is this friendship over??

LegacyUser

How do you know if your being taken for granted?

I've been friends with this girl for years and years and we're both in lc this year but since September i just feel my confidence suffering as a result of being around her everyday i just feel more and more down about myself.She knows my weaknesses that i'm not confident about my looks or with lads but continuously asks me to reassure her on how she looks when many people have told her she looks great its like shes rubbing it in.

i just feel like out in public she doesnt want to be seen with me but she texts me and talks to me alone as if we are best friends..She only sticks to the girls that the lads like as if trying to build her popularity even if it means hurting me.

Theres been a few times on nights out where 3 of us would go together and be all staying in the same house that night but once in there she would completely ditch me knowing i had no one else to go to i never confronted her about it after which i really should have as it hurt me. i'm just sick of being taken for granted.

In school she never bothers making a effort with me but makes a big fuss over everyone else in the group.She arranged a night out last night but didnt even bother asking me to go.She had a huge ordeal a few weeks ago that she was really stressed out about a few of the girls wouldn't talk to her as a result of it but i stood by her and wiped her tears but now shes totally forgot about it.

I just feel so foolish caring so much about this friendship when she clearly doesn't. its like i'm only of use to her when there is no one else around.

Do you think i'm just overreacting or should i just forget about the friendship??

poozers

I dont think you're overreacting at all, but i dont think you should forget about the friendship either.
if you dont mind me askin OP, how old are you? how long have you two been friends?
I think maybe you shouldnt rely on your friendship! branch out your social circle...make new friends... start being confident in yourself and stop comparing yourself to other people! I know how you feel though, I'm 25 and still do it. But the things im unhappy about, i'm changing right now. My skin isnt great, so im doing all natural facemasks every night. I'd like to lose a little weight on my bum, so ive started eating healthier, and walking places instead of driving :rolleyes:!
Concentrate on your good points, things about yourself that you like! People are naturally attracted to confidence! get yourself a new wardrobe...and if you cant afford it straight away, buy one thing once a week/fortnight that makes you feel good!
Take control of yourself and the friendship, she's in control now (and she mightnt even realise it). If you confront her about it, she's may not understand what your feeling, and that could destroy the friendship altogether, because, at the end of the day, your confidence in yourself isn't her problem...
by all means, continue to be her friend, but distance yourself, and make new friends and let your natural and confident self shine through...

Firetrap

Some friendships last forever but others don't last the course for all sorts of reasons. I think too that people change a lot, personality-wise, when they're around your age. Frankly, your friend is being pretty horrible to you and she sounds like she's as shallow as a puddle. More crucially, she's not behaving like a friend towards you - friends don't behave like that to each other.

You're in your LC year now so in a few months time you'll be hopefully finished with school and going on to do something different. That'll be a great opportunity for you to meet new people and not have to rely on your "friend"

claireeney

ugh! I had a so-called "friend" like her! what an effin b1tch. i just got shot of her altogether and when she asked me to do anything with her (when her new mates were busy) i always told her i was busy or meetin one of my other friends. when she asked what my problem was i told her that she was a two faced cow and i couldnt be wasting my time on her and if she wanted to hang out with shallow idiots for popularity sakes, off with her. she was always too embarassed by this to tell anyone what had happened and used to pretend everything was fine with us when she was with her air head mates. a person like her wont change and unless her new mates tell her to get lost for good she wont come back to you. find some decent mates and forget her. jeez, she's makin me mad cos she just sounds like one of them insecure fake nobodys that think they're someone special.
your in LC now anyways, chances are you'll never have to see her again after school. dont let it interfere with your studies and good luck!

LegacyUser

thanks for the replies after reading your response it makes me realise what she is doing is wrong, before i just didn't want to believe it was true. we're both 18 and we've been friends for 10 years. its as if she doesn't need to make a effort with me because been with her for so long. i just don't know how to go about distancing myself from her. like for example she text me this morning telling me all her night out but i don't know what to say back like if i don't text back its just like im bitter and jealous of her but if i write back i'm just boosting her ego telling her how shes so lucky to get with all these guys.

Firetrap

I wouldn't worry about ignoring texts. Who gives a toss what she thinks? If she thinks you're bitter and jealous, let her think that.

She strings you along as a friend when it suits her and then ditches you when other people come along. Organising that night out and not inviting you at all was pretty low. She wasn't worrying what you thought that time.

mojesius

Hi OP. Also, this sounds like a girl I was 'friends' with for years (luckily, she moved to the States when we were 16). She'd do the exact same things as the girl you described - boast and talk about herself, ditch me when we had plans, make me feel like absolute crap in front of other people, organise days and nights out and ring me the next day to tell me how great it was.

I had really low self-esteem at the time and I think being friends with very egocentric people makes it ten times worse. As other posters have said, get to know more people in your class and outside of school, focus on spending more time with your family and lastly, it's your LC year - Forget about her crap and knuckle down for a few months, focus on yourself and the people in your life who make you genuinely happy.

Best of luck in the LC and enjoy the many opportunities that summer and finishing school have to offer you.

silvervixen84

OP, sounds like a case of the classic 'frenemy'. She's using you when it's convenient to her and there's no balance in the friendship as you're not receiving back any support that you're giving her.

I've been there on two occasions when I was younger and due to low self esteem it's taken me years to stop feeling upset when plans are cancelled/changed, feeling that my problems aren't important enough to discuss, and generally feeling like crap when temporarily 'replaced' with someone more 'interesting'. I finally got to the stage where I decided to live life on my schedule, and not be dictated to by people who aren't worth the hassle or stress.

My advice to you would be to widen your circle of friends. You don't have to drop this friendship, just make yourself less available to her. Once she realises that you're no longer dependent on her and aren't bothered by her lack of effort, she might cop on and treat you better. If she doesn't, you're better off without her.

Best of luck.