Is my very recently ex an emotional Vampire!!

LegacyUser

We have been going out over two and a half years and I broke if off with her two nights ago. She started talking about me as being, everything in her life & that she felt as if she would throw herself into the river without me.

Alarm bells resounded in my head when she said this, so I decided to stay the night, to make sure she didn't do anything stupid.

Now I know we can all be a little bit emotional at times, but, her reactions to my actions are seemingly unbalanced. For instance, I hadn't socialized with any of my friends from University for over two months (work placement) until this week (Rag Week). One night during the week I came back from Dublin; went out for a few drinks with some people for college. I invite her to come out.

She starts crying on the phone saying that she is lonely, doesn't know anyone therefore she won't come (she has met some of the people b4) and, I never spend anytime with her, despite the fact that we spent all of the previous evening together.

The following day, she apologized for being so emotional, but informed me she had seen a Doctor because she felt overwhelmed. We had a few drinks and I spent most of the evening, trying to cheer her up and acting like a goof ball to lighten the mood.

Well, later that need she freaked that I don't respect her and and started arguing over trivial BS like leaving a beer can on the counter!! I said "Look, this is not working is it, were biting the heads off each other" I proposed to leave. She get narky and actually started mocking me!! Bit childish I thought tbf.

Then she she said she was better off dead without me, so I felt obliged to stay the night obviously!!

What do you think about that?

WillifIam

WillifIam wrote: »

Then she she said she was better off dead without me, so I felt obliged to stay the night obviously!!

What do you think about that?

I think she has you well wrapped around her little finger.
Listen up, she is not going to kill herself.
Tell her next time she threatens to jump into a river that you're leaving and that you'd better ring her family or something to let them know. If she keeps at it, DO ring them.
Then you'll see she has no fcukin intention of doing anything except trying to keep you with her.

Cut off contact and don't fall for this manipulation any more.

LegacyUser

Well I'm extremely confused and getting mixed messages just reading this thread so i can only imagine what this girl is going through.

You break up, then you stay the night, you're broken up but you're inviting her to the pub?? Are you broken up or not? She's simply emotionally blackmailing you and seems that it's working!

LegacyUser

To be honest it does seem like she is playing me a little bit.

I would like to think of myself as a decent, approachable guy, who doesn't want to be source of negativity in someone's life. I honestly feel quite concerned about her emotional state, but maybe she is manipulating me.

This is/was my first long term relationship and I think i've learned quite a bit about women.......... and how to be treated and vice versa.

I know this sounds stupid but as I used to be quite a depressed, self-defecating, isolated person who didn't think much of himself. And being with this girl has taught me some much about deep relationships.

Before, I met her I was quite a depressed young misfit. Being with her has helped me become confident and socialized.

The weird thing is people always told me that I was quite an exceptionally attractive person. And I always thought that I was just a loser and they were taking the piss out of me by saying that (because I had no self worth). And my ex brought me out of my shell, and made me realize that not only am I not a loser but a affable, decent, guy. And heres the weird part, Her female friends were, as she put it "astounded, that you got a handsome, nice guy, which of course would make her feel ugly...........

Since we met, I started gaining self-confidence and I managed to get accepted into a university course largely predominated by girls. Any time I've brought her out to meet my Uni friends at parties, she has been quite cognisant, that other girls would find me attractive and approach/engage with me (I was always woeful at reading signals, but women are superior at this), which was annoying because they used to say "your bf is hot, where did you find him" kinda stuff, which was nice, but she would always say that she felt that she was ugly, and I should be doing better, which is complete and utter BS, because I spent two bloody years letting her know that I found her attractive, and that, I only have on person in my eyes.

I don't even want to be in a relationship with anyone for quite some time now. I just don't know if most women are going to be like this, i'd rather be on my own!! I mean there always seems to be a self-esteem issue with her......

Moomoo1

everybody seems to be doing their best to knock her confidence and tell her she isn't worthy of you: is it a surprise that she's acting in this way?

sam34

i think this sort of emotional blackmail and manipulation is one of the lowest things someone can do.

OP, you are not responsible for this girls actions... she s responsible for herself.

it is not up to you to babysit her after these threats.

she will keep doing it if you keep responding, ie keep staying with her after each threat.

next time, tell her you will inform her family of her intentions, do that, then walk away and never look back.

if you keep giving in, you will set up a cyle of this for the rest of your days.

Separate your life from hers completely.

I had a very similar experience which ended up in 3 whole extra months of being in a relationship I hated. With people like that there is only one option: no contact. Tell her family or friends that she's vulnerable and needs support. Then leave. Don't answer calls or texts. She's got it in her head that if she keeps you around long enough you'll decide to stay. Texting and calling is probably in her eyes a way of keeping the relationship alive. Like you're not gone yet.

You're gone. So go.