Sound engineering and girlfriends.

off.the.walls · 20-02-2011 4:26pm #1

Personally I find that in this line of work, while working late, getting up late and such that relationships do slightly start to get a little bit dimished. Luckily my girlfriend is grand with this but is there anyone else out there who finds that being a sound engineer either live or in a studio impacts your love life?.

DamagedTrax · 20-02-2011 4:32pm

speaking from a very recent breakup of a 5 year relationship, women and engineering = nightmare. thats all i can say without getting angry

Shuggana · 20-02-2011 4:42pm

Decided to spend last weekend with the missus rather than do some sound engineering assignment for college. I could've gotten so much done. If I had done the songs then she'd have moaned about not spending time with her. There's no way at a win-win for me.

I'm sure it's the same for female engineers, probably worse even. I'm sure most lads would go on a mad one cos their girlfriend has chosen to mix a track instead of getting in bed with him on the weekend.

off.the.walls · 20-02-2011 4:59pm

By the way lads and ladies no slagging in here! this is a discussion where you can vent! so if someone vents something out no slagging it! Just thought i'd toss that in there.

DamagedTrax · 20-02-2011 5:54pm

Shuggana wrote: »

I'm sure it's the same for female engineers, probably worse even. I'm sure most lads would go on a mad one cos their girlfriend has chosen to mix a track instead of getting in bed with him on the weekend.

2 engineers would be a perfect fit. at least you'd both understand the strain that the job puts on your personal and social life.

madtheory · 20-02-2011 6:47pm

The problem is not confined to sound engineering, although it is a job where late nights are considered the norm, and it is a job that you do because you love, more than for the money. So it can be difficult to clock out, but that's completely your choice at the end of the day.

The way I see it, you can organise the live sound so that you know exactly when you start and when you stop. If the client demands more time at short notice, they need to get more organised and stop pushing you around. Of course there will be the occasional hiccup with get ins, just make sure the other half understands in advance that this is the nature of the job!

With studio stuff, I discovered long ago that pushing sessions or mixing til late is never effective. Best to come back in the morning fresh, and get the job done right in less time. It's not like the olden days where the problem of recall meant that it was usually best to finish a mix in one sitting. That's one massive advantage of ITB, which is why I tend to dismiss the OTB argument. Gotta have a life!

Just be careful about your priorities, you have to make a work/ life balance yourself.

seannash · 20-02-2011 7:56pm

Im not a pro guys but even working on your own music can be hard sometimes when you have a missus.
Right now my missus is unemployes so shes sitting around waiting for me to come home from work to entertain her which makes it nearly impossible to get any time for music
She does understand most times but i know i do have to make a concious effort to spend time with her.
Id normally tell her that i have to have something done by x day and tell her ill be busy doing it til then,this is normally followed up with a suggestion that she should get her hair did.

Cant really imagine what its like to be a pro but id imagine that it may be easier to fallback on the "its my job" excuse rather that the "its my hobby" excuse

DamagedTrax · 20-02-2011 8:34pm

seannash wrote: »

Cant really imagine what its like to be a pro but id imagine that it may be easier to fallback on the "its my job" excuse rather that the "its my hobby" excuse

you'd think so wouldnt you... but we're talking about women here and they're

(no offence to any ladies reading. you're all beautiful lunatics

)

seannash · 20-02-2011 8:55pm

DamagedTrax wrote: »

you'd think so wouldnt you... but we're talking about women here and they're

(no offence to any ladies reading. you're all beautiful lunatics )

Ha,well I've always imagined it would be a better excuse than ignoring her for a hobbie

DamagedTrax · 20-02-2011 10:04pm

your hobby is ignoring her? sweet hobby dude

dav nagle · 21-02-2011 10:28pm

My last girlfriend said to me 'your half the problem Dav with your job, okay like I am in school but you work weekends, like, who works weekends'?...

So snotty girls and sound engineers definitely dont work!

Going out with a girl in the same business as me, thats my next move, see how that goes for a bit.

studiorat · 23-02-2011 7:29pm

It's called a lifestyle career, or what the banks, insurance companies etc call it.
Back when I was doing 14 hour days for weeks on end my girlfriend at the time used to simply get lonely in the house on her own. You can't blame her really. But it's definitely an issue, in fact it's easier to be away and spend the quality time than it is to live together and keep completely different hours.

PMI · 24-02-2011 3:49pm

If they know from day one you are usually ok?!? if its a sudden life change it will be worse for them.....

mine should of gone years ago, doing 7 nights a week gigging at the mo in Feb :eek: but she's still here when i get home and sleep till 2pm etc...

I think the balance is, if its for work then fine but if it really doesnt have to be done today DONT DO IT !

studiorat · 24-02-2011 9:48pm

And then there's the money!!! They don't like the insecurity of the gig either. I remember coming back off one of the few holidays we managed to take, thinking I was arriving into a month long album gig. Only to find out it was cancelled, and I was facing a black hole work-wise until I sorted something else. Poor woman couldn't fathom it at all.

TheBigRedDog · 25-02-2011 11:40pm

I've kind of resigned to the fact that I would be a terrible boyfriend at this stage.... I'm doing electronic engineering full time in college, live and studio engineering on the side and a band. I'd hate to go out with me!

This life sucks/rules

dav nagle · 26-02-2011 12:25am

ah fuk em relationships are over rated

venture · 28-02-2011 5:34pm

I'm a live enginner but am in a very lucky suitation , my wife of 13 years is a stage manager so understands the hours i have to put in and the amount of time i am away especially in the summer, even better i have on occasion used her to run a stage for me , (even got a cheap rate ) .
The only problem there is when we work together we tend to have a few differences of opinion , often quite loudly at times it must be said .
but great suitation to be in , she even brings me a cuppa at work ......sweet

Pa the Blah · 03-03-2011 10:29am

jobs with unsociable hours/ touring, are not conducive to a long term relationship, eventually your partner will get tiered of you not being there, especially with touring work, being away for months on end is no fun for your partner, and generally the relationships that do work 'both parsons are involved in the same industry so they have a good understanding.
I'm 26 years in the live/touring world, plenty of notches on my failed stick, all due too my work... my current partner lives in France and works in the movie biz, so we lead similar lives it seems to be going along just fine

Nd64 · 06-10-2012 6:46am

I feel I need to give the woman point of you here.

I do understand my sound engineer bf hours and schedule. What I do not appreciate is him taking extra shifts and complaining of being tired. We have been for 4 years together, he is sound engineer since 2 years now.

I am a full time office manager and I used to wait for him preparing nice dinners.. then I found out that was not working. He would already have dinner during the gig and he would finished later than supposed to...
That was making my efforts useless and making me feel sad about it.

That's when I understood I had to take care of myself first.
I then developed my social life, going to dinners & drinks without him, doing sport on the evening etc.. I felt great.

Results: he works a lot, he is exhausted and feel let down by me
I am feeling good, even if I always need to explain why my bf is not coming to parties.

But I am so annoyed to hear that he is tired and not willing to go out, socialize.. I don't get it ? is Sound engineering a drug ? Why is taking extra shifts?
He always get a minimum of 5 days work, about 40-45 hours, but he always take an extra 6-8 hours shift.. Work-alcoholic!

Shuggana · 06-10-2012 1:29pm

Nd64 wrote: »

I feel I need to give the woman point of you here.

I do understand my sound engineer bf hours and schedule. What I do not appreciate is him taking extra shifts and complaining of being tired. We have been for 4 years together, he is sound engineer since 2 years now.

I am a full time office manager and I used to wait for him preparing nice dinners.. then I found out that was not working. He would already have dinner during the gig and he would finished later than supposed to...
That was making my efforts useless and making me feel sad about it.

That's when I understood I had to take care of myself first.
I then developed my social life, going to dinners & drinks without him, doing sport on the evening etc.. I felt great.

Results: he works a lot, he is exhausted and feel let down by me
I am feeling good, even if I always need to explain why my bf is not coming to parties.

But I am so annoyed to hear that he is tired and not willing to go out, socialize.. I don't get it ? is Sound engineering a drug ? Why is taking extra shifts?
He always get a minimum of 5 days work, about 40-45 hours, but he always take an extra 6-8 hours shift.. Work-alcoholic!

That seems like more of a personal issue than an issue of the job, to be honest. I've never known a sound engineer who wants to do MORE work

krd · 06-10-2012 10:16pm

Nd64 wrote: »

But I am so annoyed to hear that he is tired and not willing to go out, socialize.. I don't get it ? is Sound engineering a drug ? Why is taking extra shifts?
He always get a minimum of 5 days work, about 40-45 hours, but he always take an extra 6-8 hours shift.. Work-alcoholic!

There's a Chinese herbalist off Mary's Street.....I think you need to go talk to her. She'll give you something to put in his tea.

shayleon · 07-10-2012 8:39am

got used to the fact that whatever i do, she'll complain that i don't spend enough time with her and i'll feel that i don't do anything except house chores and walking the dogs. the truth is somewhere in between.