Is there more for ex and I?

LegacyUser

Long story short: Ex and I went out together for a couple of years. Both late twenties. He dumped me a year or so ago, out of the blue I felt. I was devastated, of course. However, it acted as a catalyst and forced me to slowly realise that I had been suffering from depression, I'd been desperately unhappy and this had all caused huge strain on the relationship. Of course, he wasn't faultless at all either.

Anyway, we did the typical post-break up thing of no contact for about 6 months (my decision) and then I initiated contact with him. We met a couple of times over the next 4 months or so, usually at my instigation. He added me back on Facebook and I accepted. Shortly after Christmas, we met for a drink and got on like a house on fire. I explained how much I'd changed and how I could see I wasn't easy to be in a relationship with etc. A few drinks later, we kissed and ended up spending the night together. I was adamant at the time that it meant nothing, and that I wasn't letting feelings get involved when it was just sex. Since then, he's been in touch way more than pretty much ever. He comments on my FB status at least every couple of days. I accidentally texted him recently, and while he'd usually ignore that, this time he replied and struck up a conversation, finishing with "Let's go for a drink soon". Since we started meeting casually, I think it's always me who suggests it first, so I was thrown by him suggesting it.

When we had that last drink, the whole night was perfect. It felt not only like we'd never broken up, but like one of the nicest nights together of our whole relationship. Since then, I've been completely headwrecked. I don't know how to interpret his increased contact. My heart is saying that maybe we're not done, that there's more left to our relationship. My head is saying that my heart is a fúcking idiot; that he's clearly just being friendly and at the very best, fancies another shag. I want to discuss it with him, but I'm so afraid of my head being right and me getting hurt again. Even if he did want to try things again, it's not even entirely practical because we work completely opposite schedules, and our lack of time together was a big factor in the break up originally. That hasn't changed.

So what should I do? Am I just imagining that there might be more left to our story? Or should I take the risk and explore that - even if it won't go anywhere? I can't get him out of my head .

mp3ireland2

AS i guy who has just been dumped "out of the blue" when we got along so well and never even fought in the 10 months together. It's been three weeks now but I can honestly say (i prob couldn't three weeks ago) that it was worth it. Had some wonderful times together etc. and hoping that when she gets a job, and gets out of her depressing phase etc. there might be hope at some stage in the futre.

A bit off the point i know! but what i think is that you'll always regret the decisions you don't make. And 6 months down the line if my girl wanted me back I know i'd take the chance. (At the same time i'm not holding onto that hope!) At least if it doesn't work out, you'll know that you gave it another shot. Better than always wondering "what if". I got back with another ex after we broke up, it didn't work out the second time either! but at least i know it wasn't meant to be, and that chapter in my life is now closed! And i've also taken good memories from that relationship. We still keep in touch a little, but we both moved on.

I feel a bit ridiculous giving relationship advice so take it with a pinch of salt! But if he made you happy the last night ye were together, go for it!! Apologies if my advice was more about me than you ;-)

LegacyUser

Anyone else? I genuinely don't know what's best to do here.

Walls

You have to ask him, even in the most roundabout way. I think that you can cope with anything, but the uncertainty is what drives most of us crazy.

Now, do you want a relationship with him? Do you want to have FWB situation? Do you not want to see him any more? It might be an idea to have a clear idea of your wants and needs before asking for his views. It will also mean you aren't asking him what is going on, but instead giving your views as to what should be going on.