Good deadpan letter about the State we're in!

cursai

http://www.independent.ie/opinion/letters/all-aboard-gravy-train-2548090.html

All aboard gravy train
Sunday February 20 2011

Sir -- Finding myself stuck in a train in the Simplon tunnel, I fell into conversation with a Swiss and a Belgian, both gentlemen.

The conversation came around to the woes of Ireland, and I was asked about the bailout and the political situation. When I told them we had 166 TDs and another 60 in the Seanad who were for the most part full-time politicians from dynastic families, they were amazed.

Mezzeo from Switzerland said they had 200 alright, but they all had full-time jobs outside the parliament, only sat four times a year, and had hardly any staff. I replied promptly that all ours were highly paid, enjoyed colossal pensions, and put in for serious expenses. Granted some of these were hardly credible, but they helped our people with planning permission, jumping hospital queues, and getting tarmac on their driveways etc.

Mezzeo wanted to know was our legal system not able to punish people who exaggerated their expenses; I was of course horrified, and told him our politicians are so revered that they are never prosecuted; besides, they helped the legal profession with tribunals that sometimes went on for 10 years.

I'd say they were impressed because there was silence.

Eventually, when I was pushed by Marcel from Belgium, I told them our ministers also had big cars, and drivers to help them leave the Dail, particularly late at night, when they might be a bit wobbly on their legs.

Do you know what he told me? Their ministers (10 of them) go to work on the bus.

I laughed out loud. I said that besides the TDs we had quangos and committees and all sorts of jobs invented for the family and friends of TDs.

They asked me about our infrastructure and I was pleased to tell them that we had fine roads, although we had to pay tolls on them.

When quizzed about this by Marcel, I said it saved us puncture and suspension repairs from the potholes on our normal roads and what with the price of fuel most of us wouldn't go too far anyway.

They asked me about global warming, and I said we all recycled now, even if all the bins went in the same truck, at least it was an effort. Marcel asked me did it all go to an incinerator with charcoal filters, and burn at 10,0000 degrees centigrade with oxygen and sand injection.

I said no, indeed it didn't and that we had a huge dump in the Bog of Allen.

They said what about the flies, the rats, and the smell?

I told them that the flies fed our swallows and our hunters shot the vermin, and we were well used to the smell. Besides, the dumps usually went on fire anyway. I was especially proud to tell them of one that after a month had to be put out with liquid nitrogen.

Do you know they didn't see the good in it or they were jealous because they all left me for a different carriage.

DJ Lawrenson,

Johnstown Bridge,

Co Kildare

landsleaving

A proper deadpan response to the state we're in would be 'Ireland'