Need Help to see the Light

LegacyUser

Hi...

I know there are so many similar threads about heartbreak, and people have such bigger problems than this... I just need to get what I am feeling out, and would be nice to read peoples thoughts and opinions.

Basically, my boyfriend of 3 years ended our relationship over Valentines day. We are both 27. It was out of the blue. I didn't expect it. We were better than ever before, we slotted together so well, made each other laugh all the time, did lots of little caring romantic things for each other, talked about everything... Everything I did, I did for him, or with him in mind. I treated him like a king, and he treated me like a queen. I still got that feeling of awesome happiness when we were together, or I was going to see him, or even when I thought about him - Just having him made life so bearable.

Out of the blue, he decides that it was too much, and that he was unable to commit to me at this point in his life. He couldnt give me what I needed. I never pressured him about marriage or babies (although he knew someday I wanted them) and so I just cant believe it. He took some time to think about it, and then ended it. What changed? What did I do wrong?

Its so hard to cope. I cant eat... can't sleep. Constantly have that feeling of dread, of fear, confusion, hopelessness. Nothing seems to have purpose. The thoughts of never holding his hand, or eating dinner with him, or stroking his hair, or kissing him, makes me really want to crawl under a rock and never emerge.

Is there any input from anybody that can help me get through this, or help me understand it?

Sarah.

fits

You poor thing. Its a terrible terrible thing to be going through. I remember a bad break up years ago and I just felt totally disconnected from the world. So empty and devastated.

It will get better. Use your family and friends to get through it. Take comfort in the things which you know will give you comfort. Get outside and exercise. Its a terrible cliche but time is the best healer of all and you will heal.

((hug))

LegacyUser

Predictably enough, I watched a load of reruns of SATC postbreakup. And found a scene which resonated with me, can't remember a lot of the details, but Miranda basically said "His light was on"(that's why you're together)- like how a taxi light comes on to show they're available, guys are the same
You could have had the best relationship ever, but if the timing isn't right, there's nothing you can do.
He's not ready now, and he doesn't see himself being ready within the next few years. I got the same blurb. So did an older pal of mine- her ex rings her up from time to time (8years after dumping her, 6years into her marriage, and months away from his own marriage) telling her how he still loves her, she was the best thing to ever happen him, he was a fool to let her go, bla bla bla.
So we may get that phonecall one day. But personally, I don't plan on waiting around for that day...though I would still get a bit of satisfaction from hearing it!!
Look after yourself. Because he's certainly looking after himself.

LegacyUser

Sounds like you just werent the one for him.

Maybe he had someone else on the side?

You were probably more into him than he was into you, and maybe overlooked a lot of things that he was unhappy with because you were so convinced it was great,

Whatever the case, he obviously didn't feel the same as you and there's no point dwelling on him. You need to cut contact and move on to someone who feels the same as you, whose timing is the same. Good luck.

Affable

Some of the replies seem to be a bit harsh. I hope you are OK. I don't really have relevant experience, I have the opposite problem, can't find anything serious with anyone to work. All I can say is do be afraid to let it all out, the more you do, the better you will feel, don't trivialise but realise that there are many others in your boat and there will be that other single person you want to be with when you're ready.