30 year old virgin :-(

LegacyUser

Hi there as the title suggests Im male and a virgin at 30. To be honest I have had zero sexual or intimate contact in my life. Never had a girlfriend or any sort of relationship. The main reasons for this would be down to severe acne since my early teens and a shy awkward personality so a winning combination you could say !!!

Just to put in perspective my acne was most severe on my back and shoulders and about average to above average on my face. So my problem would not be obvious to see and has only recently started to clear up but still not completely clear by any means. So needless to say my confidence was rock bottom and this just rolled on year after year.

Only in last few years have been more comfortable in myself and been more relaxed which has been noticed by friends and commented on. My question i suppose and reason for posting this is to ask is it too late at 30 to try and find love. It would be great to get some feedback from the women and guys of P.I and what would you think of 30 y/o guy with no experience. I feel like an idiot most of the time when most 16 year olds would probably be more experienced. I look at my friends who at this stage have had lots long term relationships and slept with many girls in between this.

I have been out on many nights with friends and their girlfriends and wondered if it will ever happen for me. By the way I dont want to seem like its only sex Im talkiing about its intimacy in general. I often wonder what it would be like to hold hands and cuddle with a girl. Curl up and watch a dvd together and go to sleep and wake up the next morning and cuddle. These things which would be great to experience some day. However I dont think many girls would that interested in guy in my situation and I can completely understand that.

Have asked lots of girls out in last few years but none have said yes. Rejection does get easier but it would be amazing to hear just one say yes :-) anyway if you have read this far your doing well and thanks for listening...

happymondays

Too late ? wrote: »

Hi there as the title suggests Im male and a virgin at 30. To be honest I have had zero sexual or intimate contact in my life. Never had a girlfriend or any sort of relationship. The main reasons for this would be down to severe acne since my early teens and a shy awkward personality so a winning combination you could say !!!

Just to put in perspective my acne was most severe on my back and shoulders and about average to above average on my face. So my problem would not be obvious to see and has only recently started to clear up but still not completely clear by any means. So needless to say my confidence was rock bottom and this just rolled on year after year.

Only in last few years have been more comfortable in myself and been more relaxed which has been noticed by friends and commented on. My question i suppose and reason for posting this is to ask is it too late at 30 to try and find love. It would be great to get some feedback from the women and guys of P.I and what would you think of 30 y/o guy with no experience. I feel like an idiot most of the time when most 16 year olds would probably be more experienced. I look at my friends who at this stage have had lots long term relationships and slept with many girls in between this.

I have been out on many nights with friends and their girlfriends and wondered if it will ever happen for me. By the way I dont want to seem like its only sex Im talkiing about its intimacy in general. I often wonder what it would be like to hold hands and cuddle with a girl. Curl up and watch a dvd together and go to sleep and wake up the next morning and cuddle. These things which would be great to experience some day. However I dont think many girls would that interested in guy in my situation and I can completely understand that.

Have asked lots of girls out in last few years but none have said yes. Rejection does get easier but it would be amazing to hear just one say yes :-) anyway if you have read this far your doing well and thanks for listening...

Jesus i would hope not, Im 31 and still looking.
Sure you learn things from past relationships but at the end of the day its
not rocket science and you will catch up pretty quickly so dont worry.

Where are you meeting these girls you ask out?
If its not working then maybe you need to try a different approach.
Is there any chance you could get one of your mates g/f's to set you up?

James400

OP, i know of a couple of guys who are between five to eight years older than you who haven't had sex yet for a number of reasons, some personal etc., so believe me you're certainly not the youngest in this particular boat.

LegacyUser

I'd say it's more common than you'd think. I'm in the same boat as you and trust me, I'm no quasimodo.

Partizan

and me too wrote: »

I'd say it's more common than you'd think. I'm in the same boat as you and trust me, I'm no quasimodo.

For God's sake, snap yourself out of that stupor and grab the bull by the horns. Get out there and meet people. Spruce yourself up by buying new clothes, changing your appearance, go to the gym, join clubs etc. You will meet loads of people that way. Being a virgin by your 30s is not normal. It puts you in freak zone. I know lots of women in their 20s with plenty of sexual experience and are sexually active and if you told them you were a virgin, they would run a mile. Same goes for you OP.

I was in the same boat as you when I was 23. I didn't give a damn, went out had a blast with the lads. I wasnt even trying but one night I met a nice student girl who was younger than me. To cut a long story short, she brought me back to the hostel where she was staying.... you can guess the rest. But the way she was going at it, she had plenty of experience. Not that I was complaining by the way. It was a one night stand but it was worth it. Since that night 10 years ago, I have not looked back.

LegacyUser

Partizan, your being a bit harsh. I am a girl, with loads of experience and I wouldnt care if the guy I was with was a virgin. Would prefer it to some guy that just sleeps around with anyone, less chance of him being a walking STI!

OP, its never too late and you'll find that some girls will be turned off by this, but some wont. Be confident in yourself as I know that makes me more attracted to a man. Change the way your asking girls out if its not working for you. Rejection is sh** but everyone has been through it, you never know, the next girl could say yes!!

ongarboy

Partizan wrote: »

For God's sake, snap yourself out of that stupor and grab the bull by the horns. Get out there and meet people. Spruce yourself up by buying new clothes, changing your appearance, go to the gym, join clubs etc. You will meet loads of people that way. Being a virgin by your 30s is not normal. It puts you in freak zone. I know lots of women in their 20s with plenty of sexual experience and are sexually active and if you told them you were a virgin, they would run a mile. Same goes for you OP.

I was in the same boat as you when I was 23. I didn't give a damn, went out had a blast with the lads. I wasnt even trying but one night I met a nice student girl who was younger than me. To cut a long story short, she brought me back to the hostel where she was staying.... you can guess the rest. But the way she was going at it, she had plenty of experience. Not that I was complaining by the way. It was a one night stand but it was worth it. Since that night 10 years ago, I have not looked back.

Wow, it must be very encouraging for people with serious and very affecting Personal Issues that may consider using this Forum for helpful or constructive advice to hear feedback from posters telling them that they are abnormal and in a freak zone just because they don't meet an exact law of averages benchmark! - - OP, you are not abnormal and you are not a freak. I also believe that if you are looking for a relationship where you have already attracted the girl to your personality, warmth, sense of humour etc then she will not be put off by your lack of sexual experience when you both decide to be more intimate. Sharing sexual history or past experience is often something that does not come up until a relationship is well established if at all. If you are awkward during the first encounter and it shows that you are unexperienced, a genuine girl who is interested in you will not "run a mile". Fair enough, you may encounter issues if you hook up with girls just looking for a one night shag who will expect a bloke who is well versed but from reading your post, those type of girls aren't the ones you are looking to get involved with. Remeber there are plenty of girls out there too that are in a similar boat as you so there are more potential matches out there then you think! Best of luck

Maple

Partizan, please read the charter especially the part about posting in a constructive manner before you decide to post again in PI.

Maple

LegacyUser

That's a mistake I think a lot of guys and people make.

Have been with X number of girls, it doesn't really mean anything.

Sleeping with a girl is not a challenge.

It doesn't enhance you as a man, it doesn't lend itself to self improvement.
So it's not really a great way to judge someone.

Probably what you want to focus on, is the aforementioned.

Self improvement.

I think there's sort of a life-relationship balance.
They're interdependent, in a sense.

It's true that relationships are necessary to be happy and fulfilled as a man, so you can get on with your life.

But sometimes it's also necessary to work on your life/lifestyle/goals etc, which, for reasons such as confidence, and defining the person you are really, means your relationships improve as a result.

A good start though, is, as always, what was mentioned.

Hit the gym, work on your body, eat good, dress nice, be conscious of your appearance.

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

mood

OP I think the majority of women wouldn't have a problem with it at all. I think it's more common than we realise. Someone post about this on boards quite often.

John400

Partizan wrote: »

Being a virgin by your 30s is not normal. It puts you in freak zone. I know lots of women in their 20s with plenty of sexual experience and are sexually active and if you told them you were a virgin, they would run a mile. Same goes for you OP.

Partizan, the mod has already said it about you so i won't go there.

But c'mon, do me a favour you are 'in the freak zone' by being a virgin in your 30's? Says who?...people like you who boast about their sexual 'prowess'?

Also there's another name for those women in their 20's who shag everything in sight.

Up-n-atom!

I would second the advise to work on your own confidence. You said it was your acne problems that dented your confidence in your own attractiveness in the first place - have you tried to get this treated? Not to say it would be a magic cure for all your problems, but it might help a little. Do you have many female friends? I think being comfortable around women in the first place would help you with future relationships, and perhaps you would have the opportunity to meet more women through these friendships. Just a thought.

Banish any thoughts that you are a freak, just continue to get out there. Eventually you will connect with someone you like, who likes you too. Good luck.

starlit

Its better to do it with someone you love than someone you don't you will regret it. It shouldn't matter whether you are in a serious relationship or not or whether its short/long term one shouldn't faze you. Being in love with someone and who is in love with you increases that bond both meeting your physical, emotional, spirtual needs. If they are all met then you will have a happier outcome when it comes to your first time. Lossing your virginity at what ever age, age is only a number!?

Does it really matter how old you are when you loose it, its the experience is what will be more important and you want to have that special moment kept with you and remember for the rest of your life. You'll never forget your first kiss, first love, first time! Cherish your virginity don't waste it on someone who you don't care for, if ye care for each other and like each other and are fond of each other, loving each other and being in love with each other is a bonus all together. Take your time no rush and don't put pressure on yourself. Do it with someone who you love and who loves you back, it be more memorable and enjoyable cause of that special connection ye will have!

LegacyUser

OP here thanks for all the feedback so far. To reply to questions people asked the girls I asked out were friend of a friend, college and work and such. I would normally see if there was any common interests and go from there. Would not really be into the whole nightclub hook up sort of thing, dont see anything wrong with it but it was never me if you know what I mean.

Its only in the last couple years I really start putting myself out there so in the scheme of things I have not been at this long and should keep plugging away. Just turning 30 and being still in this situation was quite sobering. You see all the stuff going on with the people around you over the years and now them starting to settle down and such and you have not even started. Makes you think jesus has this all passed me by and your destined to be the odd one out in your social and family circle.

Thankfully i've already taken up some of the interests mentioned and am working then studying at night for degree which keeps me going. Originaly I started weightlifting and running some years back because I had the idea if I improved my body in other areas it would maybe compensate for the acne problems. Now just keep it up for general fitness. And yes I did receive treatment for the acne 9 years of it and still on tablets but thankfully its abated and not nearly as bad as was. Thanks again and any more advice greatly appreciated.

Shivers26

Its never too late OP
The right person is out there. As others have said, build your own confidence first and then try and arrange some casual dates and see how that goes. Sex and other forms of intimacy will fall in to place in their own time.
I think when you get a little bit older, losing your virginity becomes more of a 'big deal' so to speak. Try not to dwell on it too much. You'll get there.

Firetrap

You're not too old to find someone. Sort out your acne problem - have you seen a GP about it? - and that will be a monkey off your back. You should like someone who wants to have a girlfriend and a loving relationship rather than someone who wants to hump anything female that's going. That being the case, work on your self-confidence by going out with your friends and chatting to girls. Try not to have the girlfriend/sex issue on your mind because you'll seem desperate and scare them away.

The best thing to do in your case is to lose your virginity to a girl who cares about you and vice versa. Sex isn't just about bedroom gymnastics so try not to get wound up about it. If you do feel unsure about what to do, there are books and ahem, informative videos online which can help explain the mechanics of things. Anyway, when it comes to sex, what works for one person doesn't necessarily work for another so it's a learning process.

LegacyUser

To OP i was 27 when i lost my virginity and i regret it ever since...the woman was married and like yourself i suffered from a lack of confidence so when she said she ''loved'' me i was taken in by her....i havent slept with another woman since and im almost 31 now as i dont wanna make same mistake again....i would rather sleep with someone who felt the same way as i did about them.....so take your time and you will find the right lady(and hopefully so will i)

annabellea

It's never too late!!
If I met a thirty yr old n he told me he was It wouldn't bother me in the least

LegacyUser

I'm in the same situation...soon to be in my early 30's and still a virgin (i'm female though). Like you with the acne, i have self confidence issues regarding my weight and i haven't had a date in a long long time. I dated a guy for around 3 months years and years ago now. While we slept together we never once had sex - in fact he barely even kissed me when we were in bed together...you can imagine what that does to a girl's self confidence! I eventually tried to bring it up with him, telling him i WOULD like to have sex and he broke up with me a few weeks later....guess he had his own issues as well.

To be honest the virgin thing doesn't worry me too much...more thinking that one day i might like to have kids and therefore i should get cracking with meeting someone before it's too late but the self confidence issues hold me back.

GoldRush4821

I feel for you man! I can see why you came on here to vent but at the same time I'm sure nobody has said anything that you didn't already know. Getting into shape, dressing well, all this is nothing new. But these are all just aids in the ultimate goal of confidence. It's amazing how much confidence can do for you in this respect. At the same time, I understand that your confidence must have been hurt a little over the years but really, new clothes and a few less pounds on you won't substitute for actual confidence. If you're not in to the whole night club scene (which I get), then you've just gotta find new ways of meeting girls. The most important thing is to be confident, or at the very least pretend to be confident! I wish you luck tho!!

magneticimpulse

Hi OP,
I was in the same boat as you with Acne. People in college were ok about it and they really commented at the huge improvement when i took Roaccutane. That was a definite boost. However I started work and started going out with this guy. My acne started to come back, but in my eyes it was not bad by any means. However apparently people in work thought otherwise and my ex use to tell this too me...it made me feel awful. I was very confident as it was no way near as bad as my college days, however was disgusted that someone who is meant to love me, told me these horrible things. I went for more roaccutane treatment.

Im 30. My last ex, also used to pick tiny little spots...ones i didnt even notice. It really annoyed me that these were the people who were meant to love me, yet they kept making out it was my fault i had acne. Like I had done something wrong to deserve getting it. It just adds to extra baggage.

Serioulsy OP, you might feel down about not having a girlfriend. But equally you can get some negative feedback or baggage when having many girlfriends. Being a virgin is really not going to put anyone off. In fact I think its more desirable for a guy to have had fewer/none sexual partners.

People can lose their virginity at a young age, have lots of sexual partners, but still be single and lonely later in life.#

Quality over quantity

mikemac

Running and weightlifting I see OP, good for you :cool:

I'd say this is pretty common and your thread hasn't been the first this year and it won't be the last.
They are either like yours or it's "will I go see an escort" type thread

If you need help with clothes, ask a female friend or hell even your sister! They'd only be delighted to take you shopping.
When I was in college I wore jeans and jumpers or tracksuits and looked like a slop got one of the girl housemates to head out with me for a few hours and learned a lot, got some nice stuff I still have even now

Chin up OP and since you're working, work nights out are great craic. If not for meeting your co workers but they'll bring along their friends later on