

I think it's the not knowing that's worse!

kerryman12

Hi OP

I dont know what you do or what your employer is like, but maybe you could talk to your boss. Maybe you could move within the organisation or change role or something?

You mention that you are married, but dont mention kids etc. Maybe now is a good time to think about going back to college or FAS or whatever - of course you will need to sit back and figure out what you want for yourself first.

A 3hr commute is a killer each day. That would piss anyone off. I am thinking about a change and would be looking at exactly that - a serious draw back.

I have had this debate with others here in the past ie a "job" versus a "career". My simple way of looking at things is that if you have a job you need to fill in your life with other stuff, hobbies etc. If you have a career then what you do 9-5 is of course more important to you. In the end my opinion would be that most careers end up being a job at some stage anyway so you should plan accordingly.


Best of luck

Cgoodie

Hey OP,

I've kind of been in a similar situation to yourself lately (except the married part!)

I'm in a job now that I'm not happy and I have been drifting for quite a while just dreading the thoughts of going to work and counting down the hours till home time. An incident at work a few weeks back has made me sit up and realise that I'm wasting my life doing something I'm not happy with and that life is too short to spend being unhappy.

I'm still in the job but I'm applying for other jobs at the moment just to try get out of where I am as the environment is not good for me. But I am also looking at what it is that makes me happy and what excites me to see what I can work at that will make me happy and fulfilled.

Maybe if you start to think about the things that make you happy and what excites you most - write them down and see if you can make a job/career out of it. Or perhaps look at seeing a career guidance/life coach type person.

Best of luck anyway:)

LegacyUser

Thanks for your replies
I feel a lot better I'm glad I posted here!

Kerryman - re the FAS courses, can you get accepted to them even if you are working, or if you leave your current job?

Cgoodie - thanks for that. I hope you find something else soon - I know exactly how you feel counting down the hours until you can go home. I break it down into sections - 8-10.30 then get tea, then get to lunch, and then get the last couple of hours over with! It's so bad to be wishing your life away.

I really want to leave here, the commute is a big downside, but the problem here is that if we get pregnant then I will have some good maternity benefits here, whereas if I leave I may not be so lucky. That sounds bad doesn't it?
We'd love to get pregnant, but it could realistically take months or longer. Can I last that long in this job and commute? Is it worth it? I don't know!

I think I need a project to focus on so I have decided to look into doing some night courses in something I have an interest in, or I'm even considering repeating some Leaving Cert subjects for a possible career change.
Either way I do feel more positive today so thanks so much for your kind replies, I appreciate it.

RedXIV

lost_girl wrote: »

Thanks for your replies
I feel a lot better I'm glad I posted here!

Kerryman - re the FAS courses, can you get accepted to them even if you are working, or if you leave your current job?

Quite a few FAS courses are online based, some are a mix of online with the odd lecture here and there. The ones during the day might not suit you if you're working but in general there's plenty of choice there

lost_girl wrote: »

I really want to leave here, the commute is a big downside, but the problem here is that if we get pregnant then I will have some good maternity benefits here, whereas if I leave I may not be so lucky. That sounds bad doesn't it?
We'd love to get pregnant, but it could realistically take months or longer. Can I last that long in this job and commute? Is it worth it? I don't know!

The problem with this is you're living for "what ifs". My job has a few perks, one of the best being a really good life assurance policy. And then when I stopped to think about it, thats not a good reason for me to stay in a job. You may get worse benefits elsewhere but you may also be much happier going in to work which in my mind more than makes up for this

lost_girl wrote: »

I think I need a project to focus on so I have decided to look into doing some night courses in something I have an interest in, or I'm even considering repeating some Leaving Cert subjects for a possible career change.
Either way I do feel more positive today so thanks so much for your kind replies, I appreciate it.

Projects are amazing. I tried to start a buisness two years ago and failed miserably but learned loads, now I can't sit down without trying to think of a new get rich quick scheme. Having something like that to focus on will give you great personal satisfaction, especially if you start to see some results.

I wish you all the best!

kerryman12

HI Op

Kerryman - re the FAS courses, can you get accepted to them even if you are working, or if you leave your current job?

I dont know I have to default to redxiv, you should ring them up and have a chat. I think you are always better to ring up rather than just check online.

I really want to leave here, the commute is a big downside, but the problem here is that if we get pregnant then I will have some good maternity benefits here, whereas if I leave I may not be so lucky. That sounds bad doesn't it?

no not at all - that sounds practical to me. you will be glad of the benefits - problem is the commute.

We'd love to get pregnant, but it could realistically take months or longer. Can I last that long in this job and commute? Is it worth it? I don't know!

That is the real problem as I see it. It will be ok while you are on maternity but on the other side - assuming you work 8.30 - 5, then you will be out of the house alot while the baby is young. Can you OH do the dropping and collecting? That is something the two of ye have to talk about - a lot.

Only you can decide if it worth it or not.

Yea you need something to focus on, either at work or outside of it.

Best of luck

LegacyUser

Why don't you look for another job in the sector you work in? Or try to find a job nearer to where you live. There is always hard things in life in some way, shape or form at some time or another which a person struggles with. You do have alot you said you have a good family, friends, husband etc. I don't have as much as you of those things and I don't have a job either. my life is very lonely and isolated but im glad to be alive and I try to make what I can of it and it takes alot of effort, work and stuggle to improve it. I believe what God takes from you he gives you back something better at another time. You should try to look for a job nearer to your home. Maybe find out why you don't like the job your in, maybe its the people you are working with like personality clashes or attitudes etc? If there is that is their problem. Anyways I hope you find a good job you are happy in.

Desert Rose

I am sure there are lots of people who feel the same. I understand you, I have a job a monkey could even do! There is no challenge whatsoever I learn no new skills, it can be quite repetitive and it can be physically tiring. I don't have the 3 hour commute though which is good. It wouldn't be worth a 3 hour commute and I would have no time for myself which would make me feel even worse. So I totally understand and feel I am in the same boat!

eddison

Hi OP,



Have you thought of starting your own business? Seems daunting, but it is really simple. You don't need huge capital, or amazing skill etc etc. Life is what we make of it- what we decide gives the results we experience.
The important thing if one is setting up their own business, is looking for the right one. This is really simple, but you must keep looking, and looking, and searching.
What is also important is deciding the type of business you want. Do you want one that requires allot of capital?
Do you wish for a business that requires large amounts of time?
OR one with long hours?
Or hard work?

Can I recommend searching for a business that you really love doing, one with at least 50% more income than your present work. A business that you feel excited to be doing, and has potential to grow, and grow.

There are dozens of such businesses, if one opens ones eyes. The Internet opens huge possibilities unlimited compared to the early 90's or 80's.
Think about it... could it be possible? do you dare to dream?