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10 years on, this is pathetic

  • 18-02-2011 03:11PM
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭


    I went out with a girl 10 years ago, we were both nuts about each other, eventually she broke up with me, it was a woeful break up due to the fact that we had strong mutual friends, we got together a few times after that over the space of a few years( i mean one nighters etc), we werent living close so I guess nothing ever happened, partially because of my lack of balls and confidence, also partially due to the fact that I didnt think she felt strongly about me . One night about 4 years ago we'd a big deep long drunken chat and talked and talked about everything we'd been through etc, we both told each other stuff like we'd like to spend the rest of lives with each other etc, very intense tbh. It was probably exaggerated and over the top at the time but once again nothing happened really, she was living in a different county as well. Neither of us advanced on it after that night

    That was the last of that and eventually we went our seperate ways always remaining really good friends (too good tbh). She is now happily going out with someone for 2 years, im only going to presume they will be spending the rest of their lives with each other. It doesnt bother me anymore, yet despite this I still long for her. Its quite sad. Dont get me wrong I dont spend my days thinking about her, but I still have very strong feelings.

    Id say theres a 'special place in her heart' for me(sorry to be cheesy) but only as a friend, actually im fairly sure that im important to her, even if its just platonic. We meet so rarely these days that she really cant contain excitement when we meet (thats her personality, im not trying to come across as big headed), she still makes very mild insinuations when we are out drinking. Again though, I always battle in my head whether thats her personality, or is she trying to say something without really saying it, saying stuff like 'remember how great it was back then', often talking about around the time we went out, but I just go along with it, kind of as if shes talking about the general time with our friends etc.

    Just to let any recent break up-ees know this in case they are scared they'll end up like this, I AM a happy content person who would genuinely like to meet someone new. Its not like I sit their thinking about her, i just have nothing to do today and felt Id to finally get this off my chest.

    By the way , neither her or any of our mutual friends suspect a thing, really I have them 100% convinced otherwise.

    I just looked over what I read and laughed, I really think i need to grow up, its possibly the idea of her, and not actually her if you get me. Maybe it wouldnt have worked out in the long run, who knows.
    Sorry for the long rant , ive really nowhere else to say this, not even my best friend would suspect something like this at this stage from me.

    Any advice? And im not talking about tactics to get back with her,just tactics on how to sort out my way of thinking and get myself out of this rut. This might sound extreme but I nearly want her to either marry/get pregnant with her boyfriend, ill be devasted but it will be some sort of closure, thanks for reading


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