Elderly Neighbour

Mr. Presentable

OK, now I have your attention I need some advice. (I trust mods can find a suitable place for this -- I can't)

I have an elderly neighbour, in her 80s, bereaved in the last couple of years. She has begun to neglect herself and her dog to the extent her house stinks.

I have contacted the local health clinic and spoken to the staff there. They called in to my neighbour a couple of times and did some cleaning, but now she won't answer the door to them because they're "nosy".

So, her house stinks and the whiff has begun to seep into the hall in my house. I have tried suggesting to my neighbour that she leave a window or two open, which she did for a couple of hours one morning but hasn't since.

There is very little the welfare people can do if she doesn't ask them in, so I understand the bind they find themselves in - they are prepared to help her, even clean her house, but she's having none of it.

What do I do now? The woman is obviously still grieving, depressed and unfit. But also lonely, elderly and needy, so I do what I can to help her (groceries etc), and don't want to upset her. She has no relatives I can call.

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

looksee

I'm sorry you felt it necessary to use a generalisation to get attention, but having said that I really sympathise with your situation. And fair play to you for doing what you can.

Maybe if the house is getting really bad, and it seems to be, you could approach the council as a health and safety issue? They might have authority that the health workers don't have. It is a pity if you have to follow this route, but it does sound as though she needs help.

Mr. Presentable

looksee wrote: »

I'm sorry you felt it necessary to use a generalisation to get attention, but having said that I really sympathise with your situation. And fair play to you for doing what you can.

Maybe if the house is getting really bad, and it seems to be, you could approach the council as a health and safety issue? They might have authority that the health workers don't have. It is a pity if you have to follow this route, but it does sound as though she needs help.

Thanks. Unfortunately she won't ask or allow anyone in. As she owns the house she can keep them out.

calex71

Sadly she isn't alone in her situation or attitude to those trying to help.

Is she badly off financially ? Reason I ask is many folk or her generation are proud to a fault, if it was a case of her actually paying someone 20 euro for an hours cleaning once a week or so it might sit better with her than having the welfare / hse making her feel like she has lost independence maybe.

Maybe not helpful but no harm to throw it out there I suppose.

purity

I work in a hospital catering to elderly people, I know how stubborn some elderly people can be. They are set in their own ways and like to be as independent as possible. We promote them to be as independent as they can be as this is good for their well being. From your post I guess this lady is being stubborn and doesn't want her independents taken away from her.
When neglect of self care becomes obvious action needs to be taken, She may need respite care for a week or so, whilst cleaners work on her home.
I hope she gets taken care of soon for her own health

wealthyman

The title you have used for this thread is disgraceful, not to mention ageist, shame on you OP.

dudara

wealthyman wrote: »

The title you have used for this thread is disgraceful, not to mention ageist, shame on you OP.

@wealthyman - If you have a problem with a post, please use the Report Post functionality. Do not add noise to the thread. In addition, the forum Charter states that post should provide advice.

dudara

Mr. Presentable

wealthyman wrote: »

The title you have used for this thread is disgraceful, not to mention ageist, shame on you OP.

Oh please! I have an important issue with a vulnerable neighbour and deemed (rightly or wrongly) that it would get more and prompt attention by shocking. I am sorry it offends you, but had hoped anyone posting in reference to it might have had a useful suggestion.

Mr. Presentable

purity wrote: »

I work in a hospital catering to elderly people, I know how stubborn some elderly people can be. They are set in their own ways and like to be as independent as possible. We promote them to be as independent as they can be as this is good for their well being. From your post I guess this lady is being stubborn and doesn't want her independents taken away from her.
When neglect of self care becomes obvious action needs to be taken, She may need respite care for a week or so, whilst cleaners work on her home.
I hope she gets taken care of soon for her own health

Thanks for the suggestion. The big problem is that she won't let anyone into her home so services are immediately at a disadvantage in trying to help. She hasn't been out in three weeks - I brought groceries again yesterday but all she takes is milk and bread. I'm pretty sure she has dementia - she's always inventing visits from friends/relatives etc but no-one ever calls

LegacyUser

Inventing things might be out of embarrassment, as might be the case with turing away any help.

I'd contact environmental health, for both your sakes and send them copies of any correspondence you've had with the health centre. Its unfair that she has to live in that way, and the poster who works in a hospital was right in what they said.

I hope it works out, in the meantime the best move is probably just to be a friendly neighbor. Yeah, your title sucks but it certainly gets attention. Maybe use a softer approach when contacting any social service providors though and if they still neglect to help there's always Joe Duffy

Justask

Mr. Presentable wrote: »

OK, now I have your attention I need some advice. (I trust mods can find a suitable place for this -- I can't)

I have an elderly neighbour, in her 80s, bereaved in the last couple of years. She has begun to neglect herself and her dog to the extent her house stinks.

I have contacted the local health clinic and spoken to the staff there. They called in to my neighbour a couple of times and did some cleaning, but now she won't answer the door to them because they're "nosy".

So, her house stinks and the whiff has begun to seep into the hall in my house. I have tried suggesting to my neighbour that she leave a window or two open, which she did for a couple of hours one morning but hasn't since.

There is very little the welfare people can do if she doesn't ask them in, so I understand the bind they find themselves in - they are prepared to help her, even clean her house, but she's having none of it.

What do I do now? The woman is obviously still grieving, depressed and unfit. But also lonely, elderly and needy, so I do what I can to help her (groceries etc), and don't want to upset her. She has no relatives I can call.

This is so sad...just an idea, you said she has a dog...Maybe befriend her in a differant type of way. Tell he you are thinking of getting a dog and need her advice about what to get etc and gain her trust then maybe in time you could talk her into seeking help with her home. i understand this may take time but at her age its best not too upse her.

Its so sad that she has no family around..how lonely she must feel

Queen-Mise

Do it yourself is all I can suggest. Go along with everything she says as being absolute truth - as far as she is concerned it is.

Keep dropping in, bringing food, food for the dog, heating, get the meals on wheels to drop in dinner to you & then you pretend you are giving it to her. You are the only person at the moment she vaguely trusts.