Stupid Girl

LegacyUser

The title says it all really! I've been seeing a guy for the past few months, not quite bf/gf but we've only been dating each other. It's been great- he's lovely, considerate, funny, kind and we get along great. I've met his friends, he's met mine etc- all going along swimmingly! Until this week of course!

We had a date arranged for Wednesday and he couldnt make it but let me know in good time to change plans. He rearranged it for Friday but again couldnt make it but let me know in good time. HE rearranged it for Saturday night and said he's call during the afternoon to finalise. I was busy all afternoon but had my phone on me. No call or text. I waited a little while before I rang him. No answer. Left a voice message and got ready to go out and had drinks with my friends in my house before everyone went out. No word from him at all. So I just sent a text saying " You get my message, thought we were going out tonight?". But heard nothing back. I dont want to try again to be honest. I feel like its a blatant lack of respect.

So I went out with my friends, had a good night but couldnt get my head around it. Still no word from him. He's usually on the ball with responding to calls/ texts!

I feel really stupid for letting my guard down and letting myself like someone for him only to p*ss off and ignore me like that. I thought that kind of game was for teenagers. I thought I knew how to pick them better. I feel really stupid about letting it get to me (I had a cry to myself when I came home). I just thought he was a nice guy & had forgotten what this bit feels like. I don't know what I did wrong

tenchi-fan

first of all, there could be a genuine reason why he didn't contact you. He could be on top of his head with a family emergency, he could be marooned somewhere without mobile phone coverage, he could be on life support in hospital.

All of these are possible. Unfortunately they're also unlikely. unless he has a really good excuse, beware of a silly excuse like "i was so tired I went to bed on friday and didnt wake up til monday)

It seems that he lost interest in you, flaked on plans twice already, and on the third time decided not to show up altogether. DON'T give him a 4th chance. This is how he acts at a time he;s meant to pull out all the stops to impress you. Imagine how he'd treat you if he views you as the ball and chain?

Hi,
I'd agree with the last poster - it's very disrespectful of him to act this way. And you say you've been seeing each other for months but are still not official? I'd move on if I were you.

John400

tenchi-fan wrote: »

first of all, there could be a genuine reason why he didn't contact you. He could be on top of his head with a family emergency, he could be marooned somewhere without mobile phone coverage, he could be on life support in hospital.

^I agree.

There could be a genuine reason why he couldn't contact you, something that was genuinely out of his control.

You've already said that he's on the ball when it comes to ringing/texting you so that indicates to me that he is genuinely interested in you.

I wouldn't be as pessimistic as others as it would strike me as somewhat odd that he'd deliberately ignore you if he gets on with you very well.

I'd give it a bit of time to see how things pan out at least.

MissOphelia

Garbage wrote: »

I feel really stupid for letting my guard down and letting myself like someone for him only to p*ss off and ignore me like that. I thought that kind of game was for teenagers. I thought I knew how to pick them better. I feel really stupid about letting it get to me (I had a cry to myself when I came home). I just thought he was a nice guy & had forgotten what this bit feels like. I don't know what I did wrong

This is horrible for you, but you've done nothing wrong.. don't beat yourself up for taking him at face value and thinking he was a nice guy. You're certainly not stupid, its his behaviour thats at fault here.

It's not only teenagers who pull stunts like this, some people never grow up and just don't have the liathroidí to say they've lost interest. Unless you hear from him and he has a genuine reason for playing silly beggars then put him in the box marked Lucky Escapes.
Be kind to yourself x

Semele

The sae thing happened to me with a guy I'd been dating fairly casually for a year. We saw each other every week usually and I had hopes of it going somewhere at first but then we quickly settled into a more casual thing, which I thought was still fine as we had a good time when we were together and as far as I was concerned we were both on the same page. And then I suddenly just got phased out! Always presumed that if he met someone else/wanted out that he'd have told me, even if it was just via text, as he was a really nice guy who didn't seem like he'd be an a*sehole.

But yeah...we had our usual weekly date, he walked me to the bus the next morning, had a kiss and said he'd see me soon. A few days later I texted him something chatty and got no reply. Not unusual in itself as he often forgot to reply if he was texted while in the middle of something. Tried again a few days later to see when he wanted to meet up again. Still nothing. Left the ball in his court, but by the next week I was actually quite concerned that something was wrong (like an idiot, I was so confident that he'd tell me if he didn't think we should meet again that it never crossed my mind I'd been dumped!) Then I got a really friendly text, apologising and saying he'd been having a nightmare at work but we'd meet later in the week. Was a bit angry, mostly just because I'd genuinely been getting worried, but gave him the benefit of the doubt. The day we were meant to meet came and I heard nothing. Texted him to see was he still on for it and heard nothing. Got a text far later profusely apologising again and explaining more about the awful work situation, which was now likely to last another week. So I told him to contact me when he was free...and you've guessed it, he never did!

I've never felt like such an fool, actually getting worried about his wellbeing when he was just deliberately ignoring me because he was too spineless to actually break up like an adult! I text him again when I hadn't heard from him in weeks to say (calmly!) that I presumed in that case we weren't going to be seeing each other again, but that I would have appreciated him having said how he felt rather than leaving me guessing. And I got an immediate reply, after weeks of silence, saying that everything was fine, he was just busy at work but would hopefully see me the next week. At which point I deleted his number! I couldn't believe that even then he was too conflict-averse to admit that he'd been ignoring me in the hope that I'd just go away and he wouldn't have to deal with it.

But my main point OP, is that I'm still embarassed at how much his behaviour affected me. It's almost a year later and I still find the memory far more painful than it should be, given that, while I liked him I certainly wasn't in love with him or anything. And yes, I had quite a few crying episodes as it became increasingly obvious that he never intended to contact me again. I still can't put my finger on what exactly causes the hurt- and it does still hurt, despite the fact that I met an amazing guy not long afterwards. It's just the fundamental lack of respect and the embarassment of just being dropped as though I was nothing. I still get nervous about the possibility of running into him, don't know how I'd feel/act.

Gah, anyway, I have no actual advice. Just wanted to say that I know how c*ap it feels, and how you inevitably wonder what was wrong with you that someone could treat you with so little regard for your feelings. I have come to realise though (largely due to my angry friends!) that the only person his behaviour reflects badly on is himself, for acting like a socially inept weirdo. Also that my behaviour in texting him the last time was not clingy, as there was nothing odd about wanting to gain clarity from someone I'd been seeing for a bloody year! Apologies for taking over your thread with my rant! I hope your situation ends better than mine did.

whatsamsn

tenchi-fan pretty much has it spot on.

Op, you've put the ball is his court more than once with contacting him. So its up to him to contact you now.

I wouldnt contact him again and be careful of any excuse he may give if there is contact again. You wouldnt be the first person to be told that something serious happened ... while the truth was he just wasnt arsed to meet up with you.

King of Kings

Garbage wrote: »

I feel really stupid for letting my guard down and letting myself like someone for him only to p*ss off and ignore me like that. I thought that kind of game was for teenagers. I thought I knew how to pick them better. I feel really stupid about letting it get to me (I had a cry to myself when I came home). I just thought he was a nice guy & had forgotten what this bit feels like. I don't know what I did wrong

no need to feel stupid. dating isn't a competition - he hasn't scored a victory over you by standing you up. He has behaved badly.

As said before you called / texted him - let him get back with a decent excuse or kick him to touch.

Motley Crue

Funny enough, same thing happened me a few years ago with a girl I was dating. She had met all my friends, I had met her's, and we were going out for a few months. It had never progressed to anything sexual or anything like that and, if I'm being honest, I was thinking about that at the time.

I had arranged a holiday with some workmates to Canada, it had been in the plan for about a year before I even met the girl, so she knew well in advance we were going. It was more of a cultural visit then a holiday (I never drank so it wasn't as if I was drunk every night at the bar)

Anyway, when I got back from Canada after being away about 2 weeks, she never returned my calls. I'd phoned her once while I was away just to say hello and we'd chatted about 15 minutes - nothing special - and yet the minute I got home I heard nothing from her. I taught something had happened, but never knew anyone to contact and would have felt stupid walking into a Garda station and reporting it, so I left it be.

About a year later she text me out of the blue. She never apologised, she just said she didn't know what she wanted. She'd apparently seen me on a bus somewhere and just didn't say anything. She said that she couldn't tell me face to face and I said she could have just told me it was over and I'd of accepted it (to be honest, I would have, I liked her but not loads) but she just didn't see the harm in walking away and never speaking to me again out of the blue.

I saw her once very soon again after that, in a club in town with some of her friends, but I was going to a gig that night so was just in the bar to use the toilets and had an excuse not to confront her. Besides, it wouldn't have been right with all her friends there. And I couldn't have been bothered.

Still, even now several years later, I do think she was wrong not to just tell me via a text or a voice message or a call. Strange thing to do...maybe it's an Irish thing, reading your post makes me realise I'm not the first person this has happened too and I won't be the last. It's just inconsiderate I guess.

45772

Hi, I like many others who have posted above have been taken for a fool by someone whom I thought was genuine and nice, etc, etc...to add to it I was foolish to the extent of lending a 3-figure some of money to this person back a few a months ago while only knowing them a matter of a few weeks to then learn only weeks later that he "needed a break". I was concerned at the time for the persons well being and did not want to put additional pressure on by asking for the money back. However to this day I am still awaiting the money to be returned, I have initiated contact recently in the hope of meeting up and returning the money owed. "yeah no probs" or I have a funeral that day, something else the next day..it has me very distressed to say the least that someone could do this to me. To add to it I deleted this person from my facebook as I could not stand the fact that he could find the time to keep adding friends to his page yet not find the time to meet me and put closure on the matter. However now looking back on that impulsive decision I have pretty much cut off a point of contact that would serve better than sending a one-way text!

Appologies posters for this long message, the point I am trying to make to the OP is that if they ignore you in the begininng when you feel things are going well then they will continue to do so and take you for granted.

My advice speaking from my own experience is let him off and dont get yourself caught up in something when they appear not to have the basic manners to acknowledge your calls and texts.

There are lessons bought and lessons taught - unfortunately for me its been a lesson bought.

shoes34

I too have been in a similar situation, went out with a guy on a first date in May 2009 and we would be in contact all the time by phone / text and would see each other at least 5 nights a week. We went to weddings together, weekends away home and abroad and I really thought that this was something special or even the one!

Well the weekend just before Christmas 2009 we were out on a Saturday night he went home to his own home on Sunday and nothing, I tried to call him as usual or text him as we had done before going to bed, all day Monday I tried to call him well not all day but left maybe 2 messages and 2 texts for him and then on the Tuesday I was beginning to think something had happened when he eventually got back to me and said sure you know me I never have my phone on me.

Ah hello we had been together over 6 months and this had never happened before and the rest of that Christmas was all very strange and on New Years he dumped me - so I think this happens to everyone at least once in their life time and looking back he obviously had wanted to dump me the weekend before Christmas.

Just think of it as a lucky escape and its his loss.

LegacyUser

Hey guys thanks for the replies.

He finally got in touch with me last night and said he wanted nothing more to do with me and was sorry he didn't say anything sooner!

Just really annoyed at myself for letting my guard down and liking him but howanever I'll get over it! I was upset and wondering what I did wrong but if he doesn't like me there isnt much I can do about it! Not going to waste time pining after someone.

Cheers again folks- much appreciated!

John400

Garbage wrote: »

Hey guys thanks for the replies.

He finally got in touch with me last night and said he wanted nothing more to do with me and was sorry he didn't say anything sooner!

Is it just me or does anyone else find this guy's behaviour bizarre? He's all over her like a rash and then it's bugger you.

Opinions?

Trixie_Gem

John400 wrote: »

Is it just me or does anyone else find this guy's behaviour bizarre? He's all over her like a rash and then it's bugger you.

Opinions?

Maybe he is just a inconsiderate guy. I am in the same situation at the min

MissOphelia

John400 wrote: »

Is it just me or does anyone else find this guy's behaviour bizarre? He's all over her like a rash and then it's bugger you.

Opinions?

Having just seen the light and come out of a sh*tty on/off relationship with a delightful psychopath I can identify with all this bizarre behaviour.

If you google " Idealise-devalue-discard" it makes for some excellent reading and advice.