had enough of 2 faced person

LegacyUser

I have had enough of someone close to me and want to cut them out of my life completely. I'm using this forum to sound out others and see if I am being unfair or if my actions are justified.

The person concerned has had addiction issues for a number of years and made a mess of his life. I have tried to be supportive and have given up much of my time coming to this person's aid over and over again.

In the last 6 months, he did something very stupid and ended up in trouble with the law. I let him know that I didn't think that his behaviour could or should be condoned.

Since then, I have heard that this person has been slating me and my family behind my back. I confronted him today and received a barrage of abuse with some very weak nonsensical argument trying to justify his behviour.

I feel enough is enough, my time being supportive was wasted and thrown back in my face.

I've finished with this person - am I right or wrong?

Taltos

Sometimes the only way to help a user is to walk away.
If you think in your own mind you have done all you can then that is great. Don't let time trick you into wondering about what-ifs. Remember users are called that for a reason, stop enabling them and let them get on with ruining or saving their own life.

LegacyUser

Taltos wrote: »

Sometimes the only way to help a user is to walk away.
If you think in your own mind you have done all you can then that is great. Don't let time trick you into wondering about what-ifs. Remember users are called that for a reason, stop enabling them and let them get on with ruining or saving their own life.

Thank you Taltos,

Op here again.

I've been in this position many times now and have always returned to help this person. Turning the other cheek constantly but the vicious verbal assault on my family was one step too far.

Time to walk away for good.

cantdecide

You aren't responsible for this person. Look after your own mental health.

qwerty13

Hi OP, I think you are completely right - this life is too short to be spending your precious time on people who give nothing back, whether through addiction or simply being an as*hole.

I've cut people out of my life who used me/dragged me down, and my life is all the better for it. I've no problem helping someone out, financially or being an ear to listen - but I have a big problem with that being a one way street.

Imo true friends are there for the good and bad - their good and bad times, and yours. I have friends that I consider closer than family, and I've seen them through mostly good times, but sometimes bad - and they've done the same for me. Any 'friend' who constantly needs you to see them through bad times, but isn't willing to do the same for you is no friend. I've had friends with long term problems which meant that they needed more from me than was easy to give, but I've done it 'cos I new that they were true friends who have proved themselves when I needed them.

If you find it a one way street OP, I'd drop-kick them quicker than you could look; someone like that will bleed you dry. Best rid.

Firetrap

You're right to do this. Most of us do want to do the right thing and help friends/family who are in trouble. There is a time though when you come to the realisation that for some people, it's just take take take. Worse than that, they take the people who are doing all the giving for granted and find things to complain about.

From what you've written, this person needs to sort himself out and isn't man enough to acknowledge what he has done wrong. Much easier to slate you than to admit he's in the wrong. You'll get no thanks for hanging around - you have done your best.

thefeatheredcat

as someone who has been badly burnt by people who always seem to come to me with their problems, which I have no problem with if it's reciprocated and they're around as friends when all is good with them too, if you find that you're giving too much to them then you need to take a step back and let them to it.

imo having someone say horrible things about you and others close to you behind your back is your reasoning for kicking them out of your life. Being in a bad place in life does not warrant that sort of behaviour, regardless whether there was meaning in it or not.

LegacyUser

OP here again,

Thanks to all for their advice, I appreciate this.

I'm stepping back completely now. Spending time doing things for good people is my new motto.

Thank you